13 yo stepson locked himself away and banged the door
My 13 yo stepson hasn't been doing his homework. He got in trouble,and was being a you-know-what to his mom, who lost her temper and yelled at him. We come home, he locks himself in bathroom and spends several hours banging the door just to be annoying and make us angry.
I finally manage to trick him into coming out and he's bawling his eyes out. I'm so angry I'm shaking, not just because of the door banging but his general behavior and mean spiritedness, and the fact he made his mom cry.
Somehow I managed to remain mostly calm. I am not an angry man. Quite the opposite, and I neverlose my temper or resort to violence. I've never wanted to give someone a slap so bad as I did tonight. Of course I didn't, though. That would be horrible of me.
Anyway, things are mostly calmed down now. I'm hecking exhausted. So ------- tired. I just needed to vent.
Most of the time I feel like I have no idea how to parent, especially with my SS's inability to control his damn temper. And being an expat halfway around the world from my own family makes it even worse. Like, god damn....
Anyway, pizza is on the way, my SS is quiet, and hopefully the rest of the evening can be somewhat peaceful.
I can understand your
I can understand your frustration. Personally I wouldn't be able to tolerate any child diplaying that level of anger. There would have been serious consequences if he had been a child or step child of mine - for a 13 yr old boy I think removing his devices/phone for a week would have been appropriate. I would also be looking into anger management for him.
Thank you, guys. No devices
Thank you, guys. No devices and anger management is def on the table now. He needs his phone so he can call his mom after school and let her know he got home alright, but a landline might be inorder...and even then, whois to say he wil call/pick up?
This morning he was still mad, and after we left and he got off at the school bus stop, he kept calling mywife's phone, and when she picked up he wouldn't say anything at all. She'd hangup, rinse and repeat about 20 times.
Usually we getalong fairly wellwith him and my wife is a goodperson who tries her best and raises him with love. But then he has random outbursts like this when he getsin trouble, acting like a five year old...
She doesn't usually cry. Last night was just too much for her I think. I can't even describe how much it hurt me seeing her like that, and I feel likeI'm failing her as far as helping her with him.
We live in MO. The dad lives in MN. We're going up there to visit and let themsee each other in a couple weeks.
It's been YEARS since the last time they did see each other, because the dad is a (supposedly rehabbed) alcoholic with similar anger management issues. They do talk over the phone though.
But the dad lost his rights to have SS come up there bc three years ago when he did, the dad got drunk with his gf, fought with her, choked her in front ofSS and had the police called on him. SS ran to neighbour and they called the police.
Like I said, though, he's gone through rehab and anger management training, so my wife wants to let SS see him in controlled circumstances.
Why are you the one parenting
Why are you the one parenting this kid, that's your SO's job.
Next time, call the police and have him taken to the hospital for a mental health evaluation - though chances are good that the minute they walk into the house, he will come out of the bathroom.
After this display, he then got pizza? Did he get any consequences? Does he have a therapist? A good one can help you guys with how to manage him. And where is his father?
Well, he and my wife was a
Well, he and my wife was a package deal, and it was pretty much agreed on when we married that I would hep with him, especially with his father being so far away.
He didn't really eat anything when he came out. Wr made him finish his homework and after that we pretty much said ---- it and went to bed bc it wad getting late anyway.
But after this display I'll definitely be pushing for a therapist. I've had enough of this bullsht behavior.
Well - it doesn't work
Well - it doesn't work generally for the stepparent to come in and be the heavy. Your wife has to do that part, and you can back her up (if the father isn't the type who will entertain complaints from his son about how abusive you are - if he is, then that's off the table, too).
Your wife needs to crack down on this kid. He doesn't get a phone anymore if he's going to harass her with it. Seems like he knows how to push her buttons, and he isn't going to listen to you ("you aren't my father" is the typical refrain), so she needs to get stronger.
A good therapist will help with parenting strategies.
That really is good advise.
That really is good advise. Thank you. I will take all the advise I can get at this point.
And I really think a therapist is going to have to happen, at least for a while. Any parenting strategies they can offer will also be a huge help.
Just be sure to find one who
Just be sure to find one who will do Family Therapy and not just meet alone with him.
At this point, since he's harassing her with the phone, it needs to go - so if she's nervous that he's home without a phone, pay a neighborhood teenager to sit there with him. He's clearly not mature enough to be home alone anyway.
Sounds like it will be tough for your wife to get stronger and become a firmer parent, but it really, really is essential. You can't do that piece for her, and the father can't either, apparently.
With these little shits a
With these little shits a reprieve from their crappy behavior is not the way to go. Raining down a full campaign of abject misery on their darling little heads is the only thing that consistently modifies their crappy behavior.
Time to give the little turd clarity that his manipulative tantrum throwing crap only makes his life even more miserable.
Yeah, I'll talk to my wife
Yeah, I'll talk to my wife about this, and we'll work through it.
I want to make clear, most of the time, he's your average, lazy but really quite nice kid. I get along fine with him, he talks way too much for my tired Swedish brain, but it's fine...but then there's these odd occasions of behaving like a raving mad five year old.
I'm just afraid this'll get worse and maybe even tear mine snd my wife's marriage apart. I don't want that, obviously.
Unfortunately you are drinking the cool aid
Take his phone away. No excuses about having to call his mother. He is controlling the house. This kid needs mental help. Unfortunately if his father is mental unstable, this may be passed along to this kid. You have to find out now, you may have to get him on meds.
This way is not working. You have to do something, anything