First a bit of background, my partner and I have been together since Feb 2008, we both left unhappy marriages to be together, I know that will not sit well with some people but I don’t feel it would be right to miss that fact out. I have never had any children of my own due to fertility problems. My partner has two children – a daughter aged 9 and a son aged 6. His Ex insisted on him telling the children that he was leaving and would be living with another woman. I expect she thought this would colour the children’s view of me and of their Dad. It didn’t. The children insisted on meeting me and initially we all got on like a house on fire. At the time we were having the children for a few hours after school on a Wednesday and we would have them for one overnight stay every weekend 6pm – 6pm alternating Saturdays and Sundays.

Anyway, during the Summer SD complained a few times that her mother had verbally abused her swearing at her and calling her a little b*tch because of things she had told us. She also complained that her mother had pulled her hair and slapped her. My partner and I were concerned – the children were used to being chastised with a smack when he had lived there and his ex had on several occasions slapped and kicked him (hence the leaving an unhappy marriage). Anyway, we decided to tackle the hair pulling incident by checking the facts again with SD – she can be a bit of a dramatic child and likes to play her parents off against each other. So the next time they came over we were going to gently check the facts then decide what to do. I was in the kitchen and SD came in, she told me she wanted to show me something then she pulled up her dress to reveal a hand shaped bruise on her hip. She proceeded to tell me her mother had lost her temper and slapped her 3 days previously. Anyway, to cut a long story short we involved the police and social services and the bio mother got a serious talking to, we chose not to press charges.
Due to the intervention of social services etc my partner and the ex started mediation to talk through the hostility etc and things calmed down and the contact was changed to an arrangement of week 1 Tuesday and Thursday after school week 2 Tuesday after school then Friday through to Sunday.

That is pretty much where my problem started. We did one weekend stay and then we took the children on holiday for a week. I hated it, every second of it. I found the children spoiled, fussy and ungrateful – I have managed to work round the fact they were fussy as anything when I didn’t spend much time with them in a row. A week of having one or both of them whining because they didn’t like xyz on their plate or they didn’t want to go to xyz place did my head in. The holiday was costing a fortune – we went on day trips every day and ate out every night and all the ungrateful little brats did was whine. Before I continue ranting I should point out up until this point I had happily told both kids I loved them and they had told me the same.

The worsed thing was SD she is the most attention seeking child I have ever met, she can have tantrums like a 2 year old which I find completely unacceptable in a 9 year old. SS also is prone to tantrums but doesn’t seek attention.
I couldn’t go anywhere or do anything on my own. SD would be banging on the bathroom door if I just went for a pee. She would push herself between me and her dad if we just tried to get a hug. She would be in our bed at 6.30 in the morning. It drove me crazy.

I would love to say that things were fine again when we got back off holiday but they aren’t. I spend the weekend they are with us getting more and more angry and p*ssed off with never having time just for me and my partner. I am have got more and more sick of trying to cook tasty healthy meals and just have SD pull faces and say she doesn’t like it. We have pretty much cured SS of his fussyness, he will now eat pretty much everything I put in front of him. I still cant do anything on my own, if I go up to our bedroom for space she is banging on the door within minutes. I have had to ban her coming in the bedroom in the morning because I got sick of her coming in between 6 -7 am and waking me up – she didn’t wake her father. If I tried to ignore her and pretend I was asleep she would start pulling my hair. She listens in to every conversation I have with her Dad, she even questions who I am talking to when my work mobile rings. She tries reading my work emails over my shoulder, she goes through my bedside table and she will not let me and her Dad go and have a private conversation. If we say we need to have a chat we will be a few minutes she will actually time 2 minutes then be back again. She answers us back and speaks to us like we are dirt. A few weeks ago I was having a lie down as I had severe stomach pains, she actually told her father to make me go and lie somewhere else because she wanted to play in the room I was in so I should move. SS still throws tantrums but they are a lot less frequent. To be fair SD has pretty much stopped the tantrums but sadly not the attention seeking.

I am dreading this weekend as SD has an extension till 9.30 not particularly late I know but other half and I get up at 5am all week, by 10.30 we are falling asleep so I really resent that I only get an hour of time with partner. This weekend coming I am going out for the day to see my nieces – I need a break from SD. But other half wants SD to stay up as a special treat on that day until 10.30, I am not going to see him all day then I have to put up with SD until I go to bed. I have tried to explain to him how I feel about the fact I wont get any time with him but he cant understand why that matters because he sees a lot more of me than he does of the kids. I end up feeling selfish and needy.

The kids still tell me they love me (especially after they have been naughty!) and my partner tells me I am a great stepmum but I just spend all my time feeling lousy for being angry at SD all the time and not being able to explain why. I dread them arriving at the house because I know SD is going to grab me and hug me – how stupid is that?? I hate arriving home if they are already there for the same reason I want to go in and hug my partner and SD will be there at the front door waiting for a hug and I resent that. The poor little kid wants to give me a hug and I am getting annoyed with her, it doesn’t make any sense.
Apologies for the long rambling…