Tell me I'm not crazy...

It's been some time since I've posted anything because I try to just ignore a lot of SD and BM's behavior and its not worth sharing because then I would be giving them too much of my time.

Aside from posting the Dear Prudence column that pissed me off this week, I haven't posted anything.

However, I can't look at my SD the same after last week. Here is why: SD is 10. She turned 10 years old at the end of Sept (last month) and 2 weeks before that she got her very first period. Very first, at 9 years old. Because of that, she missed her scheduled weekly visit the 1st Friday of the month. Understandable. Her mother is a disgusting pig and I sure wasn't going to deal with helping her with her feminine/monthly issues or instructing/guiding her on how to properly use feminine products. She has horrible hygiene as it is and it hasn't been handled or the issue hasn't been taken care of for the past 3 years.

Anywho, the 3rd Friday of the month rolls around and hubby picks up SD at school only to find out that BM got her early because she was crying and doubling over in pain because she started bleeding again. This sent her mother into panic mode. When DH called to ask why she didn't notify him so he could pick her up early from school BM's response was that she wasn't "going to wait for him to drive across town when her daughter was in excrutiating pain". Then tells him she's skipping this weekend as she has to get her to a doctor as soon as possible. My hubby tells her that, no, it's his weekend and if she does end up getting a weekend emergency doc appointment that we will take her. That he could have picked her up, and since I, her SM now work for a medical group, she could possibly see one of my docs if she needs to. No need to skip the weekend visit.

So he picks her up and while I'm at work, I ask one of our docs if it's even necessary to see a doctor. I don't really ask, I basically tell him to humor me, give him the story and then ask him to tell me if I'm wrong to assume this period/bleeding issue is normal as usually when a girl gets her period it takes a couple of months for your body to acclimate to the changes and sometimes you end up getting your period twice a month, or something you skip a month, etc. My doc agrees and says there's nothing that a doctor can do but monitor her to make sure that she's not soaking through one or more pads in an hour, or that her abdominal pain isn't so severe that she can't move, etc. Basically to give her Midol or some kind of Naproxen and keep her off of caffeine, have her eat clean and drink a lot of water. Use a hot pad if necessary. No need to call a doc because unless she has severe issues, she can't really have a gyno exam since she's 9 years old (she was at the time) and basically she needs to kind of suck it up because it's her period and this will happen every month. Which is great because that's what I thought about the whole incident anyway. BM just has to overreact to everything.

So we have her for the weekend, she's fine. Come with NO PADS or anything BTW, which is gross. She gets upset the entire weekend when she's told to drink water, no soda or iced tea and to lay off the fried foods or has to get hounded to take her showers every day. She then goes home.

The first weekend in October came and went. All is fine. Today hubby is scheduled to pick up for her second weekend of the month visit. He emails me to tell me that SD is now...wait for it.......

TAKING BIRTH CONTROL PILLS. :jawdrop:

Yes. You heard right. A 10 year old on birth control. When I ask why in the hell would BM do that? WTF! Is she stupid? He tells me that she told him that he would not understand as these are "women issues" and she took her to an OBGYN and after being given a pelvic exam and having some tests done, it showed that her hormone levels are off and that is why she needs to go on the pill so that her hormones can level off. That they will be giving her an ultrasound in two weeks to check her uterus to make sure she has no ovarian cysts.

My poor hubby of course doesn't seem to understand why the pill is not necessary. I still have to go home to talk about this mess tonight.

But am I nuts to think that this is ridiculous?! I am outraged at the medical professional who would allow such a decision. Of course her hormone levels are OFF! She just started her damn period!!! It's going to take a good while for her hormone levels to stabilize and it's common for her to have more than one period considering that she's never had one before. That's why they're called raging hormones for a reason!

I'm just outraged at dumb @ss BM. Putting her on the pill is denying her body from acclimating itself to the changes it has to go through because of puberty. You are manipulating her body's own dynamics and not allowing them to work on their own to get her back to normal. You aren't allowing her body to acclimate itself to puberty.

BM is basically giving her a pill that will eventually give her fatigue, mood swings and will increase the size of her breasts. She's already 5'6" in fourth grade and gets picked on as it is because she's tall and overweight and has horrible hygiene. Now you are going to add larger boobs to the mix?

Someone tell me I'm right in being upset. I've already to DH that I will have nothing to do with reminding her to take her pill and neither should he. BM is already sending him emails requesting a daily confirmation at 4:30pm to let her know that SD has taken her pill.

To me that damn pill opens a lot of doors to a bunch of potential problems that I do not want to deal with when she's a full blown teenager.

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She is custodial parent and

She is custodial parent and he is non-custodial parent. He gets her every 1st, 3rd, and 5th weekend of the month beginning Thursday after school and returns her Monday at school.

BM is supposed to consult with him prior to making any major medical decisions. She never does. Basically makes decisions and is very "oh BTW SD has to take..." after the doctor/procedure.

