New account, same issues

So I created a new account because I realized my user name was too obvious lol. So if you guys remember me I'm the one with the PAS BM, SD who is 14 that has been not coming when it's DH weekends to have her. Also BM moved about 3 hours away and now "can't see at night " and a lot of times she has many excuses for not being about to meet DH for his weekends . Well last night BM sends DH a texted saying "I REALLY need to talk to you about SD" DH calls her and appearantly SD 14 expressed to BM that she was "sad" and supposedly the reason is because she misses her Dad... oh give me a break! SD usually starts to feel "SD" around the holidays or when DH is not completely on her butt. BM asked DH "are you not keeping contact with her " and basically putting it on him! I'm like wait a minute why is she even calling you about it when BM and SD both are the ones who do not make a effort to come on your weekend AND SD a lot of times does not even reply to DH text or phone calls! He was texting daily but since she stopped replying he would only text maybe 3 times a week. Also BM needs to take a look at herself and instead of asking DH if he is doing her part she needs to realized SHE is not doin HER part ! DH told BM about SD not replying to his text but he said she was gonna step it up more I guess and I'm like why? To me it feels like this is a game, SD notices she is not being chased so she starts this "I'm sad" thing which she has done before . DH has made soooooo many efforts to spend time with SD and to make our home more welcoming from her but she still won't come , and I mean I guess it's fine because she is a teen but also don't sit there and be "sad" about something you are doing yourself and make it look like DH abandoned you ! I told DH next time BM has to talk to you about SD feelings you tell her to have SD call you herself so you guys can talk about what is really going on . SD going to BM about something that involves DH just seems ridiculous. And who knows if this is even what happened , BM is always trying to guilt DH and it's almost Christmas so I can see BM using this as a excuse to yet again get rid of SD for the whole holiday break. I don't know but I told DH these games need to really stop and he needs to go to SD directly and put some accountability back on her .

JustanotherSM17's blog
Log in or register to post comments

Comments

well....christmas is coming

well....christmas is coming soon and poor sad SD wants those gifts

Yup my first thought , gain

Yup my first thought , gain sympathy

SD14 seems opportunistic just

SD14 seems opportunistic just like BM. Not surprising.

Does DH see through the BS? Or is he jumping for joy at the prospect of being the favored parent during the holidays? Curious if he notices the same patterns with SD.

He is starting to see them

He is starting to see them because it's becoming a patterned which I pointed out to him yesterday. Everytime there's a holiday or when SD is with MIL or BM she all the sudden misses Daddy and starts with the "I'm sad" speech . Which in turn of course every one jumps on DH case he did have a talk with her at that time and told her that she is the one that decided to not come or answer phone calls and text , yet here we are again. I guess her forgot because he was like "well I guess I could go back to texting daily like I was" I said no DH YOU do not need to do anything because SD just wants to feel chased and also x mas is coming , it's a game. You know you are doing what you can do so why does it make sense that somehow it's your fault ? I said put the blame right back on them both when they point the finger at you! " well BM you don't like to meet me anymore and you constantly tell me she doesn't like to come so I don't see how this is on me" "SD you don't make a effort to come over or answe my text so again how and why exactly are you sad "

Yep. I've always told DH that

Yep. I've always told DH that cell phones work both ways. When SD13 was younger, he would blame not hearing from SD on BM. Claiming she was withholding communication from him. SD13 has had her own phone for a couple of years now. She only calls/texts when she is at BMs to ask if Amazon packages have arrived. Seriously. And OCCASIONALLY to gain sympathy as well. It's the norm for him to not here from her for days - week or so at a time.

She just wants to be chased I

She just wants to be chased I was right per usual. DH texted her all day yesterday and all night ending with a good night text and hearts . Which is exactly what she wanted . He asked her to send pictures and a little video of her photos being taken ( she was havinh volleyball photos done of her and her team) did she send him anything ? Nope!!!! As expected , she never does when he asks her to send things to him. I just want to tell him to stop but I have told him all I can and now I am just annoyed! Annoyed because yet again he is feeding into her bad habit behavior and it's not gonna help her. She senses DH backs off and doesn't baby her so she complains and start the coddling and constant text. She says she misses him but her actions do match her words ! I have told him several time a cell phone works both ways, she can call or text. All it took was a call from BM she say she was "sad" and the regression set in

I also think this is just a

I also think this is just a ploy by BM to have a excuse to text DH to make nice since the holiday break is next week. His phone was going off this evening, so I asked who is texting you so much! He said it was BM texting him photos of SD and such. I saw his text and he was like "thank you ... blah blah. " I'm like really DH , sorry but that is such a turn off for me because this woman has literally talked sooo much trash about myself , my children and DH. She has repeatedly told DH he is only married to me so he doesn't have to pay child support , she has called my children a pack of dogs, she has cussed me out on the phone! I mean I know that he has to talk to her from time to time but it just seems unnecessary and all the sudden excessive. Just feels like basically she can talk whatever trash she wants about us because DH is there playing her game also

Time for the full frontal

Time for the full frontal assault on BM for her manipulative crap and on SD for her whiney self delusional self fulfilling bullshit.

