College Money for Steps
Forums:
Slate has an article titled -- Should I split my children's college funds with my new step kids? https://slate.com/human-interest/2022/08/finances-college-savings-advice...
She's known the guy four years and been married for two. Her children's college funds are inherited from their father and paternal grandmother. Current husband and his ex have nothing saved for their two kids and think she should split the money with their two kids, her steps. They say her kids are spoiled and selfish for not wanting mom to split the money.
This guy is a reason why people have prenups. Why does he think his kids are entitled to college paid by the late husband and his mother? And why does his ex know anything about her kids' college funds?
Yeah, this is a no brainer.
Yeah, this is a no brainer.
Should I split my children's college funds with my new step kids?
NO.
Wow! Just wow! The fact that
Wow! Just wow! The fact that the husband is demanding this is bad enough, but the ex wife getting in on the act...seriously, they are spoiled and selfish for thinking a dead father's money should go to their kids just because they were too lazy to save.
DH had put money aside, inherited from his grandmother, for Skids college education. BM liquidated the account because she "needed" the money to pay for her business taxes (she is a CPA, but never paid estimated taxes and always ended up with a big bill plus penalties at the end of the year...in the years she filed her taxes, but that's another story). DH and BM have no money saved for college. Neither skid has any business going to college, but one tells him BM's parents (neither of whom went to college) would be "disappointed" if they didn't go. BM's parents supposedly have money to pay for college, but I guarantee that BM will still come demanding money (even though Skids will go to community college at most and one said he would take one class a semester...so will never graduate). I have already resigned myself to the fact that we may have to offer up some money (in our state a child can demand college money from a non-custodial parent), but I'm hoping to limit the amount, especially because I think "college" will be a farce for both skids.
My guess is that the wording of NCP being required to pay for
college is something along the lines of "if the kid is a full time college student in good standing with their college/university". That is the paraphrased wording in the supplemental county rules in place for the county where my SS's SPermidiot and SpermClan live.
At age 18 and upon graduation from HS, CS shifts from being paid to the CP to being paid to the full time college student kid... in SpermLand jurisdictions.
His mom and I would have happily paid for his university education on the mom and dad full meal deal scholarship. He let us off the hook by enlisting in the USAF. They are paying for his education. Even while enlisted and in training or going to school while serving, he could have gotten ongoing CS from the SpermClan.
My SS chose to not nail their asses to the wall to pay for his college. Against my advice.
Damn it!
In our state, the language is
In our state, the language is less precise, but if we were to give money, it would require full-time and in good academic standing.
The language is clear that the NCP should pay the school directly, so that removes a lot of the incentive for BM to try to game the system. We will still need to save for a lawyer to negotiate any deals for us.
The language is even less clear about child support. It seems like it's not a requirement, but maybe an option? If it's not required, it will not be sent to either BM or Skid. Neither skid works, even though they are both old enough and there are plenty of jobs available right now and I'm not interested in subsidizing "adults" who don't do anything. As soon as BM's exSS turned 18 she demanded he pay rent and then wanted to kick him out of the house, so I'm not about to support her kids once they are non-contributing 18 year olds.
What happens when your husband did a savings acct and
In divorce handed that money as requested to the ex and she emptied it, can she or skid still come for your husband for college money when your husband can show he had substantial savings put aside and bio mum emptied the whole thibg for personal expenses?
Absolutely not.
Absolutely not.
Certainly a conversation to be had. I'd certainly never co sign any loans either.
Unless this guy has somehow
Unless this guy has somehow been overly subsidizing her and her children's living expenses.. in some MAJOR way.. then absolutely NO.
that he would even ask is pretty much a divorceable offense!
How does that saying go? Poor
How does that saying go? Poor planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.
If that sugar mama wants to get her husband and her step kids off her back she needs to discuss this with her kids. Maybe come up with a plan to put a few grand into some college accounts to get them started and then tell her husband and his ex-wife that they still have a few years to save up money for the kids. She absolutely should not take any of this money from her kids without their blessing. Doing that would be a betrayal to her own bio kids.
NO Nononononono.
NO Nononononono.
OMG - DH told me at one point that BM thought that I was on the hook for college costs. Then she researched it (she was dead serious about it it seems) and she emailed him that she figured out I was not responsible. FFS. That's when I pulled the plug on covering the SDs on my medical plan.
NO way jose.
NO way jose.
