"You need to put the kids first!!!" - Holiday edition
If you've read some of my other blogs, you know about my meddling MIL and what a terrible drama fest Christmas is every year thanks to BM's insistence that she get the children EVERY CHRISTMAS EVE...even though she and her lawyer recently agreed to and signed an agreement stating that they alternate Christmas every year (giving each parent from 9am on December 23rd through 6pm on December 27th every other year). Since signing the agreement, BM has ignored most of the things they agreed to and vowed not to follow the Christmas provision.
Just today, DH gets an email saying how upset SSs are that they ar not "doing what they've always done" for Christmas (by which she means what they've always done for the last five years, because this is the sixth Christmas since DH and BM's divorce). And telling DH, "you need to put the kids first and do what they want!!" Keep in mind, they are spending all of Christmas with her *this year*, so really, she's just raging about Christmas 2020 (and 2022 and 2024, as she has pointed out in several previous emails).
I should mention that this latest email was in response to DH adding the dates over New Year's (they alternate having the kids from 9am on December 30th through 6pm on January 2nd) to their joint calendar on Our Family Wizard. January 2nd falls on a Thursday and then DH's weekend starts on Friday, the 3rd, so of course, BM responds, "I don't think you're entitled to have them for a full 7 days and I know they won't want to spend that much time with you!" This is the same woman who two years ago told DH, "it's unfair that you don't take them at all over Christmas break and I have to take all of that time off from work!!" Because in their previous agreement, DH had SSs from 10am on December 25th through 6pm on December 26th.
I'm so over this borderline raging...I told DH I'm not celebrating Christmas anymore...he, crazy BM, whiny SSs, and DH's toxic family can all go off and do "what they've always done" and I'll just create a new solo tradition for myself.
- strugglingSM's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Ignore the whore. Follow the
Ignore the whore. Follow the CO and ignore her deranged rants.
I would drop the rope if I
I would drop the rope if I were your Dh. Let bm have them as much as she wants.
Well, wait, I thought she
Well, wait, I thought she wanted to get along, and co-parent, and be friends, and yada, yada, yada.
She is a real bitch. And so full of it.
Apparently, she has already
Apparently, she has already forgotten about her vow to "focus on kindness"...don't even think it lasted a month.
Haha! She has apparently lost
Haha! She has apparently lost focus.
She has Borderline
She has Borderline Personality Disorder - that's how it works. They flip-flop from idealizing to devaluing. So today it's "Let's go to counseling together to be friends" and tomorrow it's "I hate you and the kids do, too."
Imagine what these poor kids have to put up with.
Tog, several counselors have
Tog, several counselors have told me that she has "borderline tendencies" and the marriage counselor they saw during their divorce said the same thing to DH. However, I still I find myself thinking, "am I the one being crazy? what if I'm just being too sensitive" because DH's whole family is always telling us how she's a "good person" and "just protecting the kids"...gaslighting at it's finest. I need to just say to myself, "regardless of who believes you, you know she is borderline and you need to build a bigger wall between her and you." It's difficult when the Skids bring it into my home...but I just have to keep fortifying myself.
I do sometimes have sympathy for SSs because they have to put up with her, but they also seem to feed in to all of her demands...a survival mechanism, I guess. This week, I said to DH, "now we know why SS texted you about him wanting to go to counseling with her...she's been raging about Christmas 2020 all week." I'm sure SS is really saying, "dad, please save me from all this by taking her on, instead of me." DH used to do that when he was first divorced, he once told me, "if I let her yell at me, then maybe she'll be nicer to the kids." She has a husband herself, let him be her object of blame.
Well, some people may only
Well, some people may only see her well-behaved side, so they don't really know who she is. BM here (who IMO is an NPD/BPD hybrid) fooled everyone, and we had to just remind ourselves that they didn't see the things that we saw.
You know the truth of who she is. The therapists you've told have validated your reality, so go with it. Yes, the kids get caught up in it because she's so emotional and they want to make her feel better. So DH should not get caught up in it at all. Just ignore and follow the CO.