We can't even get SD's doctor information, after we've asking for numerous reasons. So we can't even call the doctor to ask if this decision was medically necessary. But what do we expect? BM denied giving us info or access to her doctor so we can transfer her medical records to our doctor's office so she can be on our insurance. When we went to court the judge reprimanded her for it and said if she can't cooperate then she needs to supply the child's insurance. She has a minimum wage PT job so SD is on Medicaid. Medicaid doctors don't care as long as they get paid. The more procedures they can get reimbursed for, the better. This include birth control. For every patient they can get on a certain brand, the pharmaceutical company who pimped it to them gives them some kind of incentive.

So I'm not surprised that a medicaid doctor would put her on the pill, or through any other unnecessary procedure.

In that case he should

In that case he should document every instance of this for use in court.

If he believes sd is being neglected at BMs he needs to call CPS.

I know you "cannot look at" sd the same way but she really doesn't seem to be at fault here.

I was wondering what kinda

I was wondering what kinda doc would put a 10yo on the pill! I can't believe the doctor or medical centre wont give the FATHER of the child medical information! That's just... :jawdrop:

Yep it happens the NCP is

Yep it happens the NCP is expected to pay support and practice parenting time, but I guess the law doesn't think it is important to share medical issues!

Does dh contact SDs doctor at

Does dh contact SDs doctor at all? Because he should and should wave the CO in their faces if they give him grief.

Buy some ultra absorbency pads and tampons for her to have at your house. Maybe get her some of those scented ones, and ones they have for teens. Yes, bm should send them over but they are cheap at Walgreens.

WTF. When I was in school, I

WTF. When I was in school, I had a few friend who go their period when they were 9 and none of them took birth control. 10 years old is ridiculous. Now Swamp Hole, probably has already put Mini on birth control too. Since Swamp was screwing around since she was 13/14 years old.

OMG, I feel badly for your sd having a bm like that.

It was supposedly prescribed

It was supposedly prescribed because she didnt like her cramps. It was done so right after she started her very first period which is stupid.

Even if she did medically need it, we will never know. She wasn't given the chance to experience her period normally before BM had the pill interfere with her cycle.

I am upset because while she isn't my kid, no 10 year old should go through the side effects, even if minimal all because BM thinks its right. I am upset because this is the monster that we will deal with, pill induced mood swings and all every other weekend.

I know that the pill is prescribed for other reasons other than birth control, but it is usually done so after it's been seen that the person needing it is having menstrual cycle issues. She's only had her period once.

I think it's unnecessary, not abuse. I never said that. While she is not my own, that problem is something my DH does not need to deal with, especially since he didn't agree to it.

No he can't contact her doctor because she is no longer on our medical insurance. BM does not and will not supply us with any info, no doctor name, no practice name, or any names of her pediatrician of dentist. She is on medicaid, that BM put her on and until she even gives us at least the name of a doctor, we have no way of knowing who treats her. Even though my DH is supposed to know, BM continues to keep it from him.

FYI: When the pill pack was

FYI: When the pill pack was sent today, the first time we've actually seen it, the pharmacy information was peeled off.

This isn't the first time SD has come over with prescribed medications that have the pharmacy label peeled off.

Why? Because BM doesn't want us to know her doctor's name so that we can look them up to call and ask questions.

So yes, DH is very upset, but can not speak to the Dr. himself if he doesn't even know the name of the doctor.

Yes we've been to court and all yes she's been served with contempt papers. We live in Texas. The court could give a rat's behind about bio-dad. They always assume each one is a dead beat.

She's just gotten a slap on the hand and a warning about how she needs to comply. She never does.

What is the name of the pill?

What is the name of the pill? Aygestin is what is normally prescribed for hormone therapy and it is written clearly that is less effective than other forms of birth control it only has progesterone no estrogen.

Well I am pretty shocked at a

Well I am pretty shocked at a 10 year old on birth control pills also. But I am not her doctor and I do know the pill is used for reasons other than birth control. I think that if your partner is concerned (and rightly so) then he needs to go with sd to the doctor who prescribed this drug in the first place to find out why it was prescribed. He can go with BM if need be, if BM refuses and he really is concerned he can see his attorney or take BM back to,court, whatever it takes. It's no good bitching about the BM if he's not prepared to do whatever it takes to find out why his 10 year old has been on birth control since she was 9.

I also think you getting hypotheticals from a GP who is not a OBGYN and has never seen the child then taking them back to your partner is going to do you more harm than good.

Ultimately this child has two parents, you are not one if them, but in giving medical opinions you have taken on that role, not your place. Your place is as your husbands wife, to support him, and to understand he is concerned about his child's well being. Tell him by all means if you want to take this back to court and fight for the right to have access to your daughters medical records, I will support you. End of story. Butting in and firing him up, telling him BM should do this and that, getting over involved and getting hypothetical medical scenarios, the passing them to dh, even if they are right, only serves to keep adding fuel to this fire and does nothing towards getting a solution for your husband. If you continue over involving yourself, winding your husband up,and by default encouraging dh and BM to be at each other's throats, will only cause you and your dh more problems in the end. Let your husband fight this in court with your support. Don't have anymore input into the medical side of things.

Eh people post a lot of

Eh people post a lot of things. That is what we are here for!

