I guess this is more for me than anything else, a means to purge the crazy so to speak.

I have mentioned this a few times and I don't want to dwell or harp as I know this is a common occurrence, but I had a miscarriage in April. Since then I feel very much... out of control. One month I will be fine and the next... I can't get a grip. My cycle used to be basically every two months, I never knew when, but when it happened it was always the same from the mood swings to the cramps- predictable unpredictable. I would have violent mood swings the week before my period and then be fine after that. After the miscarriage, it was every month and now every 6 weeks or so.. that doesn't bother me so much. The trouble is that the mood swings are out of control. I don't know if my hormone levels are still off or what. My husband even says that it has been more intense. Now it just seems like every 2 weeks or so I lose my mind for a few days.

Today was the worst, I started the day a little blue (not that unusual, we have have blue days from time to time), then as the morning went on and I got to work I started crying, I'm not sure why, I was just sitting there by myself doing some paperwork and I got tears on the paper! Then I was trying to help this perfectly nice, if not somewhat gruff old man- he was talking very loud and being very pushy, and I could not get away from him fast enough, I had to hide in the back to catch my breath. I hid several times today to catch my breath. I called my husband on the way home and he told me we had no food. I told him that was ridiculous as I just bought a ton of food. Nothing was put out to thaw, so everything we have frozen at the moment. Ok, no big deal- but it felt like an attack at that moment for some reason. We got into a ridiculous argument. I pick up food and go home. I have a wonderful but very excitable beagle who is the apple of my eye and he gets very excited when I come home, as does SD4. This is great and should make me feel wonderful that my arrival is greatly aticipated... but today I couldn't take it, dog jumping up and down on me and crying very loudly, child running toward me and screaming yahoo!!! at the tope her lungs (further exciting the dog) it really is sweet, but it was too much chaos to walk into today. I lost my temper and ran into the bedroom and cried uncontrollably... for 15 minutes...... wtf? This is very odd behavior for me, and it is a week after my period.

My husband barely never knows how to respond and when he does he usually makes it worse by trying to make light of the situation. He's just so... stoic about everything, sometimes I wonder if her even sees me. I used to date all of these very sensitive men who would have cried with me. My husband never cries, not even when I lost the baby, he just stayed in the front room, while I was laid up in bed and he tended to my basic needs... this is how HE shows love, but it just made me feel alone.

I don't know how to get my body back to normal, I have made a doc appointment to see if she has any suggestions, and also because I am pretty sure that my last doc was responsible my miscarriage so I am hunting a one.

That's it for now, thanks for listening-

-Willfull