It is heartening to hear a positive blended family story even with such a sad undertone. I am sure your Skid's mother is very proud of him and very thankful for you being a mother to the children that you, she and their dad share.

Tell him what you have shared here. Tell him that you are proud of him and that you are very sure that his mom is proud of him too.

Keep up the good work and congratulations on your son reaching 16. It just seems to move faster after this one... as they all do.

Sincerely,

It is so rare on these boards to hear about a "positive" blended family situation. It is good to hear about the good teens out there! Gives the world a glimmer of hope!

Just enjoy them...the time goes by fast! That is so evident to me this week as BS19 graduates.

Like you, my heart broke for my stepchildren when they lost their mother. Their relationship with their father was long distance and not encouraged at all. They lived in Florida and we lived in NY. He attempted to call regularly. He was unable to see them because he paid 800 in child support plus medical insurance and copayments. The situation was very negative. While in hospice she attempted to sign over parental rights to her grandparents, so bitter. She had cancer. MH is a good man. She knew she was dying. They were 9 and 12. She could have prepared them. Although he had joint custody with her, we still had to fight for them. We hired 2 lawyers. It was rough going! Everything has not always been peachy but we have managed to blend 2 families or so we thought. They have been here 8 years. My SD is now 20 and is doing great but her disrespect for  us is awful. She goes to college, works full time, and has her own vehicle. All of this on her own but my older children had to do it the same way. Now she is pulling my SS in too. She actually intimitates him I think. Besides that is he is her only bio sibling. Her mom was on SSD and her grandparents have money also and will shower her with what we cant do. I am happy they do but she defines that as us not caring because we cant. We have 5 children together. She also does not contribute to helping out by doing anything around the house. She just comes and goes. I have loved them both and helped them in so many ways but I am discouraged and exhausted.  I have to have hip surgery. I recently had 2 Grand Mall seizures. Due to this, I have to move back upstairs from the basement. We moved there when they came, it isnt finished so we took it.  I wouldnt if I didn't have too. It is our only privacy. We cant even talk in our own home. Last year my daughter and grandaughter had to move back home. Now my SD has to move to the smallest room. I didnt plan this. I don't want this surgery. She says its ridiculous because she has been through so much. I'm just tired. I have diverticulitis flare ups also. I don't know what to do. I honestly love them but this is getting to me. I guess I need to disengage but I don't know how to do that eitheir. I wish I didn't care sometimes. HELP This is just the tip of the iceberg.

Do not mistake love for not holding this toxic 20yo fully responsible for her toxic manipulative crap.

Quit the guilt feelings and start focusing only on her behavior. She is using the death of her mother as a manipulation tactic and both you and her father need to call her on it and confront it each and every time she pulls this shit.

Take care of you.  Good luck with your medical treatments.

My skids mom passed in 2010. SD was 11. SS was 5. 

I used to feel that way about SD. Prom, boyfriends, when I had to take her to get an abortion... ya know mom stuff.

however I have learned from lots of people that knew BM that the kids are way better off with DH than they ever would have been with BM. She was fun time loving mom. Not parenting mom. They would have gone to crap schools, lived in filthy conditions and remained in section 8 housing. SD would have not had a car, college $, a $500 prom dress etc. 

thats not saying a mothers love could be replaced but.... BM would of been head over heels when SD got prego at 18 with a loser liar guy she was dating for a month. And she would have encouraged SD to get section 8 and welfare. 

So I used to feel that way, but not really anymore.