BM pushes buttons

Things have been going really good. SD showed her true colors and SO finally decided to leave me alone about not wanting to do anything with or for his kids. I have let him go thru football season going to partial football games on Friday nights (because SS is JV and doesn't really play) and going to all Saturday morning games without causing a fuss because I wasn't even asked to go.

This has meant I have taken on more of a load at the house. At the end of travel baseball and beginning of football BM and SO agreed that there would be no basketball. SS would concentrate on starting baseball again. I figured fine there would be somewhat of a break.

Well BM went behind SO back and signed SS for some Rec basketball team. It is three months of one practice a week at night and then Saturday games. I guess SS was upset because he isn't going to be on the varsity baseball team and only on the JV team so BM is trying to make him happy. Maybe you didn't make varsity because you don't concentrate enough on the sport.

SO isn't happy about it and of course I am not either. It is going to overlap with baseball practices. SO will feel obligated to attend the basketball games and I already know how obligated he feels to run him to the baseball stuff. SO did tell BM he wasn't happy with it but what can he do. Not go to the games? His kids are already pretty much non existent in all other aspects. This is all he has left. If he doesn't go SS will like him even less because BM will tell him your dad isn't there for you. But now I am left for three more months of Saturdays that I should have had. I wouldn't be so upset except that it is overlapping with all of the running SO will do for baseball. I don't know what i am looking for I am just venting.

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I guess what I have found a

I guess what I have found a relief from is that he hasn't asked me to do one thing with or for the kids since senior night with the SD and how he was treated.He is actually seeing the kids for what they are. My SO even said he has a feeling that the relationship with SS will end the same way it is with SD he still wants to hang on as long as he can. I knew that with baseball my SO would be doing most of the leg work and was prepared for that. What I wasn't prepared for is 3 months of Saturday games. I mean SO can just not go but then he would feel bad. But I am going to take your advise and not do all the work. While he is at the games for those two plus hours I am going to either sit on my butt or do something for myself. If he is letting those jerks take away from his duties with me and our home then you are right he can do his share of them when he is done. I just don't know how much hurt one man can take from his kids before he stops. At least he has let me stop. I am hoping BM figures out how to manage to let SS drive himself to all of these practices.He will be able to in January . SO will really see he was just a ride. BM figured out how to let SD drive , I call it gasoline ass, so SS will want the same and those kids get everything they want.

Something that

has frequently occurred to me is that your SO also expects to get everything he wants, the fact that he isn't demanding that you attend Saturday morning rec sport basketball games notwithstanding.

Think about it. He has expected you to not just accept his infatuation with his kids but also has demanded that you do likewise - and he has thrown temper tantrums when you refuse.

I'm thinking the apple doesn't far from the tree.

And remember it’s only a few years more

Of High School sports. DH can't take every Saturday to go to his kids sporting events. He has other duty's at home

"This is all he has left."

I disagree. He still has you ... but for how long?

I personally think your DH

I personally think your DH should decline all unilateral decisions BM makes that impact resources in your household

some of these BMs are using their kids to have their ex (your DH) resources of time and money tied up as a way to turn it into a kid centric operation

However if he agrees then like others mentioned .... do what YOU want to do those days

He didn't agree to it but it

He didn't agree to it but it is done. How would I go about telling him that he can't go see his kid play. I am thinking soon the kids will be no contact .

I concur.

Can't tell them what to do with their kids. Only thing you can do is control yourself.

Spruce up, go out alone or with a woman who has an ambiguous name so that he thinks another man could steal you from him while he's out chasing validation from his spawns

This reeks of massive BM game

This reeks of massive BM game playing and ridiculousness. It's a power play. SO should find a happy medium. BM is going to badmouth him (and skid will go no contact, you believe), anyway. But if you're going to ride it out, I agree with the idea of you doing something good/fun for yourself vs taking on more housework.

Eye roll to these sports

When did it become normal for these kids to play any and all damn sports?! What happened to doing maybe 2 sports and becoming really good at those 2 sports.... When did it become normal for kids to be doing cross country, soccer, football, basketball, baseball and track and field. Like wtf. How do these kids think they are going to be good at all these sports when they don't practice an individual sports long enough to become good at them?

I'm glad you've gotten out of the participating in taking to all practices and games and such. I wish I was able to bail on that more without the guilt trip. On one hand having some Saturdays all to yourself will be beneficial but can make you feel that your life with your SO isn't free for you and him to make plans.

It has taken a lot for me to

It has taken a lot for me to get the to point where he has stopped pretty much forcing me to go. I am just disappointed that I had to do Saturday mornings alone all through football season. There was supposed to be a break and now there won't be. It will also be overlapping with tons of baseball practices and it will keep my SO away more then I want. Yes I am selfish but I know life is too short to be wasted on things that are not important. I am not saying kids are not important but his kids don't even like him. I hate how SS plays so many sports it is unbelievable to me. I can't believe that this seems normal to so many people. Kids should not rule lives.

Yes I do know. But things

Yes I do know. But things have been a lot better. I do zero for the kids and I am not asked or expected too anymore. I do always appreciate your opinions.

I can see that he understands

I can see that he understands now how his kids are. Even though he won't give up trying he has let me back out of it. I will now hold my boundaries. I am clear on what I will and won't do. I know there are some things I will have to do to be there for my SO. Like sports banquets where it would be rude of me to let him sit alone. Plus it is a meal and the SS isn't around us at all. And I do have to add SO held his ground with BM on this. She had text him to see if he got the tickets to the football banquet and he said no we went last year and it is your turn. Those are the times that I am proud of him. And he did call her out for signing up for basketball behind his back. I just know he will show up for the games if he can. He is trying but he is in a shitty situation. Yes he contributed to making it shitty and now it is so far in it it is hard to get out. Unfortunately all I can do is wait until SS goes no contact. Yes it is terrible of me to think like that , but does anyone want awful people in their lives. . His travel baseball team is also on edge of not having enough player for a team. That would be wonderful if last minute they didn't have one and he couldn't get on another one this late. Of course my luck isn't that good.

If memory serves

this is the same team he wasn't good enough to bat for last year but would be allowed to occasionally pitch for? And now they can't get enough players to field a team.

Talk about irony. Travel teams really are a racket. All that time and money spent to indulge so many parents' crazy dreams of their kid getting a baseball scholarship.

Yep. It is the same team.

Yep. It is the same team. Alot of the better players quit. There are only 9 and one is on the fence about leaving. If they find enough it looks like SS would probably get to play. But it more then likely won't be a winning team so it won't be good enough for him. SS said he doesn't want to be in the team the following year. He only has two years left anyway.

I wanted to add this and I am

I wanted to add this and I am sure it will make me sound mean and petty. But SO travels for work and I have no problem picking up the slack for that. But I have such a hard time doing it when he is out running SS around.

You’re too

hard on yourself. It sounds completely normal. One is a requirement, the other is choice.

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