Well, some of this is certainly your DH's doing. Cash, with no receipts, and trade for spousal support? What was he thinking?

I am sorry that you now have to stress over his stupidity and enmeshment with BM.

Did he also leave his brain with her?

To try and work with what you have in front of you, a change in circumstances does work both ways.  Didn't I read something about a Workers Comp settlement?  That is an issue on her side that has to be taken into consideration and may go to show that she does not have the need for an extension of spousal support.  There is also the posting on social media of her extravagant spending which I would preserve before someone with a brain tells her to wipe it.

I agree with the others that paying her in cash, even with receipts, is not smart.  I don't even want to touch paying her in recently legal substances.  While it may have become legal, I can't imagine bringing that into the argument will make either one of them look credible.  And if you get the wrong judge, he could consider what your DH was doing a sale without a license since he was getting a monetary value for the product.  I would talk to an atty about the wisdom of continuing that right away.

He is a nice, hardworking man who is afraid of what his ex can do to him.

He wouldn't need to be afraid of her if he had done things properly.

I would be so fed up at this point, I would tell him to work on her car, hang her mirrors, decorate her apartment, and whatever else she wanted him to do, just leave me out of it.

Please tell me your DH saves his texts from BM? Didn't she just text him demanding he give her CS early for her to spend on her Hawaii vaca? Having her written discussions/requests/demands for early CS might just save his a$$. Your DH might also consider creating texts convos where he can discuss CS with BM, getting further proof that she does indeed get regular CS.

If your DH doesn't pull his head out soon, I don't know what you can do, Clove. But I sure as h@ll would find ways to make him feel the pain. What an IDIOT!

When I met DH he was paying CS in cash. Then he paid in money orders. He didn't like paying with checks because sometimes BM would take forever to cash them. I hit the roof and told him he was an idiot. 

BM tried to claim that he didn't pay her for the first two years after the divorce, but I found an email where she told him he was paying her $6 less than she was entitled to and she multiplied the $6 by all the months he'd paid. Since the email had a date on it, I gave it to DH's lawyer as proof that he had been paying. She was also wrong about th $6 he was actually overpaying her by nearly $20 a month. 

I too, am the only one who organized DH's papers. I think between DH, BM, and me only one of us has read their full agreement...and that's me!

Sounds like a tough spot. Untracked cash and weed? Are you kidding me? I don't think a court will recognize the spousal support given so if she chooses to, she could possibly extend it through letigious action, or sue for back spousal support.  CS can also be raised as it appears DH was lowballing it w the temporary permission of toxic troll.

She's right in that she can raise the stakes on CS, as per the language of the documents you've read.

So..... Realize what this means. He will be enmeshed w toxic troll for many years to come, she's holding a hammer over his head.

Wow that went in the wrong direction rather quickly.

I'm on the fence about the alimony portion of things.  That there's a notarized statement makes me think that was simply incorporated (or amended) into the agreement.  It leads me to believe there are no additional statements in the decree.  Which means its probably modifiable.  Especially if it was granted in a separate filing after the divorce was final.  Even if that's the case there is some good news.

1.  She has previously, repeatedly acknowledged receipt of payment, even if inadvertently.  That is in his favor if you guys have managed to save any of it.

2.  If she's not yet resolved her disability claim (or whatever it is she's got going) she can't so easily claim proof of disability as the need behind the modification, in theory.

3.  Her extremely poor financial decisions that seem to be on repeat like her favorite track could go either way, but that means it could also go in his favor.

4.  Its not retroactive, just to the filing date if it is modified in her favor.

For the deviation I think he is probably SOL.  If its true that a deviation was made and agreed upon, and that course correcting only requires one to file the request, it doesn't seem like he's got a leg to stand on there.

Personally I think his best bet is to tell her to pound sand on the car repairs forevermore (once the rest of the mess is settled).  That leash needs to be cut or she will forever yank it. 

He should pay child support as calculated without deviation and he should pay it through SDU so there is not only record but he doesn't have to deal with BM on it.  

