I remember we were sitting on the couch, watching TV one night. DH turned to me and said "I think it's time we get an attorney and file for custody of the kids." I agreed with him and the next day, I was calling all the family lawyers in town. We met with our attorney - she was highly recommended and very professional - we explained our situation. She asked us to gather everything we could - I printed out every single arrest record, made copies of the children's report cards (showing they were doing better in school), and printed out messages between her, DH and SS as proof. Our attorney wrote up her petition and it was filed.

We received our response from BM (who was in rehab at the time) - she was totally against it. She admitted in her letter that she had failed to provide for the children and had not been there for them, but she was going to fight for custody. Our court date was set. I remember taking the day off work, pulling my most professional looking dress from the closet, de-wrinkling DH's clothes, so nervous. We got there an hour early and waited with our attorney. DH was pacing, nervous. I felt like I was going to have an anxiety attack at any moment. Finally, it was our time - and BM was nowhere to be found. My attorney chuckled to herself and said, "Well, this is a good sign." The judge acknowleged us and asked if the defendent was present. Realizing she wasn't, he granted DH temporary sole custody of the children. The entire thing took less than five minutes. I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders as our attorney took us outside and said, "She would be foolish to try this again."

But a few months later, we received another letter that she wanted to petition the courts again. I was frustrated, but quickly called the attorney and let her know the situation. Again, I pulled out my dress and fixed DH's clothes and took another day off work. We got there early, entered the court room.....BM was not there. The judge asked what was going on and our attorney simply stated, "The defendant failed to show, Your Honor." The judge laughed. "How disrespectful," he said out loud. DH was granted full sole custody of the children and the judge announced he was stripping BM of her visitation rights, just for good measure. We breathed a huge sigh of relief and our attorney said, "Well, she's got no chance now."

It wasn't a matter of days before DH received a message from BM,  claiming that she wanted to be there but she "couldn't find a ride." This statement infuriated us, because a week after the first court date, she had made a trip into town with her friends from rehab. She went on to say that petitioning the court was her counselor's idea and they had "put the whole thing together." She made every excuse in the book. DH told her that if it was him, and losing his children on the line, he would have driven a bus or hitch-hiked or walked if he had to - she didn't have a response for that, just that he "didn't understand."

This all happened between 2012-2013. It will be ten years before we even know it. And it wasn't until May of 2020 that BM informed DH that she was "taking him back to court" and filing to regain custody. He was to stunned to speak. What judge, he asked her, in his right mind would consider giving custody back after so many years? SD was in elementary school when it happened, and now she's getting ready to be in high school. SS was in middle school and now he is getting ready to turn 21 and legally drink. If that much time has passed, what is the real excuse here? I don't want to have to go through the whole court process again. Paying the legal fees was bad enough, not to mention the anxiety it caused.