I am leaving now... very sad and this is not what I wanted
I dont have the energy to rewrite this whole dramatic scenario right now. if you would like to read my last post about the meeting go ahead. i am so sad. i feel so lost. After everything that i tried to do to save this relationship, my fdh told me to my face his thinks i am making a bigger deal out of all of this that is necessarry. i told him if he thinks im creating this in my head then i am leaving. he said i am an adult and can do as i please. today we both talked and both agreed that we need space. he wanted a "break" while i go back to my country and i said if i leave it is over and thats that. he told me thats my decision but he wants me to leave. i am so embarrassed and sad and i cant believe he is putting all the blame on me. and to top it off he told me please dont screw him over on his visa papers, if i want to cancel then cancel but dont screw him over. i said i will not promise anything. i just tried talking to him again and was going to give him the option of either a) i leave now and we break up or b) i leave in 2 weeks and we work on it then take a break, but he tried to tell me I WAS MANIPULATING HIM!!!!!! which is exactly what i TOLD HIM his BM is doing to him and he denied. im waiting for my mom to give me the money for my ticket home and am soooooooooooooo sad right now i could die...... 
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I am sorry to hear that.
I am sorry to hear that. Breakups are always sad.
But I think you made the right decision. Your BF did not support you, knowing you were on your own in a different country.
And he certainly did not act like a grown man allowing the BM and his mother to rule. The only one he seemed to complain about was you. And blamed his own lack of action on you or on cultural differences.
I'm sorry you had to go through that.
I wish you the best of luck.
Hope you find your happiness within yourself and maybe someday with a real man, not a little boy.
*HUGS*
It hurts now but you WILL
It hurts now but you WILL look back and realize that you deserve so much better than this little boy you were with.
he told me please dont screw
he told me please dont screw him over on his visa papers, if i want to cancel then cancel but dont screw him over
I'm not trying to be a brat, but I think this is the only thing that is important to this man right now, not your feelings, not your concerns, he is only concerned about himself. SCREW HIM, please do! Hold your head high while you're doing it and remember that YOU deserve better.. much better!
{{{hugs}}}
I'm not really sure what he
I'm not really sure what he means by that?
Does he mean he wants OP to marry him so he gets a green card?!!
Yes it is my undestanding
Yes it is my undestanding according to previous blogs that she was this man's ticket to the US and a green card
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^:jawdrop:
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^:jawdrop: ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
I'd say Screw Him!
I've changed my last post
I've changed my last post about taking the high road because I didn't understand you were an American and he wasn't, and it is all to his benefit to marry you. If marrying an American citizen (you) will give this douchebag (a non-citizen) a ticket to the USA and a green card, please don't allow it. Make sure his visa is denied with extreme predjudice. Tell them you think he was trying to use you. We hate that shit. We have enough jackazzes in this country as it is, we don't need any more, thank you. Let him find someone else to use to get a green card. Maybe his mommy can fix him up with somebody....
Or maybe mommy's boy needs to stay in Brazil with his ghetto trash ex-family.
"If marrying an American
"If marrying an American citizen (you) will give this douchebag (a non-citizen) a ticket to the USA and a green card, please don't allow it. "
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Agreed! We have more D-bags here than we can deal with already. Don't enable another one!
He's used you long enough. You do NOT owe him anything...muchless a free-pass.
Cancel immediately. You owe
Cancel immediately. You owe him LESS than nothing.
thanks for siding with me on
thanks for siding with me on this, i felt it COMPLETELY out of place that he brought it up in the midst of our breakup. WHAT does that have to do with anything?????
If he doesn't need you or
If he doesn't need you or your help (or your silence not to ruin it for him), then why would he say that? He'll find another angle (or another woman) if that was his goal. Anyway, he is no longer your problem. I'd let the appropriate authorities know we are split and then go on my merry way.
Screw him. Tell his mother to
Screw him. Tell his mother to go get him a visa. He hasn't done you any favors.
Just be thankful you learned all the dynamics, and his true self before you uprooted again to bring him here with you. Then you would have felt more obligated to him.
I think there are many ways to get a visa, not just marriage. And I thought I read somewhere he was having a hard time leaving his family? Well, now he doesn't.
