She is upset because she was an accident?  Good grief.  The girl is 16 years old.  Does she really believe that every child in this world was planned except for her??  So what if she was a surprise?  The point is that they could have terminated the pregnancy but did not and loved her when she was born.  It sounds like this former fiancee was a real jerk and maybe made far more of the situation than it was.  Obviously they did not grit their teeth and put up with her presence from the day she was born and the fact that her father left has nothing to do with her being a surprise 16 years ago.  God save us from the drama of teenage girls!!!

I agree with Susan, this is very dramatic! My sister was an ‘oopsie’ baby, she knows it, we know it, it’s a big joke in our family. It doesn’t mean she’s not loved & that we wish she wasn’t here, I can’t imagine my life without her in it. 

Your SD sounds very spoiled, and your FDH is buying right into it with how he’s responding. If one of my SS’s ever told my DH to get the F out & slammed a door in his face, the door would be off the hinges & there would be consequences. 

I know she’s a hormonal teen, therapy definitely sounds like a good idea bc my guess is there’s more going on here than simply finding out she’s an oopsie baby. Her parents shouldn’t be tip toeing around her though, life doesn’t work like that. She needs to learn how to deal with her emotions in a healthy way with boundaries in place. 

Agree with the previous 2 posts - this is an extremely over-dramatic reaction.  I was a "mistake" as my mother liked to tell me - born when she was 40 years old, and my next brother was 7 yrs older than me.  

IMHO, your man going crawling on his belly to SD saying he loves her dearly, after she has said those uncalled-for and indeed verbally abusive things to you all - strikes me as rather spineless.  

Awww c'mon - have some empathy. I doubt that this news was delivered to her in a particularly sympathetic way if it led to the end of BM's engagement and may also have been around the time that she left the area she grew up in to live with dad. Being away from your mother and all your friends at that age is incredibly disrupting. And, of course, she's being overly dramatic, she's a teenager. But this isn't news delivered in an intact family. This is news delivered to a kid whose family has broken up and whose dad who she was very close to now lives far away. When I realised I was a mistake, I did get over it, but I was older and I will admit it stung at the beginning. 

BM's ex fiance is a jerk and good for her that she broke up with him after he did this.  But seriously, no one should be feeding this kid's over the top reaction.  It's fine for FDH to tell her he's sorry it upset her, but he's so grateful now that she was born and he wouldn't trade her for anything. 

But a grown man sobbing because his daughter found out she was a happy accident of birth is ridiculous.  I'm all for men crying when it's warranted, but dear god, what a dramatic bunch this is.

Oh, brother, way too much drama. I was about her age when I figured out that I was not planned. Big deal.

That is cause for wishing everybody dead?

That's ridiculous. My little brother was an accident, but it wasn't a family secret. My older brother and I teased him about it when we were kids. He wasn't scarred for life. A good percentage of the people I know weren't planned.

The way she found out was stupid (revealed by a non relative in a fight). I can only imagine what little miss drama pants said to her mom's fiance to ellicit such a response from a grown man. That's why it's a dumb idea to keep "family secrets" that everyone but the one person affected knows about. And it's an even more idiotic idea to feed this girl's dramatics over something so silly.

I feel like there is something deeper than this and this is just the catylist that she is using to channel her anger.

If you want you can tell her my Best Friends story of being the accident. He is 16 years younger than his next closest sibiling. His parents had split, divorced, remarried, seperated again-- he laughs and says his conception was the best night anyone had had in a long time in his house! LOL Let's be real, I would think that almost 1/2 of all births are a bit of a suprise. Unless you are like me and undergoing fertility treatments, it is all just a roll of the dice. If they weren't on birth control, condoms, etc- they just gave it a roll. If they were... then it happens too! Nothing is 100%. 

All this slamming doors and cursing is a H@LL NO and your H instead of crying needs to nip this in the bud now. He needs to get it together and regulate her dramatic @ss NOW. I'd be damned a kid does all that nonsense and I don't get in their ass. I'm not going to take away from how and what she feels (she needs therapy) but she has to be taught how to communicate and handle situations and by your H allowing this poor behavior is unacceptable.

Many births weren't planned and there are many oops babies walking around however, that doesn't excuse for such poor behavior. She needs guidance and to be taught how to handle her emotions. By allowing her to do this she will continue to handle every situation in the same toxic way.

I agree with everyone else - catering to an emotional terrorist is never good policy.

Raging and tantruming are inappropriate responses at your SD's age, as is lashing out and cursing. Why isnt anyone teaching this kid how to manage herself??

Your SD's bedroom door would be off the hinges and gone if she lived with me. Removing my YSD's bedroom door as a consequence was THE most successful form of currency for us.

Ahhhh...our teen years are so miserable! Sounds like your SD is in the throes of it.

A lot of people on here say divorce is so common, kids should take it on the chin. I think that's simplistic. Divorce must be hard for kids, especially when new spouses are introduced to the mix.

Sounds like SD is just