Yesterday SO and I met with the Child Psychologist. She has been his psychologist since he was even smaller. She told SO somethings that he needed to say to SS8:
"i chose bluehighlighter and she's here to stay, and whether it's her or eventually someone else, I will have a partner for my life, there will always be someone else other than you b/c one day you're going to get older and go off and meet someone of your own." (something like that)
and when he tries to physically break us apart: "Bluehighter is my (gf/partner/fiance) and I'm going to (hold her hand/sit by her/hug/kiss her)" (basically knock it off)

She validated, after I told her all the behaviors, that SS8 is doing things out of jealousy, and even went as far to say that ALL of his disruptive nighttime behaviors exhibited were directed at trying to get his dad away from me and for it to just be the two of them.

She said out loud in front of SO all alot of the things I've been trying to tell him and saying in reference to the kid and the dynamic.

She gave me some tips on how to call the kid out and address it. That I can say "excuse me? what did you just say? do you wanna try that again?" That i can have him repeat over 10x in the exact tone of voice that he used with me what he said so that he REMEMBERS how he's not supposed to talk like that. That we don't talk to each other that way.

She said any behavior that embarrasses me, hurts me, or is disrespectful to me that i have the right to address with him. That i can say "i need to see you for a moment" pull him to the side and then tell him exactly "what you're doing is not acceptable, when we go back in there i want you to (give specifics about what he needs to do)"
If he says he doesn't have to listen to me i can say "make my day SS, you might not listen right NOW but before we do anything else today we're going to address what you did" don't let him off the hook. If he doesn't want to step out with me to the side i can say something like "well I can talk to you right here but i'd rather not embarrass you, so you get to choose, the longer I stand here the more likely I am to embarrass you" That I can put him in timeout.

She said she would address with him in his sessions how he's to treat me and address the blended family issues we are facing. That they are BLENDED FAMILY ISSUES (duh SO) and that I should "not be treated as a mannequin or a doormat." (SO hates when i use the word doormat HA! her words not mine yesterday) And that SS and I should try and do once a week or once every other week something just by ourselves, take a walk, go to breakfast, play a favorite video game etc...

She directly told SO that he needs to address SS now at the age he is that I have rights and i'm an adult that will be respected as one. That I will have even more rights when i move in permanently and more if /when we get married. That he needs to explain that love is not a pie, that kids think of it as a pie as if SO has less to give b/c he loves me, but that it's like an endless well, it's an emotion and emotions are endless. That when SS goes to bed unless it's a dire emergency that could possibly result in death SO is not to be disturbed b/c he's "off duty."

That SO needs to explain that he chose me and that SS doesn't have to like me or love me but that one day SS will choose someone and hopefully SO will like or love that person, and if he doesn't that he will look for the good and respect his choice. That SS needs to do that for him right now.

She said that SO and she would talk to him about how he has to respect his stepdad and his biomom just like he does me and SO that we are all adults and have the right to talk to him and he has to listen to what we say just like he would with SO. (LOL or better hopefully)

The psychologist requested that SO sign a waiver so that I could talk/call her whenever I wanted. (her idea) He did. I am also going to start going to their appointments with them SO and SS and report our progress so she can help further.

SO of course after the doctors appointment leaves happy believing all of what the doctor said (even though i've said the same crap) and doesn't want to admit that he was wrong etc. I told him he needs to drop the attitude and that honestly he owes me an apology but that I won't hold my breath.

We are doing better. This past weekend was one of the best ones we've ever had along with last night. We still have til Friday til SS comes back and then IDK when the next time we'll be child free will be.