I had to say it & now he might be upset
Summer is here and as a stay at home mom, well guess who the kids stay at home with? Me! I have 2 kids and DH has split custody of my 2 step kids. Monday and Tuesday they are with us, Wednesday evening they go with their mom and they both alternate weekends. During moms time for the summer she has them signed up for summer camp that way she has somewhere to drop them off while she works. For my sanity I thought "Well atleast Wednesdays they go back with mom, Thursdays I can make plans to do stuff or run errands and Fridays as well since they dont come back until evening time when its our time". Honestly it is a little hectic running errands, groceries or things like that with all 4 kids and than my 6 month old. Well today, Thursday, my step son calls his dad that he wants to be dropped off here at home and not summer camp. I had plans already! And the thing is that I had a gut feeling this was going to happen because him and his sister are always like this, where they want things done a certain way or want things happening how they want and dad cant say no and mom cant sit and explain that no, things are not done your way, children. So I'm left as the bad guy having to say no, I have plans. Well, I did not technically say no. I said "Well I do have plans. I mean they can be dropped off and I can always do what I have to do later on the day (even though he, DH, will be busy already). " Then i went to say "However, I don't want this to become a habit for them or their mom that in her time she is dropping them off only because they don't wan't to be in camp. 1. I plan ahead my things when they arent here because it is easier for me to get things done and 2. its her time..She needs to figure out what to do with them when they are with her, unless its a major problem than we should help. When its our time I am always going to help. She is soooo use to us always making things easy for her. Im sure she didnt know how to tell your son that he had to go to camp and why? because she didnt want him fighting with her, so her easy way out was to have him call you, why? because daddy always says yes. and there you go, making things easy for her..and in this situation its not fair for me. I should not be picking up her responsibilities on her time".....and well i think hes now upset because he is taking it as me not wanting to watch the kids. Was I wrong for this?
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The word you are looking for is: NO
They are gonna use you to appease the kids. You're gonna have to come to grips with being the bad guy whether you volunteer to be or not. You will be the bad guy by not catering to the skids and standing up for yourself. They don't want you to have any self-love or self-respect, only love and respect for the skids---no matter what sacrifice that means. They are willing to sacrifice you, why aren't you willing to sacrifice you, too?
Okay, now that the sarcasm is over: You're gonna have to wait through your DH pouting and being upset you "don't like his kids" while this all evens out and they realize they cannot pawn their spawn on you. It is not fair for you, especially if you put off things from other days you had them just so you wouldn't inconvenience them. Time for a hard line and a hard talk with your DH.
BTW, he's gonna throw you under the bus.
If you play this game long enough you can "level up" to get the magic helmet of IDGAF and the SMH armor that allow you to be run over by the bus multiple times without injury to your soul and psyche.
P.S. But isn't it a little gratifying that they choose you over camp? So you can't such an evil step mom if being with you is better than camp. But there's your out: make it less fun than camp! Take them on all errands, including everything and anything where you have to sit patiently and quietly for a long time, like a doctors appointment (that's not for them).
They only chose me over camp
They only chose me over camp because they know they can do whatever they want here. The boy will play video games alllll daaaay long and the girl will be on her phone alllll day long too. Their dad is reponsible of letting them know the night before of what to do the next day when they stay with me such as clean their room or their play room and that they have to behave. If they clean or dont clean thats up to dad when he comes home. While they are with me I dont enforce anything cuz im done with that BS. When I tried to they would make it seem like Im so evil to them and DH would come at me. Nope, not happening again. The only thing I ask from them is quiet when I put my LO to nap, thats all. So they want to come here rather than camp not because of me, but because half of their day no one tells them nothing and do as they please.
Why are you worried that he
Why are you worried that he might be upset? IT never occurred to him that YOU might be upset!
Tell him "NO!" next time. The BM has paid for camp, so off to camp the skid will trot. End of story.
If DH that upset then
He should take off and take care of his kids. The kids are there to see there BF. Not to be entertained by you. They should be going to camp five days a week
I agree with pickles45.
I agree with pickles45.
Well I think hes now upset
Well I think hes now upset because he is taking it as me not wanting to watch the kids. Was I wrong for this?
These are his kids and its up to him and BM to have other arrangements besides you. You have your own kids and errands to run. If its an emergency that's one thing but if they can attend camp why should you be responsible with more work/kids than you already have. He can be upset all he wants but at the end of the day his kids are not your responsibility or obligation. You are not wrong. He's wrong for assuming you have to watch "his" kids. Remind him that you have plans and are busy. They can go to camp & have a grand ole time there.
Camp is good for them.
Camp is good for them. Exercise, sunlight, socialization, etc.
No is a complete sentence.
No.
I would not agree to this otherwise it will become a habit. I might go with something like this: "DH, unless there is an emergency or advanced discussion, the big kids should be at camp or wherever else their mother has scheduled them to be. I also plan my days, similar to their mother. Just because my job is in the home rather than an office does not make it any less valuable or time consuming. When the kids are scheduled to be with us, I have planned accordingly to care for all 4 children, as I wholeheartedly agreed and want to do as their Mom and Stepmom."
ETA after reading your last post.... you would have 5 kids to include your new baby. Yah....I still stand by my "no". Carting around 4 kids plus a newborn is exhausting. Heck even two kids and a newborn is a lot. Take the time you need on the days where you don't have your stepkids. If something were ever to happen to biomom, adjustments would be made. But your stepkids have another parent to care for them when they are not with you. You are not her babysitter.