Upping CS for 5 more years (60 months) is going to be cheaper than the legal costs to fight it, his actual labor costs at fair market value for the multitude of repairs and most importantly, his (and your) sanity and freedom.

For the alimony 1.  Typically you're looking at half the length of the marriage.  2.  Where child support is involved alimony calculation is considered after CS is addressed.  3.  Rough estimate would be 40% of his net monthly income - 50% BMs.  

Her income would be the unknown here but you can get an idea as to whether or not she's just blowing smoke based on a worst case scenario with the numbers.

Get a hold of that decree and verify what he's looking at for alimony.  If she's the one with leverage he can try to negotiate permanently closing the door on alimony for corrected child support.  She may go for it as alimony will still be modifiable should his situation change, potentially have an end date earlier than CS for another 5 years and she won't have legal costs beyond the filing fee (or have her dirty financial laundry aired in court).  Just make sure that this time it is a closed issue.

Different state but the wording in SOs decree is: "No Uniform Spousal Support Order is being entered in this case, as no spousal support is being ordered.  No spousal support is awarded to either party and spousal support for both parties is forever barred as to both parties."

If it turns out the decree is all sorts of vague, skip the paralegal route and spend the couple hundred dollars to have a (decent) licensed attorney review/suggest changes before submitting to the court.

It sounds all sorts of bad based on your update but there is still opportunity for you guys to keep it from going completely sideways.

Weed isn't a "gray area", it's a legally licensed & taxable business. So this idiot is a street dealer, with no license, who has ZERO standing to say he gave/sold his ex weed, in lieu of Spousal Support. You obviously have no clue how much legal trouble he can get in for this. Even in our area of California. The city & state governments want their cut & they only get that through licensing, background checks, interviews, etc (all the fees) & taxes imposed on marijuana sales. He's screwed.

Moreover, he's not "unsophisticated", he's an idiot. He was advised by a Paralegal & YOU to get receipts & didn't. That isn't "unsophisticated", that's an idiot.

Moreover, you trust & believe him but he's a drug dealer who deals to his ex-wife, he's not a great guy, obviously. So you may as well consider that maybe he DIDN'T pay her, the months he doesn't have receipts for. 

We got tired of the CS drama.  Mainly their pittance in CS dribbling in $20 here & $10 there to the CSE office until they had paid the $133/mo just in time for the next months CS to be due.  After 9 years of this crap I finally got DW to file for a CS review and to implement direct payroll withholding.  That sent the SpermIdiot into apoplexy.  Instead of SpetmGrand hag paying his CS to the CSE office he had to beg her to reimburse him for the CS taken out of his pay checks.  He had to cry to mommy every month.  We no longer had a few dollars here and there dribbling in.  The money was never critical for us but the direct withholding eliminated a ton of aggravation.

I'm not often at a loss for words so give me a minute or two.....

Okay. Do you see a therapist? If not, I wish you would. I've read most of your posts and there are so many red flags in your life that I just want to grab you and scream in your face and say "WAKE THE F*CK UP". Sorry. You have unhealthy attachments. This is not a judgment, trust me; I speak from experience. 

Any decision tends to be made with the information available at the time and second guessing is rarely time well spent.

In the case of what your DH agreed to, I can't see where it was a good decision in any light.

Good luck C.  I truly hope that you can keep DH's head in the game and mitigate as many of the risks as possible.  I would expect her to file for a CS mod and get, for all practical purposes, the same deal she had before only relabled as CS rather than a combination of CS and SS.  This time I truly hope that DH gets his head out of his butt, cuts her off from his services and pays her through the CSE system so he does not continue to expose himself and  you to the risk of TT crying to the courts that he has not paid CS.  His cash with no documentation model is insane.  At the very least he has to go to writting her checks for his CS with it clearly noted as "MARCH CHILD SUPPORT" in the comment line.  I suggest that you get a box of carbon copy checks so that there is absolute physical proof of how much was sent and what it was for.  That carbon copy book of checks can be corelated to the bank statement when she deposits it.

Good luck and take care of you.