BM...you have got to be kidding!!
So I have complained about SS13 not doing his homework and lying about lots of things. I know we need to get him whipped into shape and we are trying. BM gets him every other weekend as she lives out of state. She made the decision to leave and had actually never even met me. Who does that?? Anyway, she is very controlling and wants my DH to do everything she says when it comes to their son. He does for the most part give into her because he says it is easier than dealing with her mental games. I don't know because I wasn't married to her so I try to let DH handle her even though I am the one who is basically raising her son!
She sends DH an email yesterday saying now that school is starting she would like us to purchase a computer, webcam and skype service so that she can do homework with SS13. She wants to be able to see him dump out his backpack, look at his homework and read his body language. She also requests that we email her all of his assignments once completed so that she can proofread them. WTF? I have no problem with her being more involved in his life but maybe she should consider moving back here so she can be a parent. Of course her idea is to control the kid in every way possible! I know he needs some guidance but I believe that he needs to learn to do things for himself. He needs to learn responsibilty and know that there will be consequences for his actions! I have seen her "proofread" his papers, she basically rewrites them! What does that teach him?
It's no wonder that the kid can't do for himself!
I told my DH that this is it! We need to do something about this situation. We need to take a stand for SS. I would much rather us have full custody so that he can grow and learn how to do for himself! she has been out of the picture for the last month and it has been great! I have even begun to get to know SS a little more and actually like him!
DH has not responded to BM nor did he have much to say to me about it so I guess we will wait and see!!
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Comments
I dont think BM should be
I dont think BM should be doing this. Its just another thing she wants to control. They have phones they can talk and text or even email but video so she can read his body language? Ugh..no way!
I do agree she can purchase her son a computer and anything else that is needed.
She is a control freak and is
She is a control freak and is setting you and your DH up to be at her beck and call.
My answer would be ..... Ummmmmm ..... NO! WTF is she thinking. :?
My answer would be NO to all of the above requests. This would be so distracting to the kid that he would not get anything done IMHO.
A 5min Skype call right before bed is one thing but this is rediculouse.
She moved out of state so I don't think you would have much problem getting physical custody. She may keep joint legal but by default she likely just abdicated physical custody to your DH. Take it to court ASAP and make it official.
IMHO of course.
Best regards,
Actually, judges are leaning
Actually, judges are leaning more and more towards requiring virtual visitation when one parent lives out of the area, so if this all goes to court, she may not get custody, but dad may be ordered to provide virtual visitation. I even know of a woman who has to take her child to the library in order to communicate with dad via video chat.
Well since ss is having
Well since ss is having trouble turning in assignments tell him what his mom wants to do. You really think a 13 year old boy wants his mom looking over his shoulder as he does his work...literally? Tell him that his mom has a point and that if he doesn't keep up with his work better then you guys will have no choice but to do what she says and set up skype so his mom can do his homework with him every night. (can you imagine what he thinks about it! Bet it'll get him to do his homework!) Meanwhile tell bm that if she helps pay for the computer, service or whatever then you will set up video chats. Or tell her that you guys will consider it later if ss continues having trouble turning in his assignments. But I agree with everyone else- if she wants it she should pay for it all.
Hell no!!! She should move
Hell no!!! She should move back. She can't have it both ways. Your DH needs to grow a pair on this and set some ground rules. She left. Deal with it. You guys can handle the homework. Stay on top of it.
One thing I would suggest is if your School system has it. we have Infinte campus. It allows all parties to see the grades, assignments, everything. It is awesome. Get that access if you have it. If not, just cc her on every communication with the teachers.
Set boundaries now or the teen years will be hell.
thank you all so much for
thank you all so much for your support!! Last night was a very long night dealing with BM. She hasn't given up yet! I told my DH that I am completely against this and that I will not enforce this. She sent texts all night long...this is the only way there is any communication! LOL She says she has the right to parent however she wants and that DH cant keep SS from her. Not sure why she thinks this! She went off about us not keeping on top of SS grades etc and my DH (I'm so proud of) told her that SS had major live changing events, his mother left him and he had to change schools in middle of year! The only come back she had was he didn't have to change schools! So not true!! We live in another school district and there was no way to get him to/fr school. Her parents live here but they have not called one time to see their grandson! She also says that maybe SS should live with them! Her head is so far up her butt she can't see straight!
The fight is far from over and I don't know what DH is leaning towards. I'm afraid he may give in because she doesnt stop! I am actually pushing for us to get full custody at this point! Who would have thought that!! Ha!!
She is harrassing you, DH and
She is harrassing you, DH and SS in your home. No judge on the planet will grant this request.
Tell her to suck wind and quit responding to her texts about this topic.
Whatever you do do not allow your DH to agree to this crap. It is nearly impossible to be successful on this request and your family does not want to be burdended with this crap.
Absolutely you should have full custody. Do it now before BM files before your DH does. A good offense is better than playing defence in family court.
IMHO of course.
You need to stay on top of
You need to stay on top of the school work. As long as you are the grades will be fine. If they drop than she has the right to give her opinions on how to correct. Opinions but, not control. Good luck and I would start thinking about sole custody.
What does the SS think of the
What does the SS think of the idea?? If he's ok with it she should buy the computer...sounds crazy to me though
I agree. What does the kid
I agree. What does the kid think? Leave it up to him or does he not have a say? Let him tell his mom how he feels if he's against it. He'll prob be the best one to convince bm not to do it. I don't disagree with video conferencing. I just don't think your dh has to pay for it. Of course I also think it is ridiculous to want to watch him to homework...