My father has set up a
My father has set up a college fund for my DD. BM and DH have saved zero for the skids' college, but the Golden Goose (BM's husband) might pony up - college is almost 10 years away so who knows what happens between now and then. If DH came to me and asked me to split DD's college fund with the skids, I'd give him an emphatic NO, but I wouldn't hold it against him. If he pressured me about it after I declined, and had BM pressuring me, I suspect our marriage wouldn't last long.
This is the female equivalent
This is the female equivalent of being pu**y whipped, and we certainly rake bio dads over the coals for stuff like this.
SMH
I think it's outrageous that
I think it's outrageous that the guy even thought about asking ...
"What's yours is mine and what's mine is mine" attitude.
OK
So now I've actually read the article and feel even more strongly about this.
This money was deliberately set aside for her children YEARS before her new husband came on the scene and I believe it should absolutely only go to her children. There is no reason why the steps should get a cut in it and even less reason why the poster should feel badly enough to give some of her own money to the skids college funds. No, just no. I very much disliked the way that the answer to her was formed, as if the writer were trying to gently coerce her to give the kids at least something. Again, just no. And no again to the idea of her consulting a lawyer to see if she can legally take some of her children's funds to give to someone else's kids.
These kids have two parents who are very much alive and who should have made provisions for their own children's futures rather than mooching off someone else and the poster is not one of them. In fact, given the age differences, they still can. So why don't they just shut up and get on with their responsibilities and stop trying to slide them onto someone else's plate?
My vote is to tell the SD to take a running jump ...
there is little to no way you
there is little to no way you could think that his parents.. nor him ever envisioned a scenario where his biological children's inheritance would be divied up amongst kids that are not biologically his.. or at the very least biologically his surviving wife's.
My inlaws do this kind of weird "equity" thing.. where they claim everyone is treated equally.. and they include great grandkids that are children to their son's new wife that were adults and in existance before he even married her.
They just sent all the grandkids a 1000 dollar check.. My YSD thought it was for her wedding.. but turns out they had to send the same to all the kids.. (even though they did not do this equity share thing when her cousins got married.. it is only BIL's family that will ever see the extra benefits here).
I could see some extreme situation.. where one of his kids was dying and only if they had 20K for a life saving treatment.. well.. life/death? maybe I might have more sympathy.
But thes kids have grandparents and parents that should be totally capable of providing support for their educations.. or if they don't want to? well.. student loans and grants it is.. and working through school.
The fact that he can ask this is a huge red flag.. I would examine whether this is some exception.. or whether this is a pattern of selfishness.
That is what health insurance is for.
Though I might help depending on the circumstance.
Also the deceased dad and grandma are not skids family
And by the sounds of it passed away before these skids and new husband were in their lives. The 2 skids did not contribute in anyway to the deceased grandma and father of the bio kids of the poster. I can't see any judge ruling in the greedy ex and new husbands favour.
they can see via a paper trail and dates of when deceased etc what the intentions of the deceased father and grandma was
My nasty ex had a lot of
My nasty ex had a lot of opinions about the college funds my kids received from their paternal grandparents.
Never mind that his kids were lousy students and could barely graduate high school. He was so bitter that my kids actually earned degrees and didn't have student loan debt. So many comments about "must be nice." Ya know, it IS nice.
The "must be nice" is right
The "must be nice" is right up there with "you are lucky you.. have a pension.. don't have student debt.. have a good job.. have a job with insurance that is affordable"
Yeah.. it's not luck.. it is often the direct result of hard work and planning. Sure.. we can all suffer from bad luck.. or good luck (winning a lottery.. haha). but usually when we have a good opportunity it is because we have put our selves in that position.. or have prepared ourselves for the potential of that opportunity to take advantage when it comes along.
Their parent.. grandparent.. worked hard for that money at one point.. they saved and invested over time instead of spending every dime of their paycheck.. they planned for a future for that child.. they likely didn't just fund that account in one fell swoop.. it was multiple decision points to fund it.. and to forego the ability to use the money on themselves or in another possibly more frivolous fashion.
This is where the whole "student loan forgiveness" starts to break down. So the families that saved.. didn't take annual vacations to disney.. or cruises.. or ate at home vs going out every other day.. who made do with more modest wardrobes.. fewer namebrand shoes when the kids were younger.. packed lunch.. carpooled. worked an extra job.. had both parents work vs having a SAHM.. drove older cars vs buying new every 3-5 years. They made "sacrifices" and planned for their kid's college education.. so they could go without taking out huge loans.. so their taxes should go to pay off the loans of families that made no sacrifices and are now relying on the govt to erase the debt for a service they voluntarily decided to purchase? where is THEIR retro active refund for the loans they didn't take?
