I have had an "interesting" relationship with my 9 year old SD so far. She has been in my life for 14 months. The first 4 months or so were good, we got on well but as I have said on a previous post we then all went on holiday together and omg was that a revelation. Anyway, we came back off holiday (with me swearing never again) and things just got worse and worse. January this year I started counselling as I really could not deal with her behaviour - tantrums, attention seeking, nasty comments, back chat etc. I was working through things quite well with my counsellor when SD was especially unpleasant one evening reducing me to tears in the middle of the supermarket carpark. Her father and I sat her down and we had a long chat. Lots of things came out of that chat and we seemed to be making some progress. One of the things she said was that I never spend time with her. Not really surprising when she has pulled my hair, pinched me, slapped me and been verbally unpleasant. We agreed we would trial me spending 1 hour every other weekend doing something with her. We talked over with her how much damage had been done over the last few months and how we both had to make an effort but that things would take time to heal.

Anyway, this lasted around two weekend trips. SD completely forgot the agreement was 1 hour every other weekend we had them and demands time with me whenever she is at our house. After everything that has happened I just don't like the child and I have no desire to spend time with her. The problem is she has decided that is what she wants and it seems I dont have much say in it. We are now in a viscious circle of her demanding attention and me refusing to give it. We had them this weekend, it went like this...

Friday night SD being moody all evening, I mention in a conversation to my fiance that I need to go out briefly the next day. SD immediately asks if she can come and I tell her no sorry I need to be quick and I will be quicker alone. SD becomes more moody. B (fiance) notices she is being moody and eventually makes her talk to him where she announces she thinks I prefer her brother to her, B explains that SS is easier to deal with he is not clingy, he does not demand my attention and when he is naughty it tends to be over and done with very rapidly but with SD she tends to continue misbehaving for several hours. B also explains that I do not like one more than the other I just find SS easier. SD seems to accept this and is reasonable until SS goes to bed where she becomes clingy again - by this I mean forcing herself physically onto me insisting I have cuddles I dont want and trying to kiss me on the mouth which I loathe, I have had problems with her touching me completely inappropriately although this has stopped. However I cant stand the kissing on the mouth I find it completely inappropriate and an invasion of my personal space. Finally she went to bed after further cuddling, kissing and telling me she loves me, I cannot reciprocate that sentiment and I dont believe her when she says that to me.

Saturday - B got up and went downstairs to sort out the kids breakfast, I stayed in bed 10 mins longer then went to shower. I was getting ready when SD stands outside my door asking to know what I was doing, I replied I was getting ready (I wanted to tell her to mind her own business). She camps outside the bedroom door for 20 minutes. I continue dressing, straightening my hair doing my make up etc. SD again asks what I am doing, I am now feeling hemmed in and pissed off. I reply I am getting ready. She asks why I sound upset, I stop myself telling her that is because she is stalking me. When I emerge from the bedroom another 15 mins later she is standing in her bedroom watching my room door just waiting for me to come out. I run downstairs like a frightened rabbit to B. I sit down for breakfast she comes down sits opposite me and stares at me continually while I eat my breakfast. I ask her to stop. She then tells me I look nice, my hair is nice, I am pretty etc and continues to stare at me. I again ask her to stop staring at me, thank her for the compliments and suggest she goes and does something more fun. She again asks to come to the shop with me, I again refuse (I need the space by now). I try to say a rapid goodbye to B and escape the house, she flings herself at me demanding kisses & cuddles. SS just yells bye (I like that!). I return from shopping SD follows me round the house going everywhere I go about 6 inches away from me. I stand filing a broken nail with her virtually standing on my foot getting poked in the eye with the nail file. I point out to her that I would prefer if she didnt stand so close to me all the time. B decides to wash the car and asks the kids to help, I go out to mow the grass. SD washes the car then decides I need help, I dont I am enjoying the solitude of me and a strimmer!! I insist SD stays off the grass meaning I have around 20 feet of personal space. I go to stand talking to B, SD stands between me and him just staring at me. I again ask her to stop staring at me, I ask her why she is staring at me and what is wrong. She says nothing I try and explain to her how uncomfortable she is making me feel, B also tries to talk to her again about it reminding her about the conversation he had with her the night before. I go upstairs to do something, B comes up to ask if I am ok, SD stands outside the bedroom door trying to listen to our conversation. B reminds her we have a house rule about privacy. I breathe a huge sigh of relief when she goes to bed.

Sunday We have a family day out. At this point I am absolutely totally and utterly fed up of being followed, virtually stood on, stared at and questioned about everything - why did you have cereal for breakfast, you like that cereal dont you, your hair looks nice did you straighten it again? I like that t shirt is it new? etc etc. We go for a picnic everytime I sit down SD is either staring at me or sitting so she is virtually on my lap. If she is not doing that she is virtually sitting on B's lap. Finally 6 o'clock arrives and I am released from what feels like torture as they go back to their mother.

I am sorry for the very long and probably very dull post but I am frustrated and fed up with this. I am dreading tomorrow as we have them from 3.30 till 7. We had them last night and I got the same thing staring, comments on aspects of my behaviour as though she knows everything about me, questioning whether or not things I have said are correct etc. I have said to B that I dont want to see them every time they are with us as I dont get chance to have a break and cool down with the anger and frustration. We are getting married later this year and as well as the obvious excitement about marrying the man I love I am thinking wooo hooo a two week honeymoon with no kids. I do need to make clear that whilst at the moment SD really is ticking me off I do actually want to be able to have a normal, pleasant relationship with her as I do with her brother. What I cant stand is the feeling I am living my life under her microscope where whatever I do, say, wear, want etc is her business. When we told her and her brother we were getting married she told me that I had no choice in my dress or the bridesmaids dresses or anything else to do with the wedding, she was choosing everything. B had to intervene to remind her it was his and my wedding and not hers before she insisted I dressed like a pink meringue. And Breathe.....