I've found that my DH listens to me a lot more when I  to back up a claim against BM or my in laws. We have both been reading into manipulative behaviors and how to effectively set up boundaries with the people who try to take advantage of us.

I thought I would share a few of the manipulation tactics that we have read about because I see them being used all the time by BM in our situation and in the posts I see here. Being able to identify when somebody is manipulating you helps you shut it down and take back control of the situation.

Fear then relief - in this method the manipulator will do something to upset their target and make them either fearful or anxious and then immediately walk it back. The rapid shift in mood makes the target more likely to give in to requests.

BM definitely uses this one on my DH. Usually it is a vague message sent around dinner time that makes my DH worry that there is some sort of emergency involving SD. One time BM texted my DH right before she had her annual gyno appointment. He called her right back but she had just walked into the doctor's office so she replied "I can't talk I'm at the hospital" which made him worried that there was something wrong and he fretted about it for the next hour until she called him back. She then told him that it was just a regular appointment and proceeded to ask him for more money. 

Foot in the door - for this manipulation technique the manipulator gets the target to do a small favor for them before asking for a larger one. 

BM frequently does this one as well. She will message my DH asking for a document or something like that, and then follow up with something bigger. The last time BM did this she asked for a copy of SD's insurance card (which also incorporates the fear then relief manipulation because it made my DH worry that SD needed to go to the doctor) after getting the document scanned she then asked if he would give up his next custody time so she could take SD on a vacation, and oh could she have CS early before the vacation?

Social exchange - quite similar to the foot in the door however in this one the manipulator does a small favor and then asks the target to do them a larger favor. 

An example of this would be when VM is suddenly being very nice and sharing pictures of SD when she normally wouldn't. She was just buttering up my DH before asking for more money.