No empathy at all.  Pitiful.  

My 1st ex and his now deceased wife.  Ex had zero interest in being a parent, his wife actually wanted children but couldn't have them so she legitimately  DID overstep her bounds in colluding with ex-MIL, who she actually despised trying to dig up dirt on me to get COC.

It's such an uphill battle!   I hope your DD is healing well and continues to make her way in the world. 

Ugh - I hate this for your daughter.  I remember how terrible all of this was for your family.  Maybe she should stay with you for Father's Day -you are the mom and the dad, afterall...

It sucks for her because she's fought so hard to recover, and because he said he'd support it. It sucks for him, because she just made it clear that she'd rather attend (not her first choice team, but her second choice team and not even a game for that team but..) every practice rather than spend the limited time he has with together.  It doesn't mean he's not a real parent. 

SM was out of line losing her temper, but I feel for her too.  When my kids were in sports they would ask if they could attend important games, but they knew that attending a practice for a sport was not more important than visiting their Dad.  He did support games and tournaments even though he didn't have them all the time.  I wouldn't have blamed him for drawing the line at every practice too.

The down side of being a child of divorce.  But even children in intact families have to miss practices on occasion.

So basically what your ex is teaching his daughter is that his word doesn’t mean sh@t, and that if she commits to something she better drop it if it doesn’t suit him.  Does he want his daughter to be a victim to sh@tty men the rest of her life?  No wonder she is dating a d-bag, because it’s mirrored from her dad.  Also I thought he was retired military and they are all about “honoring commitments” real classy.

People who renege on commitments suck. I 100% disagree with mominit.  It sucks for JMTB's ex because HE sucks. His daughter is not rejecting him, she's following through on a commitment she made and he agreed to support. It doesn't matter that it's her 2nd choice team - it's HER TEAM, the only one she's on, the one that matters to her.  It doesn't matter that it's practice, not a game,  because when you commit to a team sport, you commit not only to games but to practices.  You owe that to the team. If he didn't want to give up his parenting time and commit himself to driving, he could have said no. This is totally on him. He sucks.

JMTB, at least your daughter has one parent who supports her.  She'll remember that.

Beaver is  notorious for this.  She will agree and then back out or just complain so much to SD that SD just gives up whatever she is doing.  It pisses me off so bad because it teaches SD that it is ok not to uphold your agreements.  Plus it also teaches SD that she can't rely on people.

If you commit..you commit.  Parenthood is all about sacrificing your time and effort for your kids.  I just don't get it....do not have kids if your not prepared for that.  The VI tried this with DD and she lit him up like the sky on the 4th of July.  She wasn't about to put up with it..and forced her dad for years to take her to flute lessons, football games, etc.  Her response when he tried to balk at her extra curriculars...was fine..you agreed and now you want to  back out..I will go live at Mom's house full time.  DD knew if push came to shove and she had to talk to the judge...she would win when she presented the fact that her father didn't want to support her amittions.  SHe was very very smart...she knew her narcisisstic father could not stand it if she went to my house full tile.  She played that to the hilt.

Could you switch a week of visitation for the summer.  Agree that she'll stay at your place to do the sports thing.  And in return he gets a make-up week in August when she's not in the sport in your area any more?

He was an idiot for agreeing to a sport 3.5 hours away (7 hours round trip).  But is there anyway to make the best of it?

signed her up for anything and he agreed. For him to go back on his word and to make her feel badly about it, is just wrong especially after what she has gone through and was cut from the team. 

I used to think wow you and your ex DH co-parented so well including with SM, but ever since they moved closer, it seems there has been nothing but issues and he isn't concerned about what is best for his older children. It isn't teaching his daughter anything good, he committed and is showing it is okay to back out of commitments you make. What an ass he is.

And he's the parent who was supposed to be supervising your daughter when she had her accident - you'd think it would assuage his guilt and fill him with pride to see how hard she's fought to get back into her sport. Guess not. A$$hole!

Yeah, I'm almost always a "visitation is more important than sports" person, but this situation is so much different than someone signing up their 8 year old to play every sport under the sun. Your DD has been through so much and the fact that she wants to continue to play even given the massive physical setbacks she had is really admirable. It was shitty of her SM to speak to her like that and even more shitty of her dad to go back on his word. I feel for you both.

I am sorry but they live 3.5 hours away and she intends to miss visitation regularly for a ball game

Sports do not supersede visitation. Stepparents and non custodial parents have their entire weeks and weekends and holidays organized around the childs visitation. Not to mention this weekend is Fathers Day. 

Visiting your parent and spending time with them is more important than kicking ball on the weekends. The other parent probably agreed because if he had said no not on his time then he would be a "dick" as you said.

Your daughter is a teenager with health issues and dealing with a lot. What she needs is her family instead of chasing a sense of belonging within group sports

And yes its very frustrating when kids call to cancel visitation at the last minute when you live 3.5hours away and its also very insulting when it happens on Fathers Day weekend

Thankfully SM seems to care about her coming over and thats probably why she was pissed. If I had been the SM i would have said ok great, dont bother but let us know which dates you plan on coming and commit to them so we dont have our plans ruined for your ball games

if you hadn;t privately discussed this ahead of time w/ Dad I might see it differently. But you approached him before approaching her. You gavve him the chance to say no, he supported her playing if she wanted and now you're supposed to feel guilty because he decided to go back on his word? no. just no. 

He had the chance to turn it down and she would never have known it was even a thing. He and his wife had the choice and they said they were willing to let her play if she wanted to. 

Do not let them or anyone else guilt you because he changed his mind after saying yes and after your daughter was given the chance to play. 

Is it normal to test that? Does every kid have to be able to slide into home? I know nothing about sports and it made me wonder. Did every kid trying out have to demonstrate that? Is it common? 

I think when you spoke with your Ex, he agreed to support your DD sport.  But I bet he never thought about it practically or discussed it with his DW.  Then when he told his DW she went nuts with him about promising hours and hours out of their family time for your DD.  Don't they have small children?   How is she going to cope if Ex and DD aren't available to provide childcare?

He then decided to renage on his agreement with you and DD to keep the peace at home.  

He is such a bad word.  And needs a monkey punch.

They hassle her because they dont want to be responsible financially nor with their time PLUS they know if they say no, somebody else (aka you) will do it

Sucks to have a bio parent who does not support a kids' dream and he should not have agreed if he knew the logistics of it was be too much for him to handle