Experienced SMs of the world, what would you do?
So skid1 has a friend - we'll call him Chubbs - in the basically the same social position as him (not many friends, issues with other kids, etc). When skid1 is here EOWE he inevitably asks if Chubbs can spend the night, which inevitably turns into the whole weekend. So essentially, FDH has another kid, and it irks the fuck out of me.
We have one bathroom. ONE. Four people sharing it is annoying enough, but five is almost enough annoyance to send me over the edge. Twice the smelly teenager, twice the AXE spray induced coughing fits, twice the long dumps on OUR ONLY TOILET, twice the uppity teenaged know it all wisecracks. Ugh.
And if that wasn't enough, we end up spending $$ to feed Chubbs the whole weekend, and driving to pick him up and drop him off. His useless, lazy ass, no gas money having mother actually makes BM look good, because at least BM has a (craptastic, dead end) job.
On the other hand, the amount of "I'm bored" whines decreases dramatically when Chubbs is around (although, unfortunately, not to zero), so that's a plus. A pretty huge plus, honestly, because on the odd weekend that Chubbs is not available, skid1 is so far up FDH's ass I can lick his hair when we kiss (not that having a whiny entitled brat around is conducive to kissing, but you get my drift).
I know FDH feels bad for Chubbs, because his dad lives in another state and his mom is worthless, but really? Really??? This is the 7th skid weekend IN. A. ROW. Chubbs will be spending at our home. And I feel shafted - feeding another kid who isn't mine, entertaining another kid who isn't mine all makes me feel like I'm picking up the slack for yet another twuntwad BM. I have no bios - hopefully that will change but the odds aren't good - so why should I, a childless woman with a good job seeking an education to get an even better job - have my resources and patience used up by a kid that isn't even FDH's?
I have no idea how to bring this up to FDH, or even if I should. Would you? And how? Am I being ridiculous here?
- queenofthedamned's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
I have always subscribed to
I have always subscribed to the theory that the friend is worth the extra trouble. (But I have girls, and more than one bathroom)
The friend keeps the stepkid off hubby's leg.......
But the bathroom deal..... I don't know. I'd kill a little mofo.
The dumps these kids
The dumps these kids take..... I'm not even kidding you, they are fucking ridiculous. And then they clog the toilet and don't tell anyone. It truly makes me want to put a padlock on the door to the bathroom.
Who the hell buys a 3 bedroom house with only one bathroom?!? (My loveable idiot FDH, that's who!)
Ha, ha, I have a 3 bedroom
Ha, ha, I have a 3 bedroom house with one bathroom but I have no kids and we had SD only EOWE, so it worked out ok. But yeah, at least another 1/2 bath would be great.
BM does not entertain other
BM does not entertain other people's children in her home (she's a twunt), so any weekend social interactions they have are on FDH's time, which I think is why he allows this to continue.
And hell no, skid does NOT go to Chubbs' house. Apparently, it is disgustingly filthy enough to make BM's house look good, and that's saying something, so skid will not go there. It would probably less annoying if it were a somewhat reciprocal relationship.
Dtz, you have no idea how bad
Dtz, you have no idea how bad this house (formerly the home BM and FDH lived in together) was when I moved in. Filth LAYERS thick on the walls, a toilet so disgusting it took two fucking weeks of hard work to clean it. No joke. If Chubbs' home is worse, it has to be terrible.
My SIL's, too. Ya know how
My SIL's, too. Ya know how bugs usually scatter when the lights go on? Not at my SIL's, they were right at home.
I understand the benefit,
I understand the benefit, less whining from your SS when his friend is there, but 7 weekends in a row is a bit much. This is supposed to be his time with his dad, after all.
I would just tell your FDH that although you're ok with it every now and then, let's not over do it and make it a given that Chubbs can just spend every skid weekend there. Does he want to start paying CS for Chubbs, as well?
At least your SS asks. DH once went to pick up SD and her friend just jumped in the car. My husband, God bless him, said, "Uh, no." I would have WENT OFF had he showed up with an extra kid!
You are not being ridiculous.
Thank you! Sometimes I feel
Thank you! Sometimes I feel like my view of skid related issues is tainted by my childless state, so I doubt myself.
If so, then I am right there
If so, then I am right there with ya (in my purposeful, childless state)!
But really, even in intact families, there is a limit.
I would say no on Friday
I would say no on Friday night but maybe tomorrow night. If sleepovers start on Saturday evening he can't over-stay his welcome and you aren't the bad guy!
I actually thought it was
I actually thought it was better when the “angels” friends would come over. Actually they had no friends at the time so it was usually their 2nd cousins. Slowed down the CONSTANT “daaaaddddddyyyyyy look at meeeeeeeee” “daaaaaadyyyyyyyyyy I cant fiiiiinnnnndddd it” “daaaaaaadddddyyyyy help me to breathe”
You need to ramp up your Nanny 911! Start, ever so slowly, turning your house into a workcamp for corpulent children. Now ifyour DH is ANYTHING like Mr. Guilty Daddy, you’ll need to do this out of earshot of him. Try to make it sound fun “today we will be having a contest to see who can get these floors the cleanest!” Expect a shitty job, but give them “choices” between equally undesirable chores. Lawn and leaf pickup, pet poop duty, closet cleaning, attic, basement, garage cleaning. You are right beside them to supervise.
The REALITY is that this is the way it’s done in “normal” households and you’ll be doing them a favour getting them well needed exercise. You’ll be teaching them the valuable lesson that life isn’t all fun and games! That you should aspire to more than just a government-kept pet like their BMs.
You WILL get fallout and when SS and Chubbs complain BE PREPARED. Praise them in front of DH “Aren’t those two quick learners? So clever!” Or some such rot. Remember to smile broadly! When DH tells you you’re being “too harsh” just reply, “oh kids and their exaggerations, what fantastic imaginations they have” Or “two boys make half a boy!” Be creative. Just before the boys head back to the BM’s house, whisper to them “be sure to come back now, I have a lot more fun activities like we did today planned for next time” with a smile and a wink!