Truly conflicted
I rarely post, but this is really eating my lunch, and I'm actually pretty conflicted here.
SD10 was born in 2003. When she was about 18 months old, BM2 ran off with her and hid out for about a year. DH finally found her, and got 50/50 custody pretty much immedietely. That lasted til 2008. In 2008, BM2 was involved in a DV charge, and had some warrants out for her arrest (had nothing to do with DH...this was her husband at the time, with whom she has 4 subsequent children). DH found out about the warrants, and didn't drop SD off at daycare the day BM2 was supposed to pick her up, but instead called the police and told them where she was supposed to be and when. BM2 went by the daycare earlier than scheduled and tried to pick SD up. When SD wasn't there, she realized the jig was up, and took her younger 4 children and fled for 2 years.
In summer of 2010, she contacted DH and asked to see SD. DH said "No, I have full legal and physical custody now, and the judge ordered you to appear before him to explain yourself prior to having any further contact with SD." She appeared before the judge, and had supervised visits for a while, followed by weekend visits 3 times a month at her home an hour away from us.
In October of 2012, she moved to Georgia on very short notice, and allegedly got married to a man in the military. I set SD up on Skype, and got her a cell phone. Initially SD and BM2 chatted every weekend. It's dropped off to about once a month, if that.
BM2 now has court ordered visitation during the summer for 8 weeks. In May, after school lets out, DH is supposed to send SD10, unaccompanied, on a plane, to Atlanta to see BM2. Here's my concern. We don't know where BM lives. We don't know her new husband's name. We don't know her new last name. She has refused to fill out the "unaccompanied minor guardian" paperwork to get SD on the plane (which would list her name as it appears on her ID and her husband's name, as well as their contact info). We don't know her physical address. We only know what town she says she lives in. I understand that if she refuses to return SD, it is a federal matter. DH has already spoken to local law enforcement about it. A state trooper told him that everything possible will be done to get SD back, but it's also a needle in a haystack, and a matter of finding her.
I know I sound like a jerk, but given her history of completely ignoring the court orders, doing what suits her and not what is good for SD...I really don't think it's a smart move for DH to send her down there. He is worried that if he DOESN'T send her down, she will hold him in contempt and the judge will reverse custody. I can't imagine that happening, but with these mommy-centric judges, you truly never know. I'd hate to lose custody of SD on a roll of the dice.
What say you stepmoms? Send SD and hope BM sends her back? Or don't send SD and deal with the judge when we go to court?
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If she is co to give that
If she is co to give that info then she will be in contempt not dh. So I would make sure it is noted through the police or courts that she failed to give info to let SD on the plane that way SD can't get on and it is bms fault.
Could DH get in a car and
Could DH get in a car and make the drive?
I'd be really hard pressed to put my child on a plane and hope for the best.
Maybe there is a way he can get an emergency ammendment from the court based on her declining to provide basic details?
Hells to the no I would not
Hells to the no I would not let her get on that plane. I agree that you should document document document everything to cover yourselves.
That's a great idea. I think
That's a great idea. I think I'll ask him to send a copy of the guardian form certified return reciept. If she doesn't fill it out, they will not accept her at the gate. I already called the 1-800 number and asked about it. They noted in the file that I called and asked. He'll have proof that he made several attempts via email, text, and regular mail to get her to fill out the form. If she doesn't....I guess we'll just have to see in court.
That's the loophole I would
That's the loophole I would use too.
My girls travel by plane 4 x a year to visit their dad (in Aus so possibly different "rules") but I have to supply the name, address, phone number and relationship of the person picking up the child when I put them ON the plane, no details not allowed to travel.
So, if she doesn't supply them they can't fly.
If it were my daughter, I
If it were my daughter, I would not send her!! I would be a nervous wreck that BM would take off with her. You hear about this way too often. She sounds like a loon!
That's a good point. Even if
That's a good point. Even if the judge ordered a reversal of custody, DH would just file a motion to have the case reviewed by a new judge, and contest the motion. We've considered hiring a private investigator to prove her unfit, but the judge sympathizes with her to the extent that he would probably just say we were simply out to get her, and that if we had resources for a PI, we shouldn't need CS. It's not that we NEED CS. It's that it's her responsibility to pay it and defer some of the expense of raising her child.
I wouldn't send her - given
I wouldn't send her - given her history at worst if DH is found in contempt I can't see him getting more then a slap on the wrist.
Send the paperwork certified to the last known add on file with the court with a note stating If she doesn't fill it out so SD can be supervised properly he will assume she is foregoing visitation.