Maybe he planned to marry the
Maybe he planned to marry the Gringa, then bring mommy, kid and bm to the USA. What a cozy set-up it would have been. He could have held on until he was naturalized, then dumped Gringa if needed and (had his cake and ate it too). I don't read minds, but if that isn't what he intended, he caused suspicion by making that remark.
FUCK FUCK FUCK his fucking
FUCK FUCK FUCK his fucking Visa craving ass.
Do not let him use you for one more minute.
FUCK FUCK FUCK his fucking
FUCK FUCK FUCK his fucking Visa craving ass.
Do not let him use you for one more minute.
I am non stop crying and all
I am non stop crying and all of your posts help ease the pain. im sorry for causing problems im sorry for letting my heart run the show. fdh obviously doesnt care and i am in awe at the amount of people who care. i needed that. i really did.
I think if a couple gets
I think if a couple gets caught pretending they are married to get someone their greencard, then the citizen gets punished severely and the immigrant gets tossed without a future chance of getting back in. It's serious. People pay citizens to "pretend marry" them to get a green card/citizenship, then breakup later. It's a scam and ICE pays attention to it.
When my DD married a guy from another country, ICE checked up on them to make sure they were living together regularly (for years) and then wanted pictures of them together (i.e. vacations, parties, etc.) to prove they were really a couple as well as notarized statements from her family to confirm they had a real marriage. It took years for him to be eligible to get naturalized. And through him we know of others from his home country that did get here the pay-n-go way. Some just come here illegally and find a local person to marry and get it that way, eventually.
Think clearly, don't let yourself get sucked in to that kind of a scam, this guy isn't worth jail or a big fine. There are plenty of guys here that don't have such baggage, you just need to give yourself time to look.
Tell the visa people you are broke up, don't let anyone con you or lovey-dovey you into helping him. He must find his own way in this world, as you must and you must go on without him (and his mommy, kid and especially without bm).
UPDATE here!! Thanks again
UPDATE here!!
Thanks again sooo much for all of your support and messages really it has meant so much to me and since I am here alone even more so!! Really from the bottom of my heart thank you! So, I bought the ticket, the whole day completely ignored his mom and him then told him everything I thought about what he has done to me in this situation. When he realized I actually did buy the ticket and I wasnt bluffing he completely made a 180 and told me he didnt want to lose me, to please try to work things out. I told him there is no way to fix all of this mess in a couple days. He said he will pay for me to change the ticket to stay longer so we can work on all of these issues.....He was really extra nice to me the past couple days and I still havent given him an answer either way...
The one thing that I am totally decided on is that if I leave in a few days like my ticket is set for, I will wash my hands of him and there is no salvaging the relationship. If I let him sweet talk me into staying for another month(which was our original plan from the begining) then I will observe his behavior from now until then and then make my final decision at a later date. I am honestly leaning towards letting him change the ticket and staying one more month, because I feel at least that way I am not making any irrational decisions, I will get to see if he is really going to do the things needed to make this work. If he doesnt then I am leaving anyways and I will not wait for him. I feel like if I leave angry and sad then its just worse for everyone involved.
In terms of his visa to clarify, yes we met in a totally different country while both working there, fell in love. When my work contract finished I then followed him to his resident country(not brazil) and we both worked there for about 8 months. He proposed to me there, and we came to brazil so he could spend time with his family(stupid BM came back here with SD5 after her latest relationship ended in another country). We then decided to apply for the fiance visa so we could move to usa and get married there.
So yea, this is my life.... :?
Well he had actually wanted
Well he had actually wanted to go back to the original country we met in, but I am ready to go home now. However a few months ago when I still wanted to travel around he was fine with it, he didnt push the usa visa thing. I have made it clear to him I will not stay here and I never want to come back here to live EVER, so I cant really test him by saying to stay here he knows its probably my least favorite place Ive been and Ive been to a lot of countries!
It is fishy and I agree with that. He has left his child numerous times both while he was still with BM and after he broke up with her to go work in other countries. Actually back in the beginning of the relationship when I naively thought I might be friends with BM I actually suggested that he stay close to his kid. If we move to the US then he wants the kid to visit during every summer vacation....