I'm not her mom
Does anyone else's husband try to act like you're the stepkid's mother or that they are with you more frequently than they are?
I feel that it's disingenuous to act like you're a normal intact family and that your stepkid is in your life more than they are when. They are PASed out.
We get SD about every other month, and barely talk in between. We bary know her anymore.
But the way he talks you'd think she was our 3rd daughter that just happened to be in another room or something.
I get talking this way around people and friends, you want to portray yourself a certain way, but to me it just seems like he is in denial and lying. I know we hardly see her, I know she won't respond to him.
I was talking about how tough it is taking care.of our kids sometimes (two under two!) And he said "you're an amazing wife and mom. You, DD1, DD2 and SD are my world!" Wait what? SD isn't here, I don't take care of her. It was just so tone deaf and weird I wish he hasn't said anything.
He's in denial. I wouldn't
He's in denial. I wouldn't take it too personally, it's hard for most fathers to admit what is happening when alienation occurs.
This is just what set me off.
This is just what set me off. I wanted to talk about strategies for parenting our kids and he just responds that he loves all of us. Ok...
We're planning summer things and he is acting like SD will be there for all of them.and that I've planned them with her in mind. He has so far made.no effort to work out summer visitation.
Unless I'm missing context,
Unless I'm missing context, he doesn't seem to be saying that you are her mom.
He is definitely in denial
He is definitely in denial and has wishful thinking.
I went through the same thing with SO when OSD PASd out. I found it extremely annoying at the time that he seemed to have no grasp of reality.
No anger or frustration towards OSD who after everything he has done for her and always being there for her, blew him off for the parent that never gave a damn about her ever and barely acknowledged her existence.
All because OSD decided the freedom to do anything she wanted was more enticing than a stable home and having her basic needs met.
Instead for a year every time we did anything or planned on doing anything. It was OSD would like that. He always acted as if she was going to walk in the door any minute even though she would not even respond to his texts.
It made me feel crazy and I just wanted to shake him and scream because he was being delusional and living in fantasy land. He was ignoring the people right in front of him.
On a good note eventually he came to his s senses. But there was nothing I could say or do to get him there.
Hun
Your DH has wishful thinking and he complimented you on your nurturing ability. I am on team SM and get what you are saying. Although I think from what you said that he just wanted to include all of his kids in relation to you.
Dang you are lucky he included you and your two bios as his world. There are some shitty DH's whose "world" consists of the skids and his second family (for lack of a better term)is not part of that hierarchy.
My interpretation of his
My interpretation of his comment is "You are an amazing wife and mom. You (and my kids) are my world."
I'm missing the part that is irritating I guess.
I see what you are saying
I see what you are saying here... My DH made a similar comment the other day.
Him, myself, and our newborn were all on the couch snuggling, just hanging out. I thought it was a sweet moment and said "aww our little family here." Later in the day, DH brought up that it hurt his feelings... because I said "our family" when SD11 wasn't present.
Um, when she is here and not begging to go back to BM, she locks herself in her room on her phone. I can't even tell you the last time she sat on the couch with us. YEARS honestly since we have watch a movie together. So, NO, I didn't mention her. Also, am I never allowed to refer to just the 3 of us as a family? Especially when she doesn't accept our bio as her brother? From SD11 mouth "they aren't related."
UGH, I think our DHs are in denial about how (un)involved their daughters are in our lives.The denial part is what irritates me. Either accept how distant SD is from us, or try to fix it! DH does neither btw, and I'm sure as hell not going to be bothered by it if he isn't.
Did you say this to him?
If not, why not?
I have long been stumped by the butt hurt sensitivities prior breeders in blended marriages have when their mate insists on having a life and close family experiences when the Skid is not present.
Life does not stop when the failed family progeny is away at their other parent's home or with their other family.
Your DH needs a tune up. So tell him what you shared here. "The three of us are our little family. When SD is here and participating rather than locking herself in her room glued to her phone she certainly can be a part of it. But... when it is just the three of us, it IS our little family. And don't forget that she has repeatedly made it clear the she and our baby are not related. So in reality she is not a part of THIS family. Any questions?"