So I've been quietly reading this site for quite some time and recent events have made me want to finally make a post. Honestly I'm a bit scared to cuz some hurtful things are said on here... But there are also a lot of helpful!
So here's my background story. My husband has a 3 year old daughter. Not from a wife, not from a girlfriend, but from a one night stand (conniving girl).
We have been best friends through high school and we talked about everything.
He had a bad past and in no way am I defending him because when you sleep with someone, you run the risk of getting them preggo so he's not excused AT ALL. But this girl was his groups "go to girl" when they were horny. For about 3 years the boys would "pass her around" during parties or whenever they wanted to get some. She was on birth control and would let them get it raw -_-. Well apparently one day (we found this out by her ex best friend) she decided she was ready for a family. Thinking if she got one of the guys to get her pregnant, she would trap him into being a family with her. My husband (well back then he was my best friend) never slept with her because he thought she wasn't attractive and didn't really ever feel the need to. But one drunken night in the party, he ended up sleeping with her once.
Fast forward 14 or so months later. We are engaged, he's straightened up and everything is going great for us! Planning our wedding and building our life together. Then he gets the fb message. "Hey. I have a 4 month old daughter and I think she may be yours. I've already tested 3 other guys but I KNOW it's you now". Long story short, she got pissed when he wanted a DNA test saying he doesn't want his daughter. He took it and BAM he's the father. The other guys slept with her multiple times but of course he ends up being the one... Guess God has his own plans huh? Well the rest kind of is typical in these situations. She tried getting him to cheat on me, leave me, guilt him, etc. anything she could do to try to get him to have this little family with her and nothing worked. He stood strong. So she finally used SD as a tool. Said if you don't move back (we had moved 4 hours away from our hometown) and make a family with us, you'll never see your daughter again. That's when he decided he needed to file in court if he wanted a relationship with his daughter. Through court we found out a lot about her (lived with abusive bf, forged signatures to daycare to up child support, hit SD hands and pinched her cheeks to the point where she didn't want anyone touching her hands and her cheeks were bruised, kept her from her father multiple times (a total of 8 months in the 2 years we went through court), moved 6 times in one year, got kicked out of one home cuz she threatened to fight the owner because she told her she shouldn't be taking her daughter out all hours of the night, our lawyer even saw her at a bar WITH SD, has insurance for her but didn't take her to the dr for over a year from the age of 6months to 2 years old, etc etc I could go on and on.)
Within this time, my SD has started calling me mommy. She was calling me lifesucks at first but as she reached the age of 2 she started calling me mommy and no one could tell her different. She'd have a complete meltdown if you tried to get her to call me by my name.
My husband is also a great father. She is disciplined very well, she is not allowed to be disrespectful in our home, she is soooo smart, and does many activities here that she excels in. He doesn't let her get away with anything and stands his ground against her mother. No matter what threats or Bull**** she tries to pull, he remains calm and refers back to the custody order.
Court gave him 50/50 but said he was the more fit parent. But of course because she is a mother, they wanted to give her a chance. They said to come back to court when she is of school age and they will see how much the mother has improved and will decide then who will be primary.
I wanted to tell my background before I got into the things that I'm struggling with.... Of course like everyone else, I cannot stand the BM. But what is really getting to me now is my husband and I have been TTC. I was diagnosed with PCOS and we have been trying for a good while now. The doctor started me on clomid and the first round was unsuccessful (I don't ovulate and the medicine was supposed to make me ovulate but it didn't work). I am feeling very disheartened... And while I do LOVE my SD to death, I can't help but get upset thinking I won't ever have a child with my husband and he will always have a child with the BM....
My SD is loved like my own here but I know it would be completely diff experience having my own.... I guess I'm just very disheartened and thinking life is so unfair... The people that don't deserve kids, get them. And the ones that do... Don't.