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How did you handle it when skids started to figure out that BM is a worthless twunt?

queenofthedamned's picture

Submitted by queenofthedamned on Wed, 08/07/2013 - 8:47pm

So, BM is worthless, from a long line of worthless people (truly). Anyone who's ever met her or them knows it.

Skid1 (and to a lesser extent, skid2) has always been BM's biggest fan. He'll come home from visits with her and spout things like "Mom got a job at a different convenience store because she's management material! She's gonna make soooooo much money!" while FDH and I sit there thinking "She couldn't manage a monkey, much less a fucking store." Or the ever classic "Mom gets FREE money from the government for food every month! Like $600 bucks! Isn't that awesome?!?" while we think "She's such a fucking lowlife she's teaching the skids to be proud of scamming the system and taking unneeded handouts." We always bite our tongues. No sense saying anything bad about her and alienating skids.

Thanks to worthless BM, the skids didn't get enrolled in day camp this summer (and she stole money from FDH that was supposed to be used to register them. Fucking twunt, but that's another blog for another day). FDH is CP, but they go to 50/50 in the summer. So, at our house and hers, the skids have been left home alone doing nothing all day. Skid1 has stepped up and is taking responsibility for watching his brother, but it's pretty boring for them and makes the weekends with them really exhausting because we're trying to get them out doing things. Anyway, FDH decided to pay skid1 for watching his brother. BM, ever competitive, also agreed to pay him, and to pay him more.

Difference is, he's never seen a dime from her. The other night, he was trying to figure out how much money he'll have by the end of the summer, and what he could buy with it. The figure seemed a little low, so I asked him why. He said, "Because mom will never pay me," and looked really sad.

The last time they were with her for a weekend, she got super drunk, took something of skid1's and hid it. And then promptly forgot where. Fucking twunt. So of course, he's hurt and pissed about that too.

So what do you say/do in this situation? I will never say a bad word about her, but he likes to confide in me sometimes. Would it be appropriate to say "I know how much it hurts when someone disappoints you" or something to that effect? Or do I keep the lip zipped?

Chalk this up as yet another situation I could never have imagined I'd be living.

Comments

Onefootout's picture

Submitted by Onefootout on Wed, 08/07/2013 - 8:58pm

SS16 just confirmed with his dad the other day that mama cheated on dad with SS' stepdad. SS16 then threatened to do something to his stepdad, SO put SS in his place, this was not his business. SO acted like this is the first SS ever knew of it. I told SO that SS would never have asked if he didn't already know. He just needed SO to confirm it. He's always hated his stepdad, now he has the best excuse to hate him even more. Great.

Damn, does this mean SS won't go visit BM during the summer. We have SS full time. I've always tried to encourage SS to accept his mom, although she is completely worthless. Completely self serving I know, but I like that summer break.

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Wed, 08/07/2013 - 9:21pm

I think if you keep your comment generic, you're ok. Or just listen and give him a hug.

My SD has learned over the years what a bitch her mother is but that is still where her loyalty lies. BM made SD use the $100.00 she earned with perfect attendance at summer school, to buy her own school supplies when she was 11. That is just one of the many, many ways BM has disappointed SD.

We never bad mouthed BM but now that SD is 22, I have heard my husband say to her, when she complains about her mother, "Well, she is psycho." And SD says, "I know." But she still loves her and that is understandable, I suppose. Mostly, DH just listens. Like when SD walked in on her mother and her FIL having sex. Oops.

Oh, SD recently found out that her mother is a swinger. It never ends.

queenofthedamned's picture

Submitted by queenofthedamned on Thu, 08/08/2013 - 5:31pm

I suppose that's the biggest diving force behind me keeping my lip zipped. I care for the kid, I do, but he'll always be one her side. She's his mom. Why should I put myself in the line of fire?

htracewell's picture

Submitted by htracewell on Wed, 08/07/2013 - 10:03pm

I think a generic comment is good. Keep it simple. Regardless of how worthless BM is, it's still their mom and with all disappointments, they love her. In the end, the boys will know you are dependable and love them and are a safe adult to vent the frustrations to. Good luck.

3Libras06's picture

Submitted by 3Libras06 on Wed, 08/07/2013 - 11:47pm

Ehhh.... The closest we've gotten to that was when FDH proposed to me and SS11 got very upset, saying that when his BM got engaged/married again that she had a baby and forgot all about him. Two babies, actually. Anyway, he was scared that the same thing was going to happen with us.
The only thing I could think to say that wasn't directly rude about her was, "Unfortunately I can't explain to you why your mom does the things she does, but I can assure you that I am a different person and that will never happen with you in this household. I think it would be a good idea for you to talk to her about your feelings sometime though, she's the only one who can make it right".