Or the person's taxes that went into hvac or plumbing because they couldn't see the value in a college education panning out.. and wanted a good paying trade without the debt. They should pay for someone else's child to have gotten some opportunity for free like that?
Or the people that just spent their time and money on education irresponsibly.. taking courses of study that clearly could never approach a cost benefit analysis in repaying that amount of debt. I honestly have to question someone's critical thinking skills if they are putting themselves in 100K plus debt to be an elementary school teacher... if you thought you could repay that much? you may not be smart enough to even be going to college.. and shouldn't be teaching children anyway.. lol.
but I get it... going to college.. the "american dream".. but so many people go to college that are absolutely not going to benefit.. they either don't have the apptitude.. the attitude.. they are sold a bill of goods in what the education can provide for them.. when it often ends up being little more than an expensive piece of paper!
but.. there is no way.. that this child's father would ever expect anyone would use the money that he scrimped and saved for to be used on anything other than his child's education.. and if there is money left? that goes into a nest egg for that child.. it's that father's and grandparent's legacy.. I BET if his kids inherited somethign from his parents.. he wouldn't be all about sharing it with her kids!
Hopefully no one was saying
Hopefully no one was saying that she should split it with her SKs because that would be absolutely bonkers.
The only circumstances where I could see her splitting it would be if her new DH had been over-providing for her and her kids (and I'm not saying occasionally paying for dinner; I mean him paying all the bills while DW kept all her money to herself) OR the DH had contributed to those accounts. In no way, shape, or form did the DH contribute to that money nor does it sound like he has subsidized the new wife in a way where he has been financially put out and not able to provide for his own kids (which, if he has been, he's dumb and needs to rectify that ASAP).
If I were the DW in this situation, I'd be asking for half of DH's pension amd savings, as well as giving him 50% responsibility on her liabilities/debts.
this is a joke right?
If not it takes entitlement to the next level...
OMG, this reminds me of a bm
OMG, this reminds me of a bm who filed, in court of course, for her ex to pay for college expenses for kids. The xdh said no. So the bm countered his no with, dh paying her several hundreds of dollars to cover books, labs and stuff per month..on top of the cs she was going to keep recieving.
Turned out kids had free everything, free tuition, freeeeee free free, including books and labs.
Her hustle was busted.
Not a single word was mentioned about college costs after SHE was exposed for lying. It was like it never happened. Weird stuff.
Free ride? Oh hell no.
Not free at all. The BM, her deceased first DH, and her MIL earned, saved, planned, and funded those education accounts. There is nothing free ride about what the SM's BKs will benefit from.
As for her idiot POS DH and his POS XW, well... they are idiots and POS parents. Not her problem. She should not violate her deceased DH's wishes. If she does, her own kids should sue her ass when they reach 18 and put her, her idiot husband, and their StepSibs in the gutter.
Hopefully, this woman has the character to counter her idiot DH and his idiot XW.
Time for her to find a third DH IMHO. One with character and who is not a money grubbing POS.
Just my thoughts of course.
Firstly their woman’s ex
Who is deceased stated it was to be solely for their kids as it was his life insurance policy.
Secondly its not the womans fault her now husband and exwife were reckless and didn't save for college.
thirdly, the skids were or close to being teens (8 & 11) when the woman met them and she's only been in their lives 4 yrs.
fourthly, whether the womans family are well off or not is irrelevant and the fact these idiot parents are calling her and her kids selfish because they won't fund skids because their parents were reckless is ridiculous. Skids are only after their own interests including their mum. She couldn't care that the deceased father's life insurance policy was solely for his inheritors (his kids)
i'm from Australia, husband in from asia, his kids live in his asian country and their mum is uneducated and poor and came from a poor uneducated family. She has not worked in almost 30 yrs by choice.
i am university educated along with my husband. My parents both studied hard, worked to build savings to buy a home before having kids etc. we weren't rich but lived comfortably with a budget. I will inherit money and therefore my bio kids and no way will skids criticise or guilt us for it. I also have retirement savings from my job that no skid is entitled to.
the womans husband and exwife essentially want her going against her deceased ex-husband and ex-mother in law wishes that their money/estate went to their surviving family members which are her 2 kids. Skids are not their family.
also if the mum caved in and split her late husbands life insurance money that was meant to be for their 2 bio kids and gave it to skids, her bio kids can take this to court to prevent it going to skids. Judge would look at where funds came from and common sense prevails that intention of the deceased husband and mil was these funds went to the inheritors which are those 2 kids.
the skids should be angry at their bio parents for failing to plan savings for them
how much simpler does this need to get??