SS17s 8th grade letter to himself.
I'm more then likely going to be full of blogs this week...
So got home from work little while ago and the first thing I always do is start picking up the house. Actually.. let the dogs out lol.
So there is a bag on the kitchen table with SS17s name. I look in it.. It is stuff for graduation, town logo mask town logo key chain, wrappers, and a few pieces of paper.
Curious.. I take the papers out and look.. this is what I find.. SS17 8th grade letter to himself. They must have given the seniors them today. This is what it states:
Specific Goal: By my senior year of high school, I will have...
Answer: to spend more time with my mom.
Measurable/measurement: What criteria will be used to measure whether you met your goal?
Answer: I would spilt to be half and half. (Meaning custody I would assume)
Achievable? Is it realistic for you? Explain.
Answer: I think it will be because of (never finished writing the sentence)
Relevant: Why is it important to you?
Answer: to set a better relationship with my mom.
2nd portion of it is career and he writes that he wants the same job as SO etc. Which what he wrote isn't what SO does but.. close.
Then there is a paragraph to sum everything up.
Now... I tried to feel bad for this kid. I knew that SO and BMs divorced screwed him up.. BUT.. reading this.. I didn't feel bad for him.
SS17 was in 9th grade when we went through court and he told SD and SS16 (13 at the time) to use both sides to get what you want." He gave BM a run for her money while he WAS with her 50/50. He told her that her motorcycle was her 4th child... he did that while on the phone with SO and I one day.. He was constantly pushing his limits with her too.
All the BS he has put his father through, calling me every name in the book, and just the fact that he IS BM. I've lost the "I feel bad for the emotional trauma he has/had because of who his mother is... He hasn't tried to change who he is either.
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sounds emotionally stunted
They seem to not really grow after split...if its around a certain age. SD22 Feral Forger is still about 14...
Oh he definitely is stunted
Oh he definitely is stunted but, when does that excuse die too? He was 7/8 when BM and SO spilt. He (I feel) bonded with her the most being the oldest AND they are the same... constant victim, manipulative, etc. Most of us know the drill.
Other factors lead to "stunting"
Not JUST divorce/split.
We all know the drill - its the parenting/lack of parenting/guilty parenting/enmeshment.
In Feral Forgers case, at 22 shes an extreme example of emotional lack of maturation - no drivers license, not working a job, no college classes (no thought of a future).
Interesting, CLove. I had
Interesting, CLove. I had never considered that. My SDs were 16 months and 3 at the time of the split and seem fairly well adjusted now at 6 and 8. I wonder if a split while they're younger is easier. I know SD6 has no recollection of her parents together.
SD15 is more mature at 15 than her sister at 22
WELL, with my reading "stepmonster", there was a section citing statistics that:
a. The teens who experienced a divorce were more emotionally effected than the younger than 11 or the over 20 something.
and
b. As a result of factors including the divorce (enmeshment, coddling, narcissistic parents, etc) the emotional maturity was affected (I call it stunted) in many cases. Not all are affected with being emotionally stunted as a result of the split. but it seems like what Im seeing described more and more is just that. Its never JUSt the divorce, its all of it. The coddling that results from guilty parents, the dissappearing parents, the spoiling and manipulations (playing the houses), the lack of parenting and discipline. All that stuff hold back the proper maturation of these skids.
Oh my gosh this is so
Oh my gosh this is so relatable. Spawn posted this social media comment about if your parent is an addict you won't be okay as an adult because you will still be that scared kid just wanting your parent. Normally that would hit me in the feels, but not with Spawn. The same girl who sat there and stone faced told DH he was a liar, it was his fault Meth Mouth kept getting arrested and even if she was going to jail or was because of something DH did.
Right... everything wrong in
Right... everything wrong in SS17s life is because of SO. Not that he has his mothers DNA and she's the one that left the family twice for that matter and caused him all his emotional issues.
She still baby talks to the skids... Or it's "baby" or "buddy" like gross. When we hear her on the phone (rarely) but when we do that's what we hear.. So at the 8th grade level and writing "spend more time with my mom" as a GOAL... would have thought it would be coming from a 5 year old with freshly divorced parents. At the point of him writing that he was 5/6 years in to his parents separation.
I don't feel bad though. I just can't.
Wouldn't a goal be like get better grades or something... Who knows.. when he was in 8th grade they were going to BMs EOWE.. maybe he wrote that with her haha.