She made the monster, let her take the fall out

What's the alternative? Should he go over to BM's and drag SS out of bed?

what BM allows at her house is on her, ESPECIALLY if DH doesn't want to get involved. If DH wants to stay out of it, OBVIOUSLY he doesn't care either. He knows, and doesn't care. You can't care more than this child's parents. THAT'S when I had to learn to "Let it go" and disengage. You will just get into fights with DH over it and become increasingly frustrated over a child that isn't yours.

If the school contacts you- I would direct them to BM.

In an email to the school AND BM (I'm all about transparency)-

"Hi school,

So sorry to hear he has been tardy. He lives with BM during the week so you'll have to take that up with her. Thank you for your concern."

This is one of those "preparing your kid for life" things that parents are supposed to do. BOTH parents.

Both parents need to be prepared to hand out consequences if SS continues to refuse to get up on time. Both parents will suffer the consequences if social services is called. And, you will certainly suffer if BM loses custody.

This is different than not getting involved because SS is not eating his peas at BM's.

Simple solutions.

Air horn.  Bucket of ice water, no bed, and a forced march to school each time he misses the bus.

An abject state of misery solves this problem in a hurry.

My Skid missed the bus once in the AM, he took off on a sprint through the woods to the next neighborhood over to catch the bus when it went through there.  He missed once at the end of school day as well. He called. We told him to enjoy the walk and be safe since there were no sidewalks on the main road between his HS and our home.  It was about 7 miles.  We were just finising up dinner when he walked in.

BM is an idiot.  

If my skids were late to school every day and it was, by their own admission, because THEY wanted to sleep in, and not because BM was sleeping in or not even trying to get them moving, DH would impose consequences at our house.  He would not get on BM about it, but he would not let it go.  They're his kids too, and even though what goes on at BM's house and how BM deals with it is out of his control, that doesn't mean he can't express his displeasure with THEIR behavior and seek to change that behavior.  Now, if the skid was late every day because BM couldn't get HER lazy ass out of bed to take him (and there wasn't a bus), that would be different and that would be something appropriately addressed with BM.

Once the school has both parents emails, all emails will go to both parents (as they should). Schools should not be deciding which emails go to which parent.

The school does not expect the non custodial parent to go to the house and drag the kid to school. They are imforming the non custodial parent of the situation. They do expect that the non custodial parent would speak to the child and the custodial parent about attendance. 

In the end, there is very little the non custodial parent can do except speak to the child and the custodial parent. Social services is not going to remove the child from BM for lateness. She might end up in truancy court with her child, but no court is going to sanction or blame the non custodial parent for the lateness of a child that doesn't live with him.

To cover himself, DH should reply to the school. He is aware of the lateness and will speak to the child, but the child is not leaving his house to attend school.

These are two separate yet intertwined issues.  SS wants to sleep in so BM allows him and ends up dropping SS off late.  That is BM's fault for encouraging the laziness and not setting time limits for SS.  The tardy affects both BM and DH because it is a disciplinary issue with the school.  So no DH should not go to BM's house and do anything, but he should still care because overall it can and will affect him when SS is deemed truant.

DHs youngest lived with us for his Junior year. Got him from failing to having A's & B's, zero missed days, one late check-in due to Ortho appointment. Goes back with BM for his Senior year; misses 53 days of school, fails multiple classes and ends up failing his Senior year. MInd you, DH was at the school multiple times trying to get something done. School pretty much dismissed him until the end....when it was too late. They even tried to get me involved to "save" the kid from failing. SMH

 Great advice in your thread here....DH needs to respond to every email with "child is with his mother right now but when he is with me, he gets to school on time" and be done with it. No way in hell would I ever suggest any DH go to a BM's house to get "a kid out of bed." That's absolutely ridiculous and could lead to serious legal consequences for DH. Your DH can confront his kid, advise him that the school may get CPS involved but other than that, when at BMs, not much you can do.

One thing I've learned...there is a set of rules for nuclear families and another set for step families. It's infuriating.

The ideal of co-parenting is that both parents can agree on a set of boundaries/rules and how they approach issues like this one but it's rarely possible. We tried to do this for years and years with BM but it's rarely worked. Sometimes we are on the same page and we do try to work together, however more often than not we are poles apart so BM does it her way and we do it our way. 

It's harder during the teeange years as the problems get bigger and more complicated and for us has highlighted just how differently we approach parenting to BM. 

My advice, choose your battles. We will sometimes raise concerns with BM, however have little expectation that it will change anything and in the end respect her right to parent as she sees fit as is our right. 

Let BM deal with the consequences, the school is likely to haul her in there to talk about it and/or start dishing out detentions to SS. 

A legal requirement to send notice to both parents. You should send the school the CO showing the days he is with BM and BF.   And a letter saying this is happing on BM days.  Same letter to BM

Whats being done about this?

Engage the district Truent Officer.  Let mommy and the idiot kid deal with the officer with the badge.

End of problem.

With the % of Xs that are manipulative I am not sure I would risk banging on my X's door to wake an idiot HS aged kid  up to get him to school.  Let the officials deal with it officially while engaging them to put their official feet up BM's and the idiot spawn's asses.

And have fun.