Good for you!!! I think any of us in the game for a while learn to perfect the "aw, so sorry to hear that" face when we hear skids aren't coming over...did you follow up by locking yourself in the bathroom for a quick dance in front of the mirror?

It is amazing how we become such good actors. Pretending we are proud of skids, or pretending we don't care what is going on with them - it doesn't matter. It is all a game of pretend when it comes to the brats.

I hear you sista! It is soooo hard for me to fake it! Like I'll be literally sick to my stomach on a Saturday morning when I hear SD15 getting a shower.. like oh Geesh, what all important shopping excursion is DH carting her off to now????? Then when DH will say, "hey, just running SD15 to her grandma's, she's going to spend the night" It is like a giant weight is lifted and I feel "free" knowing that she will be gone....

I know that DH has noticed the difference in my mood, even though I've felt like I'm hiding it. Guess I'm not winning any Academy Awards any time soon

Now this is significant in the fact that I NEVER know when SD is coming.
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OMG this DROVE me crazy! The SDs would just come on whatever weekends they pleased. Sometimes 3 weekends in a row, sometimes not for a month. But I hated the not knowing. Every single weekend I was on edge. I HATED it. I finally put a stop to it. Then the skids stopped coming over period.

And congrats on your Oscar

OMG! I could have written all these posts! What is wrong with these men? And it really is THEIR behavior that makes us freak out about their precious kids. It's because there is no balance or even rules for these kids and we are just supposed to smile and smile and smile.

My lovely stepkids left full bottles of pee in their rooms when I asked them to clean up so I could put my house on the market. Do you know what DH said? Maybe the workers left them? The workers FINISHED the basement for his kids the previous summer and the rooms were EMPTY when they moved in. I mentioned it to DH today and he said that the boys denied doing it and maybe someone else had done it. The problem is that they can do nothing wrong in his eyes.

Enter the Twilight Zone. I'm on my third weekend in a row with him running off to play with his boys outside of the house because they got mad when I asked them to text first before stopping by out of the blue and ask permission before they help themselves to things. Instead of trying to reconcile the situation, he is allowing those brats to tell him they hate me and that they never want to come back here.

Why did this man want me to marry him if all he wants is to spend all his time with his kids when they snap their fingers?

This weekend I am making all my own plans. He has not suggested anything that we can do together so I am going to do anything and everything I can to be busy and not be left at home alone like a piece of stale bread.

Why do these guys do this? I don't discard my relationship with my DH for my kids. Is there any hope? Or do you just have to shut your mouth up and pretend it doesn't bother you? I really am pretty bad at acting too, and I often find myself feeling very sad about the whole situation.

It's not a good thing. How do you disengage from your husband and not care that he doesn't care enough to make plans with you. Mine doesn't make plans because he is in suspended animation waiting to see what his boys are doing. I am really feeling today that this marriage isn't going to survive this.

Thanks jmom. It really helps to share my feelings and experiences here with everyone. It's so hard to explain the emotions to people who aren't in a blended family situation. You end up feeling like the skid is running the show and resenting him/her.

I must be in the sad phase, but I've already made plans for this weekend and am going to do my own thing while he caters to the precious boys. He acts like they are going to expire in a year or two and has to fall over for them. What is it about divorce that does this to men?

Funny you mention vacations, I was chatting about fantasy vacations with DH and a friend and mentioned that I'd always wanted to see Italy. He piped up that he'd only want to go to Italy if it were a FAMILY vacation -- meaning he is Italian and HIS kids would go. My kids weren't part of that picture. So much for thinking he might want to take a trip with his wife.

I think I really am starting to see the picture quite clearly and I will make my own plans, even vacations without him because I don't feel like wasting a vacation travelling with the skids. I'm always welcome to join the three of them doing whatever plans they have made. and I know what you mean about all the surprise plans with them -- it is the most insulting, awful way to treat someone who you are supposed to be in a partnership with. To text your kids and make all your plans and then just dump them in your wife's lap. Wow. I think I should probably dry up the tears and start realizing that he is not treating me like an equal in this relationship.

Starting right now instead of sitting home on a Friday night while he has run off to play hockey with his boys, I'm going to go hop in a kick boxing class and see if I have any friends who want to do something after. I am so tired of feeling like this.