I post what I want. Plus I

I post what I want. Plus I don't have to acclimate to having to pay for SD's pills when BM requests reimbursement from us. Which she does. I fully support my husband in all his decisions and he has every reason to be upset over this. Assuming that I push medical opinions on him to fuel the fire is stupid. A medical opinion from one of my gynos at work was sought because as responsible people we need to know what to expect especially if she's spending the weekend with us and BM can't seem to get a doc for SD for her so called pain.

If you read my post SD was fine the entire weekend after the supposed excruciating pain. She's known to make excuses to be picked up at school. As it is she has excessive absences and tardiness because BM is an idiot.

My SD is very manipulative as a result of the things get mother tells her.

So while I do not want to get involved I will because as a supportive wife I see that my husband is at his wits end with BM and this is after approximately 3 years of ongoing court battles.

If it were you in my place you would be outraged and upset too.

"So while I do not want to

"So while I do not want to get involved I will because as a supportive wife I see that my husband is at his wits end with BM and this is after approximately 3 years of ongoing court battles." I could not have said it better! Although there are some medical reasons for this to be prescribed. OP has not been witness to anything that would make her think her SD has a medical condition. BM should have expressed her concern for her daughter about the cramps to the child's father even before speaking to a doctor or making an appointment.

Thank you. Nice to know that

Thank you. Nice to know that someone shares my sentiments. What some posters seem to not understand is that we come into this site to vent because more often than not things have taken a turn for the worse. We aren't SK haters or at least the majority of is aren't and a good portion of posters don't start out that way. We become this way because of the things we put up with even if we are disengaged. You disengage from your SK, not your SO.

The pills she's on are Ortho Tri Cyclen. Personally I was on these years ago before I had a kiddo and they were awful. Or at least the side effects were. I even asked at work what pills, generally work to aid with any menstrual problems and the one you mentioned previously was one of them. But this is not the case. I truly believe she was out on pills so BM won't have to deal with SD calling from school during that time of the month.

SD had been exhibiting signs of puberty since last year and when hubby was alarmed because at 8 years old she had some serious BO and hair under her arms I did tell him that he may want to broach the subject of maybe asking BM if she had already had the puberty talk with SD because we were expecting a period soon since she is overweight and puberty seems to be coming rapidly. BM refused because SD is too young to understand. BM has a history of always being in denial about issues with SD. She still uses a booster seat for her and treats her like a little baby.

Plus things are hard as fat as coparenting goes because BMs new hubby get all up in their business and has physically attacked DH. Exchanges became so bad and she would not show up or answer calls that now pick up and drop offs are at school and during the summer they happen at our local police substation. They are only to communicate through email because BM is way too volatile at pick up or when exchanging info.

So for other posters to insinuate that I'm just being a bitch or that it's none off business to get involved, know that this is why I am the way I am with SD. We are trying to parent a child who has been subjected to PAS for the past 3 years and after so many custody modifications, parenting classes, therapy, court dates and contempt orders against BM, this is all that's left and she still makes it hard. I have up on SD a long time ago but this is hubby's daughter and if he wants to pursue visits with her until SD finally says she wants nothing from him, then he will continue to do so and I will continue to support him. Like it or not.

HECK NO if there is nothing

HECK NO if there is nothing on the pill pack or anything provided by bm with the docs name on it prescribing this to your SD not a chance I would give it to her! Those could be anyone's pills. I hope your DH will see the light!

You are a very supportive

You are a very supportive wife I think sometimes people tend to forget obligations as a wife or husband really need to come before being a parent step or not. If your spouse is a douche then divorce them, but if he/she respects and loves you then you return that love and respect. This is why disengaging has not worked for me. I admire the ones who can disengage from their step kids without causing problems within the marriage but I just could not do it.

also you are not obligated to

also you are not obligated to give your SD anything that does not have the label intacked with orders from the doctor. BM tried this and DH told her he will NEVER give his daughter drugs that he has no information on. You should do the same.

I agree with everything Patsy

I agree with everything Patsy is saying. Do you guys have like a 'health line' where you live? Or maybe where you work you could ask a practitioners professional advice about administering a minor with medication that is unlabelled. I would think they will tell you guys NOT to do that, then your DH writes BM an email or text (easier to document) that he has seeked professional advice and is very uncomfortable with the idea of giving SD pills from the unlabelled box as it could be anyones. You either need to see a medical certificate that outlines the need for the medication or further medications need to be clearly labelled from now on.

GREAT IDEA MamaDuck! Totally

GREAT IDEA MamaDuck! Totally forgot about that! Yeah our hospital in town has a line to the nurses in the ER to ask questions like that. It's a rather small town so I am not sure if this is a normal thing for all hospitals to have.

I came into this discussion a

I came into this discussion a little late but there are several reasons I'd be in a fury. #1 a child a ten year old was subjected to a pap exam? #2 unlabeled drugs are expected to be given to a child, #3 none of this was a medical proven necessity I'd be damned if those pills didn't disappear while I filed in court to remove BM in any medical decisions and or hold her in contempt. I as a parent am upset a 10 yr old child is being subjected to such medical neglect/abuse by her BM and be darn sure that ended.