You need a Superwoman t-shirt!! Honestly, I am reading your post and wondering how you possibly do it all.

I think your husband does contribute based on your comments, but it's not enough and there needs to be more to keep a healthy balance. He may need more coaching and more daily lists to get what you need out of him right now. You can't possibly keep up what you are doing or you will burn out eventually!

Have you two ever sat down & made a list of all the things you do in the home vs what he does? Our counselor had us do that. Then she had him pick 5 items from my list that HE chose to take over from now on. Afterwards she told me that if 'he' picked out the items that he would take over then it stands that he will do those things as he took over 'ownership' of them when we made our deal. & for the most part- its actually worked. If I saw he was totally lacking to do something- she suggested I jot it down on a sticky note & put on his side of the mirror so thaf he would see it with fresh eyes in the morning. The sticky note simply could say "trash" then an cutesy 'i love you' on it as well. So your kinda stroking his ego & also not reminding him verbally (men see it as nagging) & hes more likely to do it.

Just thought Id give you some suggestions I found thats helped us! Hope he starts helping you out more!! Its a partnership afterall!!

My Dh does nothing. He works. He works a lot. I work too and go to school full time asking him to do anything around the house ALWAYS starts a huge fight. I fucking hate it. I fucking hate step life. I'm in such a bad mood this morning.

no you are not unreasonable. our situation has always been the way it is, it was like this when we both worked full time in the same place, same shift. it was like this when fdh was out of work and i was still working. it was like this when i was/am pregnant. it was like this when i was sahm and he was working. it is like this now with us both working, but different shifts. it really doesn't matter, it never changes.

i do ALL housework. laundry, dishes, sweeping and mopping, dusting, scrubbing sinks and tub, cleaning toilet, ALL of it. he does nothing.

i am the one who took the steps to get our son help with his behavior and obvious delays.

i am the one who goes to all meetings with his teacher/school, fdh usually opts out. (really pisses me off that he doesn't care enough to, and if i force the issue, he acts like i'm forcing him to give up a body part).

i make and take bs to all dr/dentist appts. he doesn't even have the dr or dentist number in his phone.

i do all grocery and household shopping, which i'm sure is typical, but he can drive past numerous stores and gas stations knowing we are out of something and the truck needs gas, but he will just drive on home with nothing and make me have to leave early to get gas because he was too lazy to do it.

i remember 2 summers ago, (and this still pisses me off heavily) i asked him to start the lawnmower for me. my arm is not long enough to pull that cord with enough strength fast enough to get it started. all i wanted him to do was start it, i was going to mow. he was playing a computer game and bitched and complained about the whole fucking 2 minutes that i was pulling him away from it do something that was supposed to be HIS job.

he has slacked huge in yardwork over the past 2 years. our neighbor usually mows our lawn when he mows his own, cuz fdh is too busy on the computer like a teenager to get off his ass and do anything.

i am the one who insists on home repair. if it were left up to him, nothing would EVER be replaced. when the kitchen got remodeled, the cupboards that were taken out were made of some kind of cheap metal and were rusted and had huge holes in them. he thought that was fine. :jawdrop: he acts like wanting to live decent, not even high on the hog, is high maintenance. he hates to spend a dime on this house, but wants to buy a brand new computer for thousands of dollars every fucking 6 months. :?

when our brakes were going out, i am the one who insisted they be fixed properly and not just get brake pads to ease the noise for a couple of weeks. he was furious. i guess i'm horrible to want the vehicle that hauls my kids to be safe.

i am the one who takes the dogs to the vet. he can't be bothered, even though they are HIS dogs.

i'm sure i could go on endlessly. he does work 3rd shift, and that is inconvenient, but like i said, it's always been this way. 3rd shift, 1st shift, unemployed for 2 years, it doesn't matter. all he cares about is that damned computer and his stupid games. i am with a 40 year old teenager.

The ONLY thing my DH does is mow the lawn and take care of the pool in the summer. And his own laundry. Nothing else.

He works full time, but still. I "work" from home, cook all meals, raise our two very young sons, clean the house (not very well, but I try), pay all bills, do all the shopping, all laundry for the boys and myself, and take the kids to all their activities.

