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I just miss my old life

Jelly2's picture

Submitted by Jelly2 on Sun, 12/01/2013 - 5:24am

I have a wonderful BD12. 6 years ago I married Dh who his one child under 18-a stinky, lazy, fake, manipulative, lying, thieving, smart-mouthed, spy of a 12 year old SD.

It would be better if the desparate BM didn't orchestrate occasions to place herself in my husband's presence.

It would be better if there wasn't a double standard-BOTH the kids have chores. Stinky doesn't do hers and nothing happens. If I make something happen, dh gets pissed. (he is scared of Sd because her mother is a money hungry dogface hoe who doesn't get child support, but would if Sd decides she doesn't want to live with us 50% of the time.
It would be better if Sd never came to our house again. It's tense when she is here to day the least. My dh doesn't even enjoy her company.
It would be better if Dh were fair with the kids.

It would be better if Dh would allow me to discipline his kid. He disiplines mine.

It would be better if I were an expert at ignoring the SD. It's hard because my Bd is with me almost all of the time, and SD is here 50% of the time, so it's not like I can just vanish.
Any ideas?
How do others cope?

Comments

furkidsforme's picture

Submitted by furkidsforme on Sun, 12/01/2013 - 5:35am

Time to sit DH and have a heart to heart. Family rules should apply equally across the board. Or, he stops parenting your daughter and you worry about yours, he worries about his.

3familiesIn1's picture

Submitted by 3familiesIn1 on Sun, 12/01/2013 - 9:51am

This is where we ended up. I worry about mine, I don't worry about his. I don't allow him to worry about mine because I am not allowed a say in his.

Its not ideal, but its peaceful-ish. DH says he wants one big family but those are words only, not action. In a one big family, I believe the mother has a say over children in the household... Fool

Mine are here 80% of the time and his 50% of the time.

For us, BM has them 50% of the time to avoid paying child support to us.... backward.

Jelly2's picture

Submitted by Jelly2 on Fri, 12/06/2013 - 5:36am

Can't. The BM doesn't like her either. she just got pregnant to try to keep dh with her.

learningallthetime's picture

Submitted by learningallthetime on Sun, 12/01/2013 - 9:13am

I have to agree with the above. How old is she? How much does it cost you already to feed her? I think having 50/50 to get out of child support is a horrible reason, it should be to help and influence the child and because you enjoy their company.

If this arrangement is making everyone miserable, time to come up with a new arrangement.

Jelly2's picture

Submitted by Jelly2 on Fri, 12/06/2013 - 5:37am

It's messed up all right. These two "parents" are the reason this kid is the way she is. Doesn't make her any easier to live with.

onebanana's picture

Submitted by onebanana on Sun, 12/01/2013 - 9:46am

First of all, it would be better if he parented his child and you parented yours, not the other way around or actually any other way.

And second, she SHOULD decide to live with her mother because she obviously isn't wanted in your home and there's no reason to stay.

twoviewpoints's picture

Submitted by twoviewpoints on Sun, 12/01/2013 - 9:46am

I'll never understand the 'send her to her BM's house; ban her from your home' thing. While I will certainly agree the 50/50 isn't working here...what if there were no BM to send her off too? When is it time for the father to start being a parent and actually parent his kid?

The DH in the OP has no problems disciplining his SD aka OP's 12yr old, why can't he be expected to parent his own 12yr old? If he only has this kid in his home to spare himself child support, that's says even less for what type of parent and/or father figure I'd see this man as.

I think (IMO) that it is long overdue time this father stand-up and be a proper parent to his kid. He's letting his kid be a lazy terror to skip by CS. If the money is so important to him than he needs to start making the child have the same rules and expectations as all the children who live in the home. His SD (OP's DD) is going to (if not already) build resentment towards both the other girl (SD) and this SF. OP is already angry over the situation and wishing her old life back.

Any man who has his child with him 50% of the time is just as responsible for the kid's parenting as the BM is. BM also only has this kid 50% of the time. Yeah, it's not mentioned but I suppose BM here can be a real poor mother, but she only has influence over the child 50%. Chicken a$$ Dh who fails to parents his kid the other 50% of the time has equal influence if he would chose to implement it. This guy doesn't. Yet he has no issue being the big father disciplinary figure in his SD's life (sadly shakes head).

stepmonster_2011's picture

Submitted by stepmonster_2011 on Sun, 12/01/2013 - 10:04am

You've nailed it.

Time for this guy to man up and take care of his child. You're point about what if BM wasn't around, I'd bet $10,000 that it would fall to OP. Or worse - a feral child.

sad.

Jelly2's picture

Submitted by Jelly2 on Fri, 12/06/2013 - 5:46am

I don't even know if I can (or ever have or still do) love this man. Not just because he is such a horrible person toward his own kid, but he is a horrible person towards mine too. He actually had the nerve to tell my kid(4'10", 76 pounds) that she is built like a potbelly pig. His kid is 5'3", 160 pounds. Also told me in these words, "it's not my responsibility to provide your kid with food and medical care." As if I don't work and as if I don't get child support. We were fighting about money again. I only pay 1/3 of the household bills and expenses (plus All of my own and my BD's expenses) because that is what we agreed upon when we got together. This is in large part because I do ALL of the housework plus take care of his dh's live-in disabled sibling. Wow. I'm really an idiot.