I remember it vividly. SS was in 7th grade and I was dropping him off at school in the morning. His English teacher walked up to my car window and said "Hello," introduced herself, and asked SS "Is this your Mom?" I held my breath and he answered, "Yeah, this is my Mom." The teacher proceeded to tell me how much better SS was doing in her class, his grades were improving, he was a real joy to have. I thanked her for letting me know and drove to work with a huge smile on my face. SS very easily could have said no. He could have corrected her, but he went along with it. Later that evening he asked if it was okay what he said and explained that while I wasn't his BM, I had been more of a Mom than she ever was and he appreciated me. It was roughly about two years later the first time he ever said "I love you." From then on, he never referred to me as a step-mom. Even when strangers commented we looked just alike, he would smile and say "We get that ALL the time." I rememember around this time period he had a friend over for the weekend. I overheard the friend say "I like this new Mom you got WAY better than your old Mom." And SS said, "Yeah, me too." When I tell you, my heart swelled. It made me feel so much better after the rough first few years. I got a slight high every time I heard him say "Let me ask my Mom." There was an incident with his grandmother (BM's mother) where she was shaming him for not wanting to be speak to his mother. He pointed directly at me and said, "THAT is my Mom." It angered the grandmother to no end, but SS stuck to it. There was another time the grandmother told him "Your Mom called" and, without hesitation, he turned to me and said "When did you call me?" It might have been wrong, but I couldn't help to smile to myself.

SD is a slightly different situation. I am labelled as "Mom" in her phone. She has told most of her friends I am her mother - only her best friend and boyfriend know that I am actually not. All of her teachers know me as her mother. Strangers have commented "Oh, she looks exactly like you with different colored hair." But she doesn't have it in her to say she loves me. She doesn't have the strength to stand up to her grandmother (while she was still alive) whenever she brought up BM. I am hoping she will get there in time, but she's said that she tells everyone I'm her mother because it's "easier" than "telling them my entire life story." I gently reminded her it is fine, her true friends will understand if she explains it to them, and she is under no obligation to tell the whole story if she doesn't want to. Her best friend only knows because there was a time when she asked her why she referred to me by my first name. This resulted in SD spilling everything, but luckily she has a really decent best friend and she understood. 

I have said before I am fine with them never calling me "Mom" to my face. Hearing simple phrases like "Let me ask my Mom" or "That's my Mom" are enough to get me by. SS has reached the point where he only refers to BM by her first name - he has not called her "Mom" in years. SD still refers to her as "My real Mom," but has also shifted to referring to her on a first name basis. She admitted that if they were face to face right now, she would feel awkward calling her by "Mom," yet doesn't know what else to say.