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Fake it 'til you make it??

MamaBass's picture

Submitted by MamaBass on Sat, 09/20/2014 - 1:05pm

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I have begun the process of disengaging from SS15. He quietly mumbled last night before he went to bed that he remembered to floss his teeth. Like he wanted me to say "good boy!" and give him a treat. I'm fairly confident it was more because him and SS10 went to the dentist and each had cavities because they eat junk food and crap at BM's.... anyway..... I just said "good for you". Not sarcastically, just not caring.

The only problem with disengaging is that DH's extended family is so great. They love me, and love my skids, which is great. (Despite the fact that skids are rude and barely ever say a word to any of them, or thank you for the hundreds of dollars each holiday spent on gifts). Ugh, that's a whole other post... so how do I truly disengage if they expect me to be sweet and caring and a "picture perfect" stepmom? I know it's not about the relatives or what other people think, but I really love his family and don't want them upset over something they probably would never truly understand... Do I just fake it for the brief amount of time we are around them?

Thoughts??

Poodle's picture

Submitted by Poodle on Sat, 09/20/2014 - 1:21pm

You won't respect yourself for doing that and if they spot what you are doing they will mistrust you. If you really like them, but don't approve of or respect the skids, then my suggestion is to leave your DH to do all the parenting whilst you are with his extended family and reveal to them that you are not the active parent, whilst being perfectly nice to the skids. You could get DH to agree to this. I don't much like my ILs but I do very much like and respect some of DH's aunts and with them I do this without difficulty.
Always be true to yourself. If you are embarrassed at looking less than hands-on with DH family then I feel the issue is with your DH.

MamaBass's picture

Submitted by MamaBass on Sat, 09/20/2014 - 1:36pm

That's what I was trying to avoid- not being myself. Thank you! I have been slowly telling DH to take on more responsibility parenting because I'm done nagging and SS15 does not respond to anything. And frankly, I'm just over it. I will be sure to implement that at the next family function. Thank you!

SugarSpice's picture

Submitted by SugarSpice on Sat, 09/20/2014 - 1:59pm

at least you have support of the ils. my ils told me never to call them again when i wanted to discuss matters of the skids.

Ughugh's picture

Submitted by Ughugh on Sat, 09/20/2014 - 4:19pm

And I am at the opposite end of the spectrum, where I do nothing for skids or give a crap about what in laws are saying. When I did everything for all of them, they bashed me and my kids and treated me like a dog. Now I do nothing and never even talk to MIL and barely say much to the skids or they to me. I am here 100% for my beloved husband and bios. The rest is not my concern.

GhostWhoCooksDinner's picture

Submitted by GhostWhoCooksDinner on Sat, 09/20/2014 - 4:25pm

Yup. Same here. No point wasting my time and energy on someone who doesn't care when I have plenty of people in my life who do.

GhostWhoCooksDinner's picture

Submitted by GhostWhoCooksDinner on Sat, 09/20/2014 - 4:29pm

My SS15 does the same crap. He wants adoration for doing the most minute things. Remembering to brush his teeth. Remembering to put his dishes in the dishwasher. BM praises her kids to the high heavens just for existing. Nope! The other night SS15 was talked to by DH for already failing three classes two weeks into the school year because he hasn't been turning in any homework. SS15 was all, "But I did really good at the long jump in gym!"

Good for you, SS. Good for you.