He blocked you on all social media and texts. You left your house wide open to be robbed by anybody...wow you two sure really showed each other. Which high school do you guys go to again?

You both overreacted and turned it into a nuclear situations, but I don't disagree with why you don't want her to have access to your home. I also think he went way too far as punishment, which is stupid.

New response? "You hand out keys and I'll hand in mine. Your ex could have dropped off the kids at school or sat in her car on the bus line. She has no need to be in our house. But if you want her in there, then I won't be."

You have perfectly valid reasons for not wanting your house open to her.

If BM can drive to your house.. why can't she drive.... to school?

I don't see anything wrong with you not wanting BM in your home when you aren't there. (or even when you are lol).

The swearing at each other.. may escalate things.. I would think that communication could be improved.

I would be tempted to stay home to ensure that BM doesn't darken my doorstep.

Why is he against them just waiting in the car for the bus to come?

My DH would not want BM in our house, or take a chance that she would be, felon or not.

I don't blame you for not wanting to leave the house available to BM. My SD is married to a felon and we will not allow her to bring him to our house (there are other reasons, too). It's just asking for trouble, if you ask me.

Reading one of your previous posts, your DH is a bit weird about locked doors, in that he doesn't think they should be locked.

I don't get the FUs, though.

You both were VERY VERY wrong. 

You started the escalation and he finished it. You both need serious counseling to learn to fight. 

I hope for the sake of your marriage you can sit down and be adults tonight because this is ridiculous. I understand why you didn't want the felon to know your house was open. I also understand why he did- for the kids. 

This could have been handled by him telling BM to drop the kids at school or waiting in the car with them. However, as soon as you told him FU he lost his shit. Can't totally blame him, I would be backing my bags if my spouse came at me like that. 

A few times things have escalated with DH and I, but we quickly shut that down.

It does no good to flip each other off.

Take a fw moments to communicate (maybe after an adult beverage or whatever puts you in a relaxed state of mind), and talk about this - he should acknowledge that her being a felon and why is a pretty big deal.

DH and I BOTH agree that since Toxic Troll decided to barge in on our household one morning cussing us out, and that she has a loooooong history of riding rough over any and all boundaries that she is no longer allowed in our house, ever again. Even munchkn SD13 knows this as I have discussed it with her.

We also agree that we do not like Toxic Troll to drop by when we are not there. Ive asked Munchkin if her mother has asked to come inside ever and she said "yes but I told her no". So I completely understand why you are staking the boundary, you really need to get DH on the same page with you, and Im not sure how you can proceed with this.

If my H allowed BM in OUR home................that would be the end of us.

I don't care....no ifs, ands, or buts, there's just no way in the world that would ever happen.

I can understand your frustration and the reason it may have escalated is because your H doesn't value your input so you were already on the defense......

He dismisses your feelings and it's not healthy.

The FU escalation was out of line, as others have mentioned.  Though I imagine it was because you don't feel the man hears anything else.  I don't say that to excuse or justify it, just acknowledge that this is likely a deterioration in communication method borne out of frustration.

It seems to me, in addition to the communication issues, there is a lack of consideration for your needs as someone independent from his pre-existing family unit.  Because he has the children he calls the shots sort of scenario.

That is something entirely separate to address.

His wants for the children to have same consideration in your step situation as they would in a nuclear situation are understandable but completely misguided. 

Yes, his home is their home.  Yes, they are welcome in their home.  However, it is also your home and that should be a consideration rather than a dismissal, regardless of BMs existence or criminal activities.  BM has zero rights or expectations for such considerations, she is a non-factor.  This morning's situation was out of convenience for BM, not "for the kids."

You are not a game piece to be slotted into the vacancy left by their divorce so that he can carry on with a nuclear family dynamic as it suits him (no matter how dysfunctional that dynamic may be).  He needs to understand that is not possible. The same goes for everyone else involved.  

It sounds like you are fed up with your DH for it to escalate into a WTF and FU to be your responses. I totally understand OP I really do. However, everyone here is giving you good advice that you and your DH should learn how to communicate better. Also there is NO WAY in H*** that I would ever allow a convicted felon into my house when I wasn't there. If it was me I simply would've told my DH that I wasn't comfortable leaving my house unlocked regardless if it was for his kids. This sounds like a p****** contest to me.

Bad enough to let any BM into your home.  But a felon ?   He going to give out keys to the felon EX .  Think it's time to change the locks and not give DH  a key so he can not be giving them out.

Yeah, if DH let Satan in our house, I'd have to burn it down.

No way.  Dealbreaker.

How old are the kiddos? Why do they need to come inside?

I rode the bus as a kid and would be waiting at the stop for atleast 10 minutes. I walked about 1/4 a mile to the stop all by my self too.

If the kids are old enough to be left alone for a short period of time then they are old enough to sit outside while waiting.

You actually left the doors open?  As in OPEN - not just unlocked?  So essentially you could have anything from burglars to squirrels in there when you get home.

I gotta know how this turned out with leaving the doors wide open!!!

This is all wrong on many levels as others have said. What might be useful for you to consider OP is why you are drawn to destructive behaviors and destructive people? Why leave the doors open and lights on willing your home to be robbed? Why communicate with your chosen partner using expletives? Why stay with a partner who has no respect for your opinion, space or posetions?  I hope you can find a way to take a better path in life soon, you owe it to yourself. 

Skatermom- What happened when you go home from work last night? We need a follow up for the drama!

Yes!!!

Bets on whether the kids shut and locked the doors when they left?