I knew when I was embroiled in step-crap/toxic BM crap years ago that it was all a distraction. I knew that BM wanted it all to be a distraction (negative attention is better than no attention, right?). When she realized she could not control our lives, her behavior seemed to evolve into trying to make sure she disrupted our lives and "punished" us enough that she would be a major focus. The skids followed suit. . . her little army marching in lockstep. 

Several years ago, we felt like there was a dark cloud hovering over our lives--bad skid and (primarily) bad BM behavior. We never knew when, as DH used to call it, we'd "get nuked" again. It kept us off balance. Our marriage almost ended. Marriage counseling gave us tools to deal with it all, but it took years to sharpen those tools. 

I knew intuitively what was going on. I knew that being involved in conflict, bad feelings, and BS was pulling me away from, as we say, living my best life. I slowly ripped off the bandaid. . . first totally disengaged from BM and blocked all contact from her. Then I disengaged from SD for several years, but got sucked back in via manipulation and lies. SS and I were good for a period of years, but he got worse as he got older. I kept giving them chances, hoping for the best, and began to feel like a punching bag. 

Nearly 2 years ago I made some decisions: I finally cut the last cord with the skids (social media engagement that was still "keeping" them in my life) and I decided that I would not go see them and they would never walk into this house again (DH is onboard; he gets it). Around the same time, I decided to take a leap of faith and left a job where I loved the work but hated the toxic atmosphere. I began doing consulting work and also came upon a part-time job that I completely love (it seemed to fall in my lap). I had become a bit of slacker about exercise, and I got back to the gym.  

Since fully deciding (and acting) that I AM DONE with toxicity and BS--leaving the wishy-washy world of, "Well, he [SS] might come around" or, "I can be nice and send a baby gift for SD's shower" (only to be crapped on), even disengaging from a very unhealthy sibling of mine--it's as if I made room for the good stuff. I had to disengage from giving a S about what people thought of me or said about me. I probably have a different air about me (untangled), and I've been meeting some wonderful people. I've had some really interesting successes at work and have been much more engaged in our community. Some personal projects of mine have taken off.  A niece of mine--the daughter of the unhealthy sibling--recently reconnected with me. . . she had moved across the country and has been disconnected from the family for a long time; our conversation was long and so so nice. And, as I posted about in the general forum, a "long-lost" super nice nephew of DH's (and his family) just recently re-entered our lives. 

I don't think any of this is a "mistake" or coincidence. Untangling ourselves from being mired in toxicity and drama makes room for the good stuff to enter. We probably stop carrying around a dark weight that others can sense or see. I honestly believe that toxic people WANT to dim our light so that they are not mulling around in the dark by themselves. All of us deserve to be who we truly are without a bunch of crap raining down on us. It's been a really long road--some of it so ugly, so many cuss words, and tears--and I am so grateful that I was able to make the turn and head down that different path. So, that's the hopium pipe to smoke! We can do it!