We'll thankfully SD is doing better now...so much so that her own mother made a joke about the hospital taking her things away so she didn't cut her wrist, according to SO (this kind of humour from BM is I don't know entertaining in a sadistic way)...SO was not happy but kept his mouth shut.

Apparently the kids have been out of school for 5 weeks "dealing with things" what those things are I am at a loss, same with SO. SD may get out today!
SO is back in the hospital today but is in a crisis mode where he is being exagerative of her condition in the hospital ie. being a lone with her thoughts, understandable. But has he seen the hospitals in Cambodia? She is fine and I think it was a cry for help... I don't believe but I'm not in her mind -she wanted to truly do herself in. She started her period yesterday so I wonder if its a severe form of PMDD and the anti depressants mixing. I feel bad she has low self esteem but I don't feel bad for someone who did it to themselves, feel embarrassed doing this- which I hope she regrets... But SO feels bad she's in the psyche ward and feels sorry for her.

Me and SO got into a huge fight this morning and I hate to say it what else is new. This really is not good for my anxiety it has been thru the roof after this and SD wants to live with us. And in my head perhaps this is selfish of me, god forgive for saying this I am thinking I am 28 yrs old I have my own daughter. Now I've gotta change my living arrangement again... We moved in July. SD is very good with my daughter but there have been a few jealous remarks and SO wants her to move in today. I haven't even gotten over Friday yet and this morning I probably said stuff that I shouldn't have to SObut I can't take this resentment . The resentment of him always driving my car, not having enough money, we don't have fun anymore.
I understand his need to be there but he is acting like she is terminal... I have had way more mental issues and heart palpitations for Over a year... Never did anything like this - but when you have panic attacks you really feel like your going to die... But as there is a common theme on Step talk-the panic issues are all in our head and its me that is causing drama--- I am not perfect but I do not have a money hungry ex, kids that for the most part are good but have issues and a bit of jealousy towards my daughter among other stuff.

I am sick of drama... I hope SD gets better but my patience and respect and I hate to say it - love has gone down for SO - I'm sure his has with me too especially with the things I said to him about get moving in and expressing my concerns and resentment over the last few years... There is a part of me that only wants to take care of me and my daughter- you don't have a car- not my problem, you need lunch money - not my problem, your mom doesn't take you to wonderland but I take my daughter - not my problem.

There is so much to consider and I don't know if I can take it and if this is what I want it saddens me, it may make me look like a piece of shit - but I want to be me again not a nit picking financially dissecting hypersensitive resentful step monster.