Should I be concerned about the following?
I posted yesterday about how I secretly am happy when we don't get SD but by the same token I don't want her father, my BF to lose touch with her. I have disengaged myself but in no way do I want their relationship to suffer. Anywho...I have no children of my own but I have nieces, 18 mos, 4 and 5 years of age. So I have some idea of how a child develops with age.
I have noticed that SD, who is 6 by the way exhibits the following:
1. Does not know how to wipe herself and expects me to do it for her. I tell her that I can supervise her but that I will not do it. I told my BF that wiping her makes me uncomfortable. It makes me wonder how she manages at school. By what age should a child know how to wipe? My 4 and 5 year old nieces have been doing this on her own for quite some time now.
2. She doesn't know how to brush her teeth properly. Expects me to monitor her while she does it or to do it for her. (wtf?)
3. Has no set bed time. She falls asleep when she feels like it. At this point they should have a set bed time, right?
4. Does not know how to tie her shoe laces on her own.
5. Does not like for me to comb her hair and will refuse to bathe.
6. Hates leaving the house, watches TV all day and if allowed, will eat all day long.
7. Does not wash her hands after using the toilet and will not flush the toilet when she's done using it.
9. Will not use a napkin when eating.
10. Does not know how to dress herself. Granted, we pick out her clothes, but she expects to have one of us dress her.
11. Last but not least, she will ask my BF to hold her like a baby and rock her. (wtf? is that normal for a 6 year old?)
I have told my BF that in no way is she developmentally delayed. She is pretty smart but I wonder if BM spoils her at home and does everything for her? I know for a fact that she is overscheduled. I know that some children have activities but how much is too much? Currently SD is in kindergarten, she started a year late because BM wanted to put her in a gifted school...come on, she's six! She has gymnastics, cheerleading, plays softball, and volleyball and now BM has asked for money to register her in swimming. Isn't this too much? IMO all this overscheduling has made her into a very anti-social child, very dependent on a schedule and she now lacks any imagination. When she's with us she expects us to tell her what to do or to make a list for her of the things she has to do. For example, she'll ask what are we doing today and she wants you to answer her by giving her an exact list of every activity that will take place for the day. If for some reason we don't do it, she becomes very cranky and unbearable.
Is this normal. For the past month I have let my BF deal with everything and anything to do with her. She has become very disrespectful and I've noticed that when our friends children come over, they try to play with her but then will ignore her. She's very bossy, very demanding and has to win and be the best at everything or else will be mad. I've watched her play with other children only to witness her cheat so that she can win. Then she taunts the kids afterward. She's very arrogant and acts like she's the best because her BM tells her she is. She's turning into an mini-BM, a stuck-up, conceited brat. Her mother is the same. My BF thinks it's typical child behavior.
I think it's BM's fault and that if no one teaches her about fairness, hygiene, being independent, or gives her enough space to explore things on her own and gives her room to flourish, that she'll turn into an even more spoiled child.
I just sit back and watch. I figure in the end, it's going to bite BM and BF in the ass when she's older and doesn't know the meaning of the word "no".
I don't know, is this something that my BF should be worried about. I believe it is. But he may have to see some of the responses to this post in order to see that there may be some truth to the things I tell him.
Thanks in advance everyone!
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I dont think that she is
I dont think that she is developmentally delayed, I think she is just lazy. BM probably does all that stuff for her and thus she expects it from you. There are a few books out there about proper use of the toilet, wiping, hand washing, etc that is for kids her age, maybe you could have BF get her the book and read it with her? And try to stress to her that if she wants to be a big girl (which all kids do!) that she needs to brush her own teeth and she needs to learn how to use the bathroom the right way.
I am going to answer one at
I am going to answer one at a time--what I think and have experienced with SD10 when she was that age....
1. We had SD wipe herself at 4 1/2 yrs. they say on SuperNanny 3 to 4 yrs. I bet she does this since someone helps her, tell her she is old enough to do it herself, after being told no for a wk or so she will give up.
2.No kids brush there teeth properly, seriously. She wants you or someone to watch or help becuz she doesn't want to stand in the bathroom alone.
3. This is becuz of the parents. Set a time, 8 or 8:30 pm and stick with it. No kids like there bedtime.
4. My SD had trouble with this till she was about 7 yrs. it is tough for some kids. Talk her through it, she will catch on.
5. A kid thing
6. Yikes!
7. Washing hands is something that you need to drill into kids. I think kids don't want to flush becuz they are scared. My SD grew out of this when she was about 9 yrs.
8. kid stuff
9. With my BS3 we pick out of his clothes, shut the door and tell him to get dressed. He comes out and sometimes it is wrong but he learned. She will too.
10. Oh yes SD did this too! It was irratating but she grew out of it. I don't know, your H will have to do something about this....I am not sure how to stop this.
Overall she is spoiled. Some of this is normal I think. Remember thats what happens in your Hs home is his fault. Kids are smart they know what they get away with at moms they don't always get away with at dads.
This is just my opinion good luck to you.
#10 & 11 are not normal. On
#10 & 11 are not normal. On #1, my son just turned 6 and sometimes can't wipe good enough. I have flushable wipes for him in cases like that. I also brush his teeth, because I let him do it in kindergarten and he ended up with a small cavity...so I now brush them after he "tries". #4 - my son has learned the motions for tying his shoes, but cannot do it properly (can't get it into a tight bow). Problem is, most of the shoes that he likes, like sketchers and nike, are velcro types. The rest all sounds like laziness and bad parenting.
"I child proofed my whole house, but they STILL get in!"
Had the same problem.My
Had the same problem.My husband would come to his calling "I'm done!" I then spoke with my better half and stated at 6 years old he should know how to wipe his own behind. He said his mother always did this for him? well it took a while, but when he realized I wouldn't wipe him, he was going to learn how to clean himself and he did. No help from the bm on this.
Hipster, I would think that
Hipster, I would think that some of these questions you would be able to answer yourself and even maybe go a little further with the answers, given your BS in Psychology, no? And I would also think that your BF would see your opinion/thoughts on this issue as being credible instead of chalking it up to normal kid behavior.
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Thanks you guys. I do have
Thanks you guys. I do have a BS in psych and i don't want to come off as me not learning anything from getting my degree. lol. I try hard not to analyze every behavior because I know it gets annoying. lol.
I have an idea of what an appropriate age a child needs to be when reaching a milestone or learning new things.
But I don't have kids, and I do realize some people parent differently. It's hard when I try to make a suggestion to BF so that he won't get frustrated or so that he can "man up" and do his job as a parent but I always get the "there you go again, psychoanalyzing my daughter's behaviors" or "i know what I'm doing, she's just little".
So I leave it alone. But I guess I also need reassurance that I'm right on some level when it comes to the issues I listed. I want to make sure that my thoughts are credible enough. I don't put my two cents in when I see these behaviors, rather I try to take myself out of the equation and let BF parent his own child. But when he asks me what I think and I tell him, he gets defensive.
As a counselor I know he's in denial because he knows that his kiddo is a spoiled brat and that no one likes being around her including his mother! I think it hurts him to see that, so he just tells himself that she's just a kid.
My 5 year old ss can do all
My 5 year old ss can do all of those things, except I do help him brush his teeth. He can do it but i ensure it's done properly. Kids have super short attention spans and memories so at times they forget to flush and wash hands. I just ask if he did it or not and sometimes he has forgotten.
Your BF and BM need to step up and start teaching her to do things for herself, rather than doing stuff for her. If she seems spoiled and lazy it's because she has been allowed to be.
Do you have any Developmental Psych books kicking about? I'd get one for my bf and show him what ages certain milestones should be reached.