Borderline Personality - where to start? Please help
So, having gone through mental issues with a step child, this is a familiar story with a possible bad or good ending.
However this post isnt for me, but a friend of mine. She is ESL, so she has a tough time with language, and communication. Thats not the main issue, just a small part of things.
She is a step mother to 3 children - SD20. SD17, SS15. They are ALL a product of a really messed up situation whereby their mother jailed their father a number of times, and would hit herself to fake abuse. Just some really messed up stuff. Drugs, and drinking were also involved.
Cut to now and 8 years, this step mom whom I call Ace, she is at her wits end. The eldest and her are not talking, the eldest is manipulating the 2 youngers to hate her, but most recently, her new grandbabys stuff has been moved and put in strange places. The SS15, he is respectful and kind one week, and depressed and silent the next week. Aces bio daughter, new baby and new husband also live with them. Everyone is generally respecful, but SS15 hates their culture!!!!!!!! He is very racist, in addition to his ups and downs.
Her question is how to get him help - firstly a diagnosis and then treatment. She is frustrated that no one is addressing these issues, but I dont even know where to start!
Do they contact the school? Google? Where to begin?
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I would think the school
I would think the school could be a start. I love my son's guidance counselor! He was diagnosed with anxiety last year and she has been amazing getting him accommodations and an action plan for when he does have panic attacks at school. I am sure that, had we needed a counselor recommendation she would have helped. When she found out who my son was seeing she sang his praises, which tells me she has some out in town contacts.
Not saying all school counselors are like this but it would be a good place to start!!
Thank you!!!
Ill let my friend know.
Your friend can also tell her
Your friend can also tell her H to ask skid's PCP for a referral, or have him contact his insurance provider. Back in the early 2000s, I found it very difficult to find skilled mental health treatment for YSD14-18 (who I suspect is a Borderline). She went through four therapists in four years. Two she was able to fool completely, one literally went awol (had a health emergency and abandoned her practice), and the fourth was excellent but YSD turned eighteen and started skipping appointments. No one would diagnose or even offered us any guidance, and I really felt like we were fumbling in the dark. Tell your friend to tell her H to check backgrounds, seek the professional with the highest credentials, and interview them thoroughly.
So the BM is a Borderline, and all the adultish kids are screwed up as a result, correct? And the father got custody of the youngest, a boy? If so, your friend is up against a stacked deck. Those skids will have grown up with constant exposure to chaos and drama, making it their norm. They're likely all hardbroke, and may have inherited mental health issues from their BM. The females will triangulate and practice relational aggression against her, and it will be an ugly game of Wack a Mole for her H to keep his kids in line - if he tries to.
It's a pity she couldn't have just dated their father until his kids launched. Instead, she and her bio are swimming with sharks.
Please encourage her to maintain a healthy emotional distance from the skids, and to have an exit strategy ready. This sounds pretty ugly.
Thats what is happening
The eldest and the youngest fight against her all the time.
Not your question I know but
Not your question I know but just wondering- is your friend sure that BM really faked injuries? How long have they been together? Not saying it's not possible but that's also basically every abusers excuse they tell the new partner. And since shes ESL and therefore a little more vulnerable just thought it might be worth considering.
Im pretty sure
Hes a very mello non violent gy, but also, my DH has known him and his ex for over 20 years.
What exjulienccoy said is spot on
i also noticed with narcissistic, hcgubm, pas aggressors and personality disordered and batshit crazy, these kids learn that as normal behaviour and they in turn have this urge to control others and will try to put stepmum in line beneath them.
Its almost like what mum dishes out in abuse to them they need to do to others to feel in control too. I have removed myself from skids toxicity, thats a manage for hubby to maintain separately from me and my 2 toddlers.