Help! 10yr old SS ={
Ugh where to start. 4 months ago I became full-time SM to a 10yr old SS. I have 2 BioDaughters. 13 and 7 months. Thanks to BioMoM CPS and courts my husband and I (or just I dad works alot) gained full custody to a traumatized weird slow lazy shy fearful incapable incompetent unhealthy lil boy who i have spent the last 5 years of his life Honesty trying to help care for. I solely have been the one advocating for his health and well-being to his father who knew the Biological mom was an alcoholic and abusive but who had 100% power n control over whether he could see his son and when and how. I have time n time again confronted biomom over his cleanliness diet (overweight verge of diabetes doctor said) Mom gives his soda n junk let's him stay up unsupervised all night. (Something sexual happened to him) And hide has NO correct sense of personal boundaries or physically appropriate behavior. This drives me nuts because I have a 7 month old baby who im fearful to leave alone with him or even let him hold her because he's weird in how he looks at her and try to kiss her neck it seems sexual to me n calls her his love I try explaining personal bubble space to him and dad thinks I'm picking on him or im crazy but I know what I see n hear he says weird things like making me pay (he thinks I am why his mom is a horrible woman and why his dad left ) i fear for the baby but caint possibly tell my husband because he has to see these things himself but the behavior is bad even my friend who has a 7 year old daughter told me he says weird things under his breath at her house n he was caught trying to hump her 7 year old (im so embarrassed and thank God she's a good friend and has helped me so much ) he lies alot uses manipulation crying acting hurt so people feel bad for him he's a huge baby incapable of the most simple tasks dad use to spank him alot but it hasn't helped so I told him to stop its at a point he needs theropy but the therapist told my husband there's nothing wrong normal little boy. he's not normal thought something is wrong and I use distance to leave him with his dad alot its been helping dad sees things but still not the creepy predator sexual stuff I see n I dnt know how to tell my husband I love him and don't want him to think I'm picking on his kid but damn between my husband and the Biomom this boy is fucked up and stepmom clueless2stepparent 
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If SS was sexually abused, and has received no therapy,
If SS was sexually abused, and has received no therapy, he is at a very high risk of sexually abusing another child. He is already on that path since he was caught acting inappropriately with another child.
You need to have a "come to Jesus" conversation with your DH where you lay out what needs to happen in order for SS to stay in your house. The child needs therapy, now. DH needs to hire someone to help watch him when he is not there. If DH refuses, you need to contemplate leaving in order to protect your other children. You would have to make sure you had full custody as you would not be able to trust leaving your child with DH and SS.
In the mean time, you can never leave SS with your baby unsupervised - ever. I know that is a tall order, but it is up to you to protect your child since DH has no interest in doing so.
DH needs to stop any sort of physical punishment, that is only going to make things worse.
finnaly got a Theripist
thank god DH has noticed so many of the things that drove me crazy about SS. He seen him lie manipulate and hide bad things like watching porn n posting a nasty video on a tic tok account dad has stopped the spanking and yelling even I think he finally gets it his kid is traumatized n seems to act bad but really it's the years of neglect and abuse he's been through but both parents. Dad started fishing with him thank God n I finally got a therapist who will see him she remembers me calling 3 times 6 months ago n she told me I have to leave the abuse out n the cps just talk about all the changes and how that makes him feel. I've been also working with teaching him how to over come his anxiety n Fear n the lying oh i hate that. I've been trying to build a sense of pride in him he's just very manipulative it kinda makes me sick its a trait his mother has . he looks just like her too ugh. I do care about him because he is just a kid he didn't ask for any of this he deserves love n to be taken care of all kids do. so I'm still here still trying to step parent hence the name clueless2stepparent lol
the therapist told my husband
I realize that this is not your bio child, but you are the primary caregiver and there are younger siblings. The therapist should have spoken to you too. I wonder if DH glossed over his son's behavior when speaking to the therapist.
You need to insist on speaking to the therapist.
yesssss
At first dad didn't see all the things I seen because he was with me primarily I started disassociating with ss n dad too it worked they both started treatme different ss even started feeding himself making his bed making us both lunch I mean I think he gets that if he wants to be My kid (he has no real option) he has to behave like kid not a brat lol thank God dad spent alot more time n seen what I was complaining about n we decided to work together to help him through this
Listen to your instincts and
Listen to your instincts and don't let anyone tell you that you are being paranoid.
Is SS seeing a therapist now? Can you find a new one that will listen to your concerns?
Are you sure the therapist
Are you sure the therapist told your husband the kid was normal? Did you hear it yourself, or is that what your H is telling you? If you and others are seeing signs that he's not normal, and there's some sexual abuse there, it's hard to believe that a therapist would tell your H the kid is normal and doesn't need therapy.
How often are you alone with the child? After school? Weekends? Constantly? Is there someone else who can watch the SS? H's parents? An after school program? Do you work outside the home or plan to? Does BM ever have the kid since your H got full custody?
I agree and yes to almost all
I agree and yes to almost all ur qs theripsaid unless he had depression or anxiety right now because of covid they are limited they won't book him. Im sure H isn't telling them everything bcuz he doesn't See Everything I had him just me doing in home my home supervised visit for mom n him while dad worked. I was home anyway after the baby but it was tough on me because I wasn't even sure what I was noticing im gonna do another post on how I used every ones ideas n came up with a solution tonight
Doesn't See everything !Exactly
You are so right i started leaving with my girls n leaving ss with dad and he DID start seeing things but still he doesn't wanna believe his son is capable of bad at all. I sat down with ss straight n told him If he lies manipulates or trys to do anything to hurt his sister I will Know because I'm a witch I see n know everything. When he is being Sneeky or Lying I Know. and while he is Living under my roof in my rules its best he TRYs hard to be honest and Never hurt his sister its his job to protect her and I love him very much he is with me n his dad because we love him n whatever happened to him im sorry if people hurt you I will never let that happen while your with me. BUT the lying manipulation and sneaky nasty little is unacceptable period. He has come back from his moms in better moods n is actually happy to see me its hard so freaking hard I know he doesn't have any one but me and I resent my husband and biomom so much for neglecting him and for turning him into this traumatized lil boy its heartaching. But if he is ginna be just like them both all my enegwry is being drained n waisted I have a moody 13 year old n a new baby I need to focus my energy on not repairing a 10 year old I had nothing to do with damaging
I'm finding myself loving my husband less n less as qe continue to fight with bio mom over schedule and money ( dad use to give mom 600 a month ) now she won't help us at all n taxes stimulus all that she collected i can fight it sure but man God im tierd. tierd of it all cps the biomom the step son and his constant needs ( clingy whiny afraid of his own shadow weird awkward and just annoying) not how I'd raise my son n everyone days he is yours but no no he isn't. The moment mom or dad give him attention he turns into a manipulator. Im evil stepmom who won't let him eat to much candy n watch TV all day I make him do chores and play outside im horrible. Dad n I fight over him doing 3 lil chores away its a rule in our home. wake up do 3 chores to help me and I give him easy stuff n he huffs n puffs well use to anyway since my chat he is behaving wayyyyyy better only problem is he's still has it embedded in him to sneak n lie im just tierd im not sure I love my husband anymore for putting me through all this drama I dnt wNna be. good person I dnt wanna be a stepmom I feel like they get a free pass n I get all the dirty real parenting duties