50-50 long distance?
So BM is again ramping up her campaign to have SS move in with us. She has always offered and then retracted it over and over for years. It is exhausting. Anyways she is saying SS14 is positive this is what he wants. Then she says SS is asking for it to be 50-50. Keeping in mind we live 9 hrs away from them. She wants to have him in school in her town for 6 months out of the year and 6 months at our house. She is completely out of her mind. She obviously doesn't care much about education or stability. Ss has changed schools about once every 2 years due to her decisions. BM and Dh seem to want to give SS14 the most say about who he wants to live with. And he just keeps flip flopping about where he wants to go.
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Not feasible
As someone who has worked in education in several states, going to school for part of the year in one place and part of the year in another place would not work. Further complicating this would be the fact that at his age, he is either in or approaching HS. HS course catalogues are so variable (even sometimes within the same school district) that he would never be able to graduate.
Your BM sounds like a peach!
That's what I thought too. He
That's what I thought too. He is going into high school this year. There's no way he can go to one school and another one half way through the year.
I agree with this poster. At
I agree with this poster. At 14 he *should be able to make the decision, but since he can't (or won't, my guess is he's feeling guilt) the adults will have to. Since BM is obviously as mature as a teenager she can't make the decision either. That leaves his father.
Do you/your husband want him full time? If so I can only imagine you would have a good chance to get full custody with the stupid schedule BM is proposing. If she is selfish, she may like all the extra free time. Only thing that could unhinge this is if BM would not only lose her CS, but have to start paying!
I imagine that BM is making
I imagine that BM is making this a difficult decision for SS.
If you don’t want him living
If you don’t want him living there do whatever it takes to prevent it.
I wish I wanted him to live
I wish I wanted him to live with us full time but it's so hard for me. Ss has a lot of bahavioral issues and he is a lot of work. Most of the issues stem from BM's non parenting and how she with held him from DH for the first 5 years of his life due to her now ex DH. Ss is ok in small doses which is how I like it. He and I get along fine but just way more supervising needed with him than a typical 14 year old. He has been expelled due to stealing from the school and other kids.
At Age 14
it will be almost impossible to reverse the damage BM has done. Unfortunately the courts don't want to see all of the GUBM damage done when the child is at an earlier age and can be salvaged.
Now SS is getting older and harder to handle and the BM doesn't want to deal with the monster she created. Sadly very typical ESPECIALLY when CP BM hasn't yet found "replacement daddy" ala StepDaddyBigBucks that she can use as a paper tiger.
For her to suggest 50/50 at 9 hours away is madness and just shows the depth of her instability. She wants a daddy disciplinary figure NOW to clean up after her non-parenting trainwreck karma. But just enough daddy influence as contained by 50/50 so she can still keep her CS. Hell to the no. She made her bed now she has to lie in it, but of course she will never consider herself as the root of the problem as most of the HCBM's don't and are told so by all the psychobabbleists and courts out there.
I would remind BM that should you get custody you will be reversing the CS charges...that alone MAY keep her from being so flip floppy. Only thing is most of these BM's know the court won't enforce CS on a mom but only on a dad.
The pattern is that Dad goes out of his way and spends lots of money to get custody of his child hoping to reform him/her from all the damage the BM has done but that never happens as said child goes running back to Mommykins probably about 95% of the time.
Seems a child has to be especially self-assured and savvy to see through the BM's bullshit which almost never happens.
I would wave the flag of getting CS from HER as I believe at 14 years old and from how you describe his mini-BM-me personality he is beyond reform. Too little too late.
Oh she has found multiple
Oh she has found multiple "stepdaddys" for SS but they don't stick around long. You are absolutely right in your analysis of the situation. I find it difficult when he's here visiting in the summers. Bm has her current SO spoil SS with every electronic device so when he comes he brings them all and brags about everything. He is a little know it all and can't stop touching everyone else's stuff. Drives me crazy.
Maybe
BM has finally found her step daddy big-bucks to stay! Which means she'll stop proposing the 50/50 crap or the 100% at your house crap
I know the feeling about the spoiling...in my case, StepDaddyBigBucks is funding all the latest electronic gizmos for Chef's remaining two brats.
As a teacher who has to deal
As a teacher who has to deal with children who struggle because there are so many different state requirments, standards and benchmarks for different states per grade, DO NOT LET THIS HAPPEN! The kid will fall behind grade wise, they will go into depression because of the back and forth of losing friends and the loss of a sense of community. You are completely right, she has lost her ever loving mind to ever think displacing a kid for months at a time is ever a good idea! No. Just no.
Why do you
Want to end your marriage? Having SS move in with you will not be good! If DH is consisting this 50/50 arrangement, you have other problems.
No DH is not on board with
No DH is not on board with this long distance 50-50 plan. As much as he wants SS to move in with us, he understands it might not be the best for all parties involved. Hopefully he stands by that
I would think the closest
I would think the closest thing to 50/50 you can have with long distance is the school year with one parent - thanksgiving break, christmas break, spring break and summer break with the other. That would be about 15 weeks of the year with the NCP and 37 with the other. Those are still frequent visits and scattered throughout the year so that there is still true parenting time and a relationship to be had. But you can't divide up a school year or spend partials of a year at one school to the next and swaping schools every year would be horrible for him!
Any ideas on how to stop SS
Any ideas on how to stop SS from moving here? Dh is just hoping I will change my mind. Bm is almost positive he will just stay with us at the end of his summer visit.
Ok…just a few questions….
. Wrong blog