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Defensive much?!

noidea1010's picture

Submitted by noidea1010 on Thu, 12/12/2013 - 3:21pm

Oh how I hate how defensive SO gets when I say the least unkind thing about SD12. Sorry!!!! Your little angel is not perfect!!!! We've had this discussion before, where I am not attacking her, I am trying to point out something that needs to be corrected. You jumping my shit because you don't like hearing that she's not always pleasant to be around is going to cost you, because I will not continue to fight you. You can work that shit out with your next GF, dumbass.

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Mercury's picture

Submitted by Mercury on Thu, 12/12/2013 - 3:29pm

OMG. This is my life. SD12 has some problems. Some of those problems involved anger at her dad during the divorce with her mom and things were pretty bad for a while and she refused visits with DH for a while after he married me. Right now, they are doing great. I made a point of TELLING him to take her out for lunch on his weekends and their relationship has recovered tremendously.

But still, ANYTHING I say about her is countered with defensiveness. I hate it. I'm not even trying to attack her. Some things just need to be addressed if we are going to live in the same house and manage some level of civility and tolerance in our lives.

I see it plain as day. He feels so freaking guilty about what the divorce did to her. Actually, what the pre-divorce hell did to her. She saw and heard things during her parents fighting matches that a kid should never have to see. He is so completely guilt ridden and I hope he gets over it. It's only a matter of time (given her age) that she figures out how to use that guilt to manipulate him.

noidea1010's picture

Submitted by noidea1010 on Thu, 12/12/2013 - 3:40pm

EXACTLY!!! My SD12 has already figured out how to use the guilt to manipulate. OY! Right now SO and I don't live together and at this rate, we never will. SD12 can be a good kid, but just like with any kid, there are things you need to fix. He's taken a very lax approach in raising her and I can't live with that!

momagainfor4's picture

Submitted by momagainfor4 on Thu, 12/12/2013 - 3:59pm

My SO's response when I point out things that need to be corrected is always "I don't get to have very much time with her and I don't want to spend it getting on to her!!!"
Oh, ok.. well, let me put it like this to you mister smarty pants, not disciplining or correct a child in even the slightest sense is going to kick you in the ass someday!!! children NEED rules!! They have parents to teach them.

Luckily for me, my SO is starting to see the results of his mindset and how the bm and stepdad have basically raised his daughter. I say them bc he pretty much let them run the show without any flack from him.

SD14 has major issues!! Major!! Out of all the crazy things she did last time she was here, she dug out an old photo album in her books in her room and was looking at it and left it on her bed when she left. I wonder if she holds it and calls it her precious. Her mom and dad were over years ago. I had nothing to do with that. BUT I did break up her mini-gf relationship with her dad and relegated her back to kid status.
And that is what these kids hate us for... putting them back in a child role and they don't get to run the world of Daddy!!!!