Continuing to try
This is probably more of a vent because I just need to say it and I probably have put this type of post on here before and I am sorry if I repeat. .I just really want to understand why he keeps at it with SKs. SD has been having SO do her taxes and she kept pushing it off. She finally said she had BM do it. This is something SO looks forward doing with her. He told her that it he was disappointed because it was time he could spend with her. Of course then he starts bothering her about seeing him. She finally said she could do breakfast. He of course pleads with me to go. After breakfast SO says that it was horrible. I asked why he thought so. He said she didn't hold a conversation all we did was bombard her with questions. He said that is why he likes me to go because it is too akward for him. I even saw a lady at the next table staring and it was probably because she thought we didn't even know our own daughter. Well we don't. But he just insists and insists that he has to force them to see him so that one day they will look back and see he tried.
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Ah, an old toxic step-family
Ah, an old toxic step-family classic.
"He said that is why he likes me to go because it is too akward for him." You have been pushed into the undesirable role of The Buffer. Not quite as bad as The Scapegoat, but bad in its own right. These guys are terrified of the brats they and their exes created, so having a well-meaning (or formerly well-meaning but now fed up) person there to share the emotional burden of hanging out with said brats makes it easier for the Daddy. Because, after all, that's what we are here for.
Dual roles
Some of us get to be Buffer AND Scapegoat. Lol.
Let the teeth pulling begin!
My SKid has had no teeth for a very long time for this very reason. Only once we get him rolling he is pleasant, engaging, and we all three enjoy interfacing. It is breaking the seal that requires dental extraction tools.
What I do not understand is the self flagellation that so many prior failed family breeder mates insist on putting themselves through when they know full well that the spawn have no interest in being respectful, pleasant, or engaging.
I find that the more I/we push to engage, the amplitude of ignoring increases. When I get to my threshold of dial finger arthritis and just stop.... one of our phones will ring after a while.
Of course, I make the effort even though I know there will be no answer until I just move on.
I think it is an adult/parent thing. Sadly, many kids never reach viable adulthood.
I would have a problem
With the X doing my SO taxes. ''' To close for supposed divorce people.''' The X doesn't have to know what's going on in your life. To me that's unhealthy
SO does SD taxes not BM taxes
SO does SD taxes not BM taxes. BM knows it is something that he likes to do with SD because he gets so little time with her. But BM did them instead. SD kept blowing off SO and finally said that BM did them.
This is sad. I wonder if he
This is sad. I wonder if he will eventually tire of it.
I think he feels that one day
I think he feels that one day they will eventually see that he tried and he doesn't want to give up. But he just is disappointed every time.
Insanity is... repeating behaviors expecting different results.
Sadly, his focus on the feels is his downfall in all of this.
Better to focus on living his best life in spite of his X and their noxious spawn. When he is doing that, they will come sniffing back around.
IMHO of course.
Beating a dead horse (or kitty?)
Rocky, your partner has given his daughter and son so much power (aided and abetted by their BM), that the pattern of his begging and their exploitation has been long established. The only way to conceivably transform that aberrant relationship to something close to normality is to have dad back off, completely, from both toadying to his children and kowtowing to his ex-wife.
Your partner’s situation reminds me of the connection between cats and humans. Felines who are pursued by admiring cat-lovers are inclined to flick up their tails and stalk off in disgust whereas those persons who ignore the animal will generally be rewarded with a purring kitty on their laps.
The only way that dad can regain any respect from his kitties is to snub them completely; no pleading phone calls, no offers of rides (he’s busy, mom can cart her son to his games!), no suggestions of get-togethers that, to date, they have despised and refused.
Will he agree? Well, if the best indicator of future performance is past performance, chances are slim to none. Hon, unless you’re able to drag your guy to a therapist skilled in stepfamily dynamics, there is little chance of his seeing the light.
/
They definitely know they
They definitely know they have power over him. But he just can't stop. He is now back and forth with going or not going to SS baseball games. SS is only pitching , yet again, and it is with the high school team. SO tries to find out when he is actually playing so that he doesn't go and waste time. Plus it is like the first 2 and a half innings of one game a week he pitches and then rides the bench. For some reason these games are lasting over three hours. What is happening is BM is asking SO if he is going and the asking him to bring SS home or pick him up from the bus and bring him home. SO does not want to do it but won't tell BM no because she will tell SS. He has missed a few games because 1st he only wants to go if SS is playing and 2nd he doesn't want to wait around for all that time. He needs to grow a set and say no I am not driving him home. And of course home is not with us anymore it is dropping him off at BMs.