Someone PLEASE give me a sanity check
it's been 4 months, since I broke up with my boyfriend, you can check out previous blogs if you would like background. Since I have left him, he's stepped up as being a parent to his daughter and got his drinking under control.
He's also seeing someone else, yet still hopes that one day we will get back together. I have to admit I've been feeling myself weaken lately. He's "manned up" for lack of a better phrase. Although, there's still some issues. (anyone else think it's hot when a guy with two vechicles drives his girlfriend's truck? I don't!)
Lately, I seem to remember the man that he could be and the good times we had together. So here's what I'm asking, has anyone left and gone back and had it turn out better?
Otherwise, feel free to comment on how stupid I currently am and how I need to value myself better. You'll be in good company. Or feel free to share if you have left, gone back, and nothing has changed.
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I saw this yesterday and you
I saw this yesterday and you reminded me of it, I hope it helps.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/07/17/corinne-mucha-get-over-it_n_559...
p.s. if he really wants to get back with you he should be single and trying to impress you with his new found parenting skills not impress his new girlfriend.
Sure, I went back and it got
Sure, I went back and it got better. For about a month. Then it got worse X10! Stay gone. That is my best and only advice.
4 months is not long at all
4 months is not long at all for a newly sober alcoholic. Try two years, minimum. Plus, just like BethAnne said, if he REALLY wanted you back, he wouldn't be with a new GF.
"I wasted 10 years of my life
"I wasted 10 years of my life dating the same dude off and on, on and off, over and over and over. I couldn't get through my thick skull that he was never going to change"
This is exactly what happened with me, except it was 5years. I lost count of the times we broke up then got back together.
I always, always hoped that one day he'd change and that we'd be happy together.
Nope. Never happened. He always did a really good job of pretending he'd changed so we could get back together, then after a while the fake front would slip and we'd be back to where we started, which was basically an extremely unhealthy relationship that I wasn't happy in.
OP, my advice would be: don't waste your time. Move on, find a man who is *already* your match.. Not someone you hope will *turn into* your match.
I know how much it hurts to want someone to change so that it can work. That's why I stayed so long. *Hope* is a very strong emotion. And a wonderful one, when correctly placed in your life.
But I think in the situation of hoping that someone else will change, it's not correctly placed, and can become unhealthy. Save your hope for lovely things that you can aim for *yourself* don't rely on someone else to make changes. Ask yourself if this man can make you happy. And go from there. *hugs*
oh! also what I found helped
oh! also what I found helped when feeling weak/ thinking of getting back together, was writing out all the things he used to do that upset me or just simply weren't up to the standard of man I wanted.. Not necessarily particular things he said or did, (although they helped too) but also the general description of the man and how he makes/ made you feel. It was so surprising how quickly I forgot all the things that used to bug the crap out of me about my ex, lol! I did the same as you and looked back with love and happiness (I have no idea how all the bad stuff just falls out of your head lol! But you're not alone there!)
Anyway, I wrote all these things out in my journal, and then in the next few pages I wrote out all the things I wanted in a man. The difference in those 2 sections of my journal was so vast, that it was handy to read through now and again to remind myself not to waste any more of my life going back to my loser ex. Good luck, I know how hard it is xxx
"So here's what I'm asking,
"So here's what I'm asking, has anyone left and gone back and had it turn out better?"
Nope. I took my exhusband back and I regretted it. We wound up getting divorced anyway.
"I seem to remember the man that he could be and the good times we had together."
Key word here being "could" be.
I also notice you say the "good times" you had together, not how good a man he is, or all the nice things he does for you. It sounds like you miss the experiences ya'll happened to have while in each other's company.
Write down a list of all the good things about him and the relationship. Then write down all the negative things about him and the relationship. That should help you.
You're not being stupid,
You're not being stupid, you're being normal. Nobody likes failure, relationship or otherwise. Of course you would like to go back to the "easy" to the "known" Of course you would like things to work out, to think that you were important enough to someone for them to make changes.
However, I'm a firm believer that people don't "change" they just get older. Oh they might be able to "change" for short periods of time, but 99% of the time, they revert back to their old ways because the "change" is too difficult.
Thanks ladies, I knew I could
Thanks ladies, I knew I could depend on you guys to say it straight out. I'll be revisiting this page in moments of weakness.
I agree completely with those of you that said if he really wanted me back he'd be working on himself, not in a new relationship. I've had the exact same though myself and even worked out in my head what he would need to do in order to get on the path to getting me back.
Also, I am only looking from the outside, so who's to say that's a valid view. I'm guessing by 38, a guy that self-sabotaged his relationship, days after I said I was ready to marry him, he's just not going to change. Not for good. It's sad. Really sad.