Swim season has started which means SS has practice at our neighborhood pool from 500-630.
Thursdays, if we don't already have a date night planned, is our "stay in SS goes to bed/room early at 7"

If you're read my previous blogs you'll know what a struggle this was with SO not SS. SS reads/plays kindle games etc in his room. SO however almost every single time had an alternative plan other than what we agreed to (in the past).

We had been doing ok for a while now. Then last week SO calls me on Thursday while he's on his way home to say something along the lines of maybe he should go buy the new dishwasher today, or look at them again and then something along the lines of he needs to get as much work done as possible that night so that he can take off early the following day to go to SS's field day at school.

All perfectly reasonable things right? Well with the history of not making our time together a priority and not even realizing that I needed more than one hour in bed before we fall asleep, most nights not even getting that b/c he was always still working, with a history of putting time with me on the back burner in order to do anything else at all. I got upset. I kept it to myself b/c of all the times of getting upset it didn't do anything for me. When he got home he grabbed one of his laptops to sit down and "watch" a movie with me. For once he actually noticed I was upset and he asked what was wrong. I told him that it's Thursday "date night" and he had asked to look at dishwashers again instead and then told me he'd be working during it b/c he needed to do something for SS. He put his laptop down and watched with me and held me. THANK GOD yay for once.

Fast forward to last night. I get home SS is at swim practice, SO is upstairs working and so I join him to talk about the day/wait til he's done. He looks so frustrated it's unreal. I ask him what's up and he gets irritable and says we need to figure out what we are doing for dinner. We were supposed to cook mahi mahi together and it takes longer than 30 mins. It'll be after 7 til we can get SS in a shower and to his room. He starts in that I have unreasonable boundaries that I made that he has to figure out and follow.

That's what hurt me the most. That the unreasonable boundary is that we have a set time to have time alone together. The whole reason we even started this is b/c we have SS 100% of the time. We do so many activities for and with him and then SO and I get the back burner. I'm stepmom without having a romantic relationship or anytime alone with SO what so ever. That's why we started it b/c it's essential to our relationship.

I agreed that 7:00 was a stretch during swim season and even said that I was thinking about talking to him about it. That I understand why he'd be scared to bring it up and that the reason behind me getting so upset before was b/c it was always taken over by things that were unnessary and it was just rude to me.

I still can't really get over the comments today that "i set unreasonable boundaries" and "i decided " blah blah blah. Yep b/c I am also asked to commpromise so much of my life for a kid and SO's life and excuse me if he has to figure out one night a week how to fucking put time aside for me who bends over backwards for everyone else. I'm just kinda broken inside. He did great last night after that but it's just the common theme of "i did this to him" blah blah blah instead of why it's essential to keeping me in his life.

end of emotional vent