I have been trying very hard not to log in because it keeps me from getting work done. Pretty proud of my willpower on this. But since this site is also my blog, I'm checking in. Looking back through it and seeing the evolution in my house has been interesting for me.

Anyway...

I have had it up to here(hand held way up high) with hearing the words 'child support' come out of SO's mouth. It's like every moment, both waking and dreaming, are consumed with child support. Every dollar earned and every penny spent leads to a mention of child support, or how it relates to child support, or how he won't have child support made this week, or how he will have child support made this week, or how he can't do this because of child support, or he has to do that because of child support, child support, child support, child support. I don't hate that it exists as much as I hate that his life revolves around it. He doesn't stress like this about any other bills. Of course, he can't go to jail if any other bills aren't paid, but still.......... Get the fuck over it, SO!!!!!!

He also lets BM call him and bitch about not having money and/or needing child support earlier in the month. He pays it to the state. On time. This is between her and the state. A budgeting issue for her. Not. His. Problem. Or at least it shouldn't be, but because he is an idiot, he lets it be his problem. And I am an idiot for letting that get to me.

To be clear, I'm not bitching about the actual child support, even though it is currently way more than half of what he makes and one of the kids even lives with us 100% of the time. I'm bitching that it consumes our lives.

Ugh!! My hackles are so far up today!

And while I'm at it documenting things... SD8 has colored MORE on the walls. Yep. SO seems to have thrown his hands up in the air, which is different than having his head in the sand, and not care about her. He's not liking her that much, but fails to see what part he and BM had in creating how she acts. I think he also sees her as the walking embodiment of child support. So he hasn't been kissing her ass for the last month or two and has been treating her like a normal kid. Not badly, but not catering to her in a ridiculous way. Now she doesn't want to be here anymore. And then he's pissed she doesn't want to be here. And then she probably doesn't want to be here even more. Poor kid (I can't believe I just said that!) doesn't realize he is pissed at the world right now. Guess I'll have to talk to him about treating her a little more nicely. (I'll probably come back and read this some day and crack the hell up).

Christmas is just days away and there seems to be no sign of SO getting gifts for his kids. Well, for SS16 we came up with the idea of a key chain because he is about to get his drivers license and a resulting shitload of money spent on him in the next few months, and SS knows it and is grateful. And I got him a few little things. I got SD a few little things, but I'm guessing I'll cave and go out and get something else from SO for her. I don't have time to read the whole Step Talk today, but I'm guessing I'm not the only one, although I'm guessing the majority here are not. I can totally see why, and it's what I feel like doing, but I'm sure I'll swoop in and be the hero because I'm just sick that way.

I'm sick in a lot of ways, especially for what I put up with.