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Advice for a reluctant stepmonster

Reluctant_Step_Monster's picture

Submitted by Reluctant_Step_... on Mon, 11/07/2016 - 5:18pm

I don't post much because I feel a little guilty that my step children (fraternal twins, age 9) are actually good children. I mean, they are children and I often have to repeat myself, but all in all, they're good kids. I'm not a person who is thrilled about children in general. In fact, I never planned to have any of my own, but my husband of 3 years is so wonderful I had to make a try. So the problem isn't the kids, it's their mother. This woman, and I admit I am biased, she makes very bad decisions. For instance, she left DH for a convicted felon she met at her night cleaning job. She does work, I will give her that, but she has had many jobs and vocations since I have known her. For a time, night cleaning with convicted felons was the only job she could get. But I digress. We have been forced to call CPS on a few different occasions, and for different things. Once the children came to us stinking to high heaven of marijuana. BM and the step-felon (they married) have medical marijuana cards and use them frequently. We were told it didn't matter because marijuana was legally the home. Then the kids told us about how their Mom was making delicious brownies a lot. But they didn't like the kind she and the step-felon liked, the kind she makes with green oil. I, being extremely sheltered, did not know what this meant at first. So I googled it, and my hairdresser (who has clearly lived more than I) confirmed that with pot brownies you have to incorporate the marijuana into the fat source so green oil would be indicative of presence of marijuana. CPS investigated "thoroughly" and said they couldn't prove anything. We asked for the children to be drug tested, because we were thinking

Comments

Acratopotes's picture

Submitted by Acratopotes on Tue, 11/08/2016 - 1:24am

go to the chemist and get normal drug tests... test the kids if you have to....

CPS investigated, they could not find anything, maybe you should accept that BM is not a bad mother and kids are not using...... there's nothing you can do in this world regarding BM and what happens in her house, and it will never change, she's the twins mother, regardless of what she does or not do... you will never be their mother...

leave BM alone and focus on what's happening in your house and you life, stop asking about BM's house, it's none of you're business

justanothergurlNJ's picture

Submitted by justanothergurlNJ on Tue, 11/08/2016 - 8:21am

Cannibus oil if that is what it was does NOT contain THC the competent that gets you high. Maybe research before you crucify! Second if they have a medical marijuana card then they are well with in their rights to use marijuana in any form. They shouldn't be smoking in closed confined spaces with the children, but only for the same reason one would not smoke cigarettes around children.

And unless they are driving a car high with the children in it, it think your concerns are unwarranted. It really is non of you business.

justanothergurlNJ's picture

Submitted by justanothergurlNJ on Tue, 11/08/2016 - 8:41am

Possibly, I know one contains THC and one doesn't.

I agree and I disagree, most people enjoy and alcoholic beverage around their children? No. Most children's parties I have attended over the years you find parents drinking. So other then the legal factor assuming you live in a state where it is not legal or you do not have a medical marijuana card what's the difference? Both are a mood altering substance. I much rather enjoy a form of marijuana then alcoholic beverage.

uofarkchick's picture

Submitted by uofarkchick on Tue, 11/08/2016 - 8:34am

I don't agree with smoking pot but I think trying (multiple times) to separate a child from their mother over her using a medicine prescribed by a doctor is an egregious act. Shame on you, OP. Sheltered or not, what you did is despicable.

justanothergurlNJ's picture

Submitted by justanothergurlNJ on Tue, 11/08/2016 - 8:43am

This I agree with they should not be driving. It doesn't mean they were tho. They could have smoked HOURS before in the house with the children present, which would cause them to smell. Just saying!

justanothergurlNJ's picture

Submitted by justanothergurlNJ on Tue, 11/08/2016 - 8:55am

This I disagree with. I have smelt marijuana on people, in there homes hours after they have smoked it. It gets in your clothes and hair just like cigarette smoke. Someone with better knowledge of marijuana like myself or you can tell the difference between freshly burned green and stale smoke. Same as cigarettes, there is a huge difference in smell between a freshly smoked cigarette and the smell of something old. Like an ash tray or bong water in this case KWIM?

justanothergurlNJ's picture

Submitted by justanothergurlNJ on Tue, 11/08/2016 - 9:01am

Now I am curious how do you know what water buffalo ball sweat smells like. HEHEHEHE Smile Wink

justanothergurlNJ's picture

Submitted by justanothergurlNJ on Tue, 11/08/2016 - 9:10am

WOW I think I have to go back to school. I can be like Rodney Dangerfield! Oh damn did I just show my age?

uofarkchick's picture

Submitted by uofarkchick on Tue, 11/08/2016 - 8:44am

I disagree. Maybe they were smoking pot in the laundry room and their clothes reeked. I don't know and the OP doesn't know. We weren't there. When I babysat, I could always tell the parents that smoked cigarettes because their kids blankets would smell like smoke. Doesn't mean they were smoking in the car with the kid.

uofarkchick's picture

Submitted by uofarkchick on Tue, 11/08/2016 - 8:53am

I don't have a lot of experience with pot, to be honest. It makes me extremely ill. And I can smell it a mile away.

uofarkchick's picture

Submitted by uofarkchick on Tue, 11/08/2016 - 9:05am

I totally get your point. This kind of ignorance just makes my blood boil (believe me, I know I'm ignorant of many things but I hopefully am not potentially impacting people's lives because of it). Like about the whole felony thing... I have a very good friend that served time in prison and has a felony. He's a completely different person at 40 than he was at 19. Smoking pot or having a felony does not make someone a crappy person or a crappy parent. If she wasn't so sheltered then she would understand that the world isn't black and white. It's a million shades of grey.

justanothergurlNJ's picture

Submitted by justanothergurlNJ on Tue, 11/08/2016 - 8:57am

In the air. Not in your clothes or hair. I can still smell it on a shirt SO may have worn a day or 2 before and when I put his clothes in the washer I get a wiff of it. Like I said above it's an older smell like bong water!

BethAnne's picture

Submitted by BethAnne on Tue, 11/08/2016 - 9:41am

I feel what you are going through. My sd's mother smokes a lot of pot, openly in front of my sd9. Sd says that when she is older she is going to smoke the medicine with her mom. Sd supposedly had a series of respiratory problems that were mysteriously worse at bm's house, despite my husband also smoking both pot and at the time cigarettes. But he would never smoke cigarettes inside and when outside would make sure he wasn't near sd. And the weed he only smoked occasionally after bedtime and ensured he aired out the room afterwards. BM would berate him for smoking cigarettes while BM, her mother, her step dad and possibly others smoked weed incessantly inside thier home, all the while BM was taking sd to the doctor on average twice a week for respiratory issues. Suprise suprise now sd lives with us 100% for most of the year she does not have any respiratory problems.

I am sorry that the bm you deal with is crap. You did what you thought was best in contacting cps and looking out for the kids. Unfortunately it is not a big enough violation to enable them to act further and it seems it was not a wake up call to BM to change her behavior. You tried and now unfortunately you just have to accept it. If the kids clothes and themselves continue to smell when they get to yours you could start making them change clothes or even have a wash as soon as they arrive.