Not coping with belligerent adult SKids
I have 4 adult SSs who pretty much hate the fact that their father married me. I have been bullied by the younger 2 the worst and DH cannot begin to see my point of view. I have tried to talk to DH since I moved in with him but he either doesn't believe me or doesn't care. His kids never get disciplined and are not required to respect me all. The younger 2 SSs have ransacked my belongings, stolen my BS11's TV right out of his bedroom, kicked my BD21 out of our home and just last week I was told by the youngest SS to shut the f*** up. Finally fed up with the bulls***, I told DH that he is the authority in this house and it is up to him to demand respect for me or tell them to get out. All I got was a door slammed in my face. Once again I am hibernating in the bedroom for days, ignoring DH. It cripples my self esteem and I don't know how to stand up to them or him. Yes I resent DH and truly feel hatred toward the SSs. How does one cope?
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Comments
Why do you have to have
Why do you have to have anything to do with adult skids? They do not need parenting time.
I rarely see mine - except for this weekend and I want to scream. He keeps telling me how wonderful I am (compared to him yes I am) but his white trash ass can be gone for another year as far as I am concerned.
Honestly I don't make any effort to see my adult skids. I didn't spend my time up my parent's ass when I was a young adult.
Because they are my husband's
Because they are my husband's children. The youngest still lives at home, which is another subject entirely. He graduated college last May and landed a job making nearly double what I make. He is not required to contribute financially for food or expenses but i believe that will change in the spring. The other skids still have bedrooms in this house as well which my DH does not see any problem with. The middle 2 adult skids live elsewhere but are permitted by their father to come and go as they please; without notice to me, they could drop in for a few minutes or a few days with or without their SO's as does the youngest skid.
I am beginning to wonder if I
I am beginning to wonder if I should have / could have called the police and asked to have the youngest skid removed. Although he does reside with us for now, I am wondering if / when that would be appropriate. Hmmm...
My 11 yr old is the only one
My 11 yr old is the only one of my children that lives with me and DH. One of my older daughters stayed with me for about a year because she was going through a nasty break up among other things and needed support. She was thrown out last summer by my youngest skid. Lots of drama.
Yes and yes and you are so
Yes and yes and you are so right about DH. I think you've said it best and I do want to chat with him. Would like to get my thoughts together and try to measure my words. Thanks for letting me vent... And then some!
I dont even understand how
I dont even understand how his son can throw your daughter out of the house? If you and dh are a married couple-the house it yours and his. Only the two of you can decide who lives there and who doesnt. Why is a grown man still living there-especially when he has a good income?
Please find your voice. I know I've put up with some bs in the past with my situation and I'll tell you-keeping silent never did any good. When I started finding my voice is when the changes got made. Ultimately the change was that my ss is not in my home any longer. If my dh would have chosen to leave over me protecting my self/sanity and my children then I would have felt very sad, but ultimately I would have known that he wasnt for me if he didnt care about my wellbeing.
I dont understand either. All
I dont understand either. All good questions that need consideration. It's been rough and I am listening to my very small voice which is beginning to whisper "better to be alone than with the wrong one".
"..chat with him..."
"..chat with him..." Seriously!
Well we had words. But I
Well we had words. But I wouldn't call it talking. DH asked me why I wasn't hanging out with him and I said cause I don't want to be near your son. So what do I want him to do he asks? I repeated that he must demand respect for me from the skid or tell the skid to move out. So he says he did that. I don't believe him. He said he did talk with the skid and both of us were wrong; meaning the skid and me. I can't believe what I'm hearing. I explained that if the skid is ever that disrespectful and belligerent again I will call the police and have the skid removed. His final answer was more grumbling then more door slamming. Just another day I the life.
I feel DH would definitely
I feel DH would definitely choose his kids over me. But I have to admit that I am feeling the same. Not afraid to loose him, been there done that before. Being alone sounds good right now but the grass is not always greener. Been there too. My BS20 doesn't like to visit here. Says he would go off. Younger BD22 and I have come to terms since that drama last summer and OBD27 just says they all want me to be happy. My kids are not angels. They have real issues as well but they do not outright disrespect DH because I raised them to be mindful of the man who puts a roof over my head and food in my stomach. All I want is the same in return. I don't care if the skids like me or not. No one deserves this treatment, you are right! If I knew how to stop it or even get a handle on it I would but I don't. How did you? Offer ultimatums? Threaten to leave? Beat them? What? I can be a cast iron b*tch if I have to but the fact remains that these are Adult SSs (ASSs in my mind) and there should be an adult way to handle the situation? But it's too late?