Skid journaling her visitation
DH and I revisited this in our discussion last night. Here’s that blog entry for reference:
https://www.steptalk.org/blog/momjeans/skid-documented-her-summer-visita...
This has a lot to do with me not wanting to engage much with skid (again) this summer. DH stated it hasn’t happened yet, so why live in fear that it will. He also said that skid *can* journal if she wants, too, because journaling is okay and normal and common. I don’t disagree with that statement.
I keep a password protected journal on my phone. I write lots of different things in it, and not that often. One of those things is stuff DH has said to me in regards to skid, BM, visitation, whatever, because I would often share these things with my therapist. I’ve never outright told DH this, but he has guessed this much and refers to my journal keeping at “keeping notes on people who have wronged me,” as if that’s some sort of dig. I’ve backed off on journaling, and have made a conscious effort to just address matters or concerns as they happen, like I stated in last night’s blog post.
So, from what I’m hearing out of DH, it’s totally okay for skid to journal her interactions with DH she views as negative (and hand it off to him in a Bye Felicia fashion as she leaves to go back home), but it’s totally not okay for me to keep a journal that he has no proof or knowledge of the context.
Got it.
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Comments
Of course its ok for his
Of course its ok for his daughter to keep a journal and not you.....With you he automatically assumes you're out to get them and what you think isn't relevant since you're "keeping notes on people who have wronged you". It's interesting how he came to this conclusion which leads me to believe this is what he thinks of his daughter.....hence project his sh!t!
Keep your journal Momjeans and to h@ll with what he thinks about it. If it helps you why not!
I’m definitely keeping it.
I’m definitely keeping it. Heck, I journaled this tid bit of info this morning. To ensure I recall exactly what he said, because he’d just deny ever saying it.
Yeah Why Would he Even
assume that OP was "wronged" unless deep down he really knows that he IS wronging OP!!!???
Things that make you go HMMMM
I think DH thinks he’s making
I think DH thinks he’s making a brilliant, punching down comment to me when he says that. But, now that you put it this way, I think you’re right...
I think you should journal
I think you should journal everything you are unhappy about and give it to him. Just to drive home how wrong it is that he lets his daughter do that.
She should be able to express her concerns, but verbally. If she can't, then she can keep her journal to herself. It's teaching her to be entitled to allow this to continue - as if anyone and everyone is going to care about what she finds needs need to changed.
I keep a journal because dh
I keep a journal because dh doesn't like to talk things out. So i write how he makes me feel or what he's doing wrong and leave it so he can 'find' it and read it. Then he actually does a 180 and rights his wrongs.
Disengagement from SD
means you don’t care what she does. What she does or writes has no effect on your life. Do not take care of her, Do nor cook for her. Do no clean, or take her anyplace, or do anything with her. What ever she writes, who cares.
If your DH lets her do that to him. She will not do that to you. If she does not like the food, she should cook, if she mad she did not go anywhere so what , you will live.
Momjeans your problem is with your DH. You know that. Unless he changes, nothing is going to change or get better. They just all love drama
You’re correct. I totally
You’re correct. I totally have a DH problem.
“keeping notes on people who have wronged me”
Isn't that exactly what SD is doing?
Yes! That’s a whole lot of
Yes! That’s a whole lot of deflecting and projecting DH is doing, huh!? LOL
Behaviors are often patterns.
Behaviors are often patterns. I can bet on skids/BM behaviors before they happen. Im actually quite good at predicting BM behaviors due to my ex having a lot of the same patterns when my kids were young. The skids have proven me wrong at times. I do expect the worst from them and then sometimes they surprise us. I always mention that to DH when Im wrong, Im glad I was wrong.