Face it, your husbands family weren’t living with her daily
So they truly do not have perspective on her borders personality disorder because she likely played a show for them how lovely and nice she was
in my case my il’s saw the exwifes true behaviour, she’d go to my hubbys family home for holidays and everyone enjoying themselves and then scream how she couldn’t stand this anymore and demanded to be driven back home. Yup she screamed in front of all the little niece and nephews.
My elderly fil came to visit and its part of asian hospitality and respect of family elders to greet your family elders and provide even a glass of water (if your fridge is stocked up as usual anything can be whipped up), my hubbys exwife opened the front door with a pissed off look, didn’t say anything, stepped away and locked herself in the bedroom. I have been with a 7 month old infant and fil in his 80s had arrived in our town and hubby messaged me from work sayig how much he missed our daughter and wanted to see her and was on the way. It was no biggie for me. I had conveniently enough baked a cake that morning and made a pot of tea for them and my sil’s and niece nephews played with my daughter.
so my ils saw a big difference between me and hubby’s ex because she had no shame hiding her psychoness. That and the fact neighbors told my sil she was torturing and abusing the kids and hobagging around while my husband was hard at work as the sole income earner...
eventually my fil who was in his mid 70s saw my husband had been miserable his whole married life with the ex that one day he told him, you need to divorce her!! She’s destroying and abusing you daily, she hasn’t supported you in your career one bit but rather tried to sabotage it everyday. When my fil said that it was a big weight lifted off my hubby, he had for a long time held it out for the sake of his 3 kids thinking it was for the best except these kids were in an unhealthy home environment that was doing no one any good.
you and your husband know the truth, the smart people see right through the bs
I dealt with that for the
I dealt with that for the past 14 years. Its easier to ignore as the kids get older. Its rough wiht the little ones.
BM has mind control over SS20 and its so obvious she using the man/child to guilt DSO all the time because SS20 is his favorite. SS20 is just like her and can be manipulated by her easily.
So like the crazy BM here!
It's honestly exhausting watching this in action. If your DH can't keep a lid on her nonsense so it doesn't bother you, then a Spa holiday it is IMO!
Screenshot the court order/agreement
As per your legal agreement “THAT YOU MADE AND AGREED TO”, this is what will happen this year, i have the kids, there is nothing to discuss further. Then go cold turkey.. these manipulative bitches just are all over the place playing victim and oh its for the kids. The fact daddy wants to spend time with his kids is friggin putting them first you du*b ho!! People like this just anger me to my core
Have had the same problem
My SKs BM would do the same thing. She'd claim it was "tradition" for the kids to spend every holiday with her. She'd get the kids upset and it wasn't there fault. They see her throwing a major fit and lose her s@!& and they get worked up because she's upset.
Stick to your guns. If its in the divorce she has to do it or return to court and you can remind her of that. Thats why she's using the kids to manipulate you.
Be understanding to the kids. Tell them there can't be a tradition for one parent to have the kids. Both parents want them equally for cmas but only one can have them. You only get to see them when the divorce says you can and you don't want to lose any time you can.
Let them know you understand that there mom is upset because you are just as upset when you don't get them for holidays but you don't let on because you don't want to upset them.
When the kids realize that you care about there moms feelings and there's but you don't like being guilted into losing time with them they will respect it. Eventually they will appreciate that you don't try to use them to get your way. It will take time though. Keep in mind there mom gets allot of time to work on them and hang in there. Do your best to keep them out of the middle
It’s the same here! Court
It’s the same here! Court order says every other Christmas yet DH never puts his foot down.
after last years drama fest I swore I wasn’t doing Christmas this year but because and only because I have kids of my own....I’m doing it.
i let my kids go with their dad until Christmas Day. Everyone is supposed to arrive at 1 and awaiting gifts (my kids will be on time). If BM is more than 10 minutes late.....I’m going online and booking a Christmas vacation for next year for ALL of us and it will Be DHs year with skids....and BM can eat it.