And DH complains about the mess the kids make, or how noisy they are.

I have very little patience for DH.

The boys adore him too. Go figure. He does play with them for a bit most evenings.

I am in a similar boat- although not exactly the same. I work full time. Dh is retired. I, too, thought it would be so awesome to have all this pesky house stuff done for me. Ha! I think these expectations are part of what got me in trouble. We had a difficult adjustment with division of labor to say the least.

My dh does have some legit issues- brain injury as well as some physical issues that make any sustained physical labor impossible. But the basic breakdown is that I still "run" everything. He does do almost all the cooking. It's one thing he's fairly consistent with. Other things he " helps" with. I can leave him a stack of bills and the checkbook with instructions on how much to pay and he usually pays them. If I tell him to call xyz he usually will. He will usually pick up around the house- maybe load the dishwasher. Sometimes on weekends while I'm there to supervise I can get him to vacuum or something like that. But on his own he'd never think to go scrub the toilets, dust the furniture or even do the laundry. If I ask him to do some laundry he usually will. I say usually because he does have bad days in which he does pretty much nothing.

He does the lawn work, repairs on the house although the lawn is with my sons help and the repairs are with a buddy's help.

I would get so pissed because I felt like surely he was capable enough to see the laundry piling up and would freaking know to wash it. I thought he just didn't want to. After much communication, arguments, and timepassi g I came to realize that this is just the way he is. In my case I'm not sure if its brain injury, just being a man, whether he's in physical pain, or he's lazy. Or a combo of all. But I've accepted it. I do way more than is probably " fair", but in the interest of peace and a loving relationship I just do it. There are lots of things he is awesome at, things he does better than me, things he will do if I just ask- I'm not willing to ruin my marriage because I did 8 loads of Landry this week and he only did 2.

If I find myself becoming overwhelmed with household tasks I simply let him know- hey this, this, and this needs to be done today and I'm really stressing- I need your help. He is pretty good about helping. There is a pieceof me that resents that I actually have to tell him- shouldnt he just know what needs o be done? But I try to let that go because he does do what I ask

My husband cooks, does the laundry, takes out the trash, and mows the lawn.

I do everything else. Bills, taxes, everything.

He will occasionally do some housework but not enough to really matter.

Let's just say, by the time I am done cleaning house, I am thoroughly pissed off at how little he cleans.

I hate to be on the man's side on anything, but most of the things on your list take very little time or effort all except for the homeschooling which I take it you choose to do. Check 401k's? I do that 4 times a year. It takes 5 seconds. Is it making money or losing money? If it's making money, I leave it alone. If it's losing money, I make a 10 minute phone call. Scheduling Dr's appointments? I do that while I'm driving.
It seems like you TELL your husband to do a lot of things, and you told him not to worry about working, so if it's not working out, why don't you TELL him to get a job? He could pay someone to clean your apartment, do your laundry including the sheets, and grocery shop for you.
And why are you planning vacations if you still live in an apartment?

I own a small business and my DH works there full-time with me. We SHARE household chores. I bring him coffee every morning in bed and in return he takes our dog out for his morning walk.

If I cook (rare), he cleans. If he cooks (most times), I clean.

I tend to do the laundry I've noticed but I wash/dry and fold and then place his stuff on a chair for HIM to put away. He does the hard labour stuff, the car maintenance and I do all the flowers and the outdoorsy stuff I like.

It really is about 50/50.

He can be messier than me but he tries really hard not to be. If he starts slipping up too much I'll take action. He can, for example. leave his shoes right in the foyer when he takes them off. He won't put them away in the closet.

I will then take them and throw them out on the patio on the 3rd floor. He knows where to find 'em if he goes looking.

Works like a charm. In fact, we laugh about it.

My DH does a bit but is ADHD and, of course, housework is not one of those things he gets hyperfocused on so it is lackadaisical at best.

I just keep up the best I can. I am happy that he does cook most of the time. Once we get a house, I am budgeting for a maid at least once a month or every other week.

I don't mind the housework as much as I mind him not finishing "projects" around the house. Or, if he does start on one, he will get tired of it midway through so it is left half-finished.