DH needs to inform BM that SD 14 gets her ass on the curb for visitation pick up on time to the CO or DH will drag BM to court each and every time on a contempt motion filing. Every time.

SD needs to see mommy get her ass ground up and spit out by DH and the courts. Lather... rinse... repeat.

SD also needs to see a direct relationship between her efforts and behaviors to respectfully engage with daddy and the level of abject misery daddy delivers to her existance. Engage, and have a tolerable existance. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes and see mommy get her ass handed to her, and get nothing but pain from daddy.

A meet B.
KISS

If I were your DH, my XW would rue any day she interfered in my relationship with my 14yo DD and my 14yo DD would rue any day she drank her idiot BM's Kool-Aid.

"KId, I screwed up picking your BM as your mother. I will not screw up in raising you to be as unlike her as I possibly can. Pull your head out of your ass and be better than her." Maybe not a direct message, but that is how I would raise her every available second I could.

I fully agree but DH seems to

I fully agree but DH seems to be regressing and feeding into BMs manipulation if my ex ever talked about DH the way BM talked about me and my family I would not be making some talk with him and I'm sure DH eould be asking me why I am even talking to him when I can talk directly to my Son. it's beyond annoying

I'd swiftly remind BM that no

I'd swiftly remind BM that no one has told SD she can't come. She/BM chooses not to so if she misses me- she should come on her regularly scheduled visits per the CO.

Id also limit BM to email only and all other communications with SD directly.

Right ! I didn't hear the

Right ! I didn't hear the conversation but he said he told her this. I have told him before that all communications need to come from SD and BM was emailing but she crept back into his text. I don't know how to tell him I don't want her texting you sort of thing ? Like how does that conversation begin ?

He needs to be willing to set

He needs to be willing to set boundaries with BM.

DH and I have a family email (we use it for bills, daycare communication, sport communication, etc.) He gave that email to BM and said unless I hear from SS16, this is how I'll communicate moving forward. He straight up ignored her texts and eventually they stopped. The only way they speak is through the family email as that's where all family correpondence happens. You have an ex, right? Make it the standard way of communication with all parties and it will be the new norm.

We also use the shared calendar feature so all doc appointments, sport practices, dentist appointments get scheduled there too for convenience sake so at any given time we both know what's up.

Yea one day she was texting

Yea one day she was texting DH back and forth a lot. This is a moment when she was raging for who knows why. I saw her text come across his phone and I saw "and tell you wife blah blah blah" so I had, had enough at that point so I open the text and responded from DH phone and told her if she has anything to say about our my children she can tell me herself . I know it was not a good move but for some reason DH lost his balls and didn't tell her to not talk about his wife or kids?!?!? So ever since that day I guess DH blocked her and she would email him. I think he unblocked her because during the pick up one time they were late so SD had to ask DH to unblock BM lol. So I guess ever since then he forget to re block her and she has been texting since. But I feel like she lost the right to text when she called our kids dogs, and told me F off in the phone . All of which DH know. My ex is super easy to deal with and has never ever said one thing about DH or our children so it would be a bit unfair to tell him to only email from now on only maybe ....

I would have lost my shit on

I would have lost my shit on BM. Right move or not. And frankly I'd probably still talk trash, openly to both BM and SD. Just calling out behaviors as I saw them...

... that said, I can be a bit of an asshole but when it comes to games I don't play. Your DH can keep his head in the clouds all he wants but you can see what's happening clear as day and i personally wouldn't hold back. "Ahhhh SD here for the presents?! When will we see you after the holidays- you miss DH then why do you choose not to come?"

I could have lost my shit but

I could have lost my shit but decided mentally and psychologicaal warfare. I was harsh without ever saying a cuss word and put her in her place. And I can tell no one ever put her in her place because she was shook lol she had to resort to telling me "F you" and hanging up because she told me to "step up" as a step mom when she can't even step up as a mother . B please ! I honestly keep my conversations with SD to minimum because I never know if she is gonna report back to BM or twist things and run and cry to anyone who will give her attention like she has done . I do not play games at all, I point all these games out to DH but I can't tell him what to do, he has to be man enough to make those choices even if they annoy me. But as a father he owes it to his daughter to try to parent her right and chasing her will not do her any good. It sucks that all his parenting is undone and undermined by BM and her guilting DH ( are you contacting SD enough?!??) I suggested he cut off the texting and limit BM to email this will force SD to have communication with him and no more she said BS . Also each time SD tells DH she is "too tired" for her visit he will keep a record so when this "I miss you " games comes around again he can be like ok but you told me you didn't wanna come on this weekend and that instead of him hearing it from BM. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes