Disengaging = less time with DH

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Hi, all -- so, disengaging is going great. Their junk gets left everywhere, I don't cook or clean for them. I only go on outings if I'm in the mood.

The problem is that I miss time with DH! They've been gone all day today (I worked in morning, then opted not to go shopping, activities in afternoon). I don't feel I'm missing out on time with them -- it's a wonderful break to be away from them -- but I'm missing DH.

Is this normal?

Yes it's normal, can you make

Yes it's normal, can you make time for just you and H? You both need and deserve time alone as well.

re: less time with DH

Fortunately their two weeks here are almost up. Then back to the normal every other weekend. We do great when they're not around. I'm trying to give him space with them, but miss him.

Lord, my next husband will be kid/ex-wife free, LOL!

It never hurts

It never hurts to plan ahead! LOL

Cannot have it all

Life is like that and no one can have it all. I also miss my DH but always ask myself, what do I want more, spend time with him or not being around his boy. Not being around the boy wins.

especially that I know that when DH is with the boy, it will not be any quality time for us. The boy will seek attention, behave as he is please to and so on.

All this taken in consideration, I prefer to spend quality time w/o DH when he is with the boy and with DH when the boy is not around. Somehow having quality time with both DH and the boy is not really possible for me.

Agreed. FH thinks all time

Agreed. FH thinks all time spend +/- SD is equal, but heck no, it's not the same at all! It's just like when I hang out with my friends +/- their kids. Even they know it's not the same, bc one eye is always on the kids and what they are doing and answering all their questions and "Mom, come over here to play with me..." and my friends are like "::sigh:: I don't wanna...I wanna play with MY friends" hahaha

Sure. When I

Sure. When I disengaged from the skids after repeated pleas to DH to get their rebellious teenage butts under some semblance of control failed I spent considerably less time with him. I missed him. For a while. Then I started enjoying peaceful time to myself again. When he said that he missed having me around the house I told him that I would be more than happy to be spending more time at home or in the common areas of the home rather than my office and bedroom if he would make it a more pleasant place. He could never manage to get a handle on his children. His loss. We spent time together when the skids were not around and when I did not have plans. It never hurts for HIM to miss YOU but that is not going to happen if you are right under his nose complaining about his kids.

Disengagement is the lesser

Disengagement is the lesser of two evils. There are benefits and drawbacks to it. One of the drawbacks is that your DH will naturally have to be more involved with his kid in caring for them... so that's time.. and there will be more times like this.. when you let him have time with his kids. It's ok to miss having time with him but it's also good and appropriate to not set harsh boundaries on his time with his kids. They DO deserve time with their father.. even if they are annoying..lol.