DH says I'm insecure about BM
Here's the background:
DH and BM were together about 3 months and she got pregnant and they stayed together til SS9 was about 2. I met DH about 2 years after they split up, when SS was 4 and we've been together ever since. About a year into our relationship and BM had already married the guy she cheated on DH with, DH and I went through a bit of a rough patch. We had been living together for about 6 months, but for whatever reason ( I don't remember) we were not really talking. I noticed that DH would go on his phone and text all throughout the day and would turn the phone away from my direction. Even when he went to the bathroom he would take the phone with him. One time when he had gone to take a shower, I realized he left the phone in his truck, so I went outside to take a look. This was when I found out BM and DH had been texting nonstop, none of it about SS. A lot of it was sexually explicit. I don't remember exactly what I read as I have tried to block this out of my mind. But it was bad. I was horrified and flipped out on DH. There was lots of crying on both our parts but eventually we made up. And here we are happily married 4 years later.
Yesterday:
Here's the thing: BM is not ugly. She is actually pretty and would be considered attractive to the general male population. Her problem is that she's very flakey and dumb. She asked me how to spell the word "golden". Anyways, I hate the fact that she's pretty, to be honest. In the back of my mind, I always have this fleeting thought that had she not cheated on DH and treated him like crap, he would still be with her. She also has a really nice voice. I guess I am insecure. I have a lot more going on for me than she does. But I can't get past the looks.
So last night SS9 was on the phone with her and put her on speaker. And DH and I were both in the kitchen, where SS was talking to her.
BM : Tell your dad that Jake died.
DH (in the background): Yea I knew that. I saw on Facebook
BM to SS: he was my puppy and your dad gave him away
I know I shouldn't get worked up over this, but it just feels like they are reminiscing and it bugs me. The way it made me feel was I was some intruder in their little family. It makes me really sad to realized the fact that I will never be able to trust DH 100% concerning BM.
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Comments
Your DH made you that way by
Your DH made you that way by going behind your back and sharing in those texts, no matter how long ago it was. I don't think you suffer from insecurity. I think you suffer from trust issues. How can you trust a man that did what he did? So don't take all of this on yourself. Your DH needs to man up and help you trust him again.
Triple agree. Insecurity
Triple agree. Insecurity usually has a basis in oneself, NOT due to the breaking of trust by another person.
Insecurity aside, those kinds
Insecurity aside, those kinds of conversations aren't great for SS either. His phone conversations are his visitation time, and should be one on one with the parent in question and private.
So whether or not you are insecure isn't really the issue here. It's freaking weird, and uncomfortable no matter how you look at it.
I've tried to tell SS to take
I've tried to tell SS to take the phone and talk in another room. But he won't stay in there. He wants to show BM his bike, the tv, something on the computer, his toys, etc. He's also usually playing with something and that's why he puts her on speaker.
Any chance of using a
Any chance of using a computer instead?
Harder to move those. }:)
All we have are 2 laptops
All we have are 2 laptops that we use. Unfortunately he knows how to move those around LOL.
All we have are 2 laptops
All we have are 2 laptops that we use. Unfortunately he knows how to move those around LOL.
Dude- He gave her dog
Dude- He gave her dog away???? Dump the a$$hole.
Huh?
Huh? :?
I told him back then that he
I told him back then that he would have to earn my trust back because I didn't trust him at all. He really has done a 360 and has not done anything of the sort anytime after that. We talked and talked about it to find out his reason behind it. All he could come up with was that we weren't talking and he was sad and confused and went to get an ego boost. I trust him with any other person but with BM it's just different and I hate the way it makes me feel.
To answer your question, no he doesn't hide his phone anymore. He knows I go on his phone randomly to check his messages.
So BM is using father-kid
So BM is using father-kid conversations to bring up her issues with the father? It won't be too long before the skid will start believing that dad is a no good creep who gives away people's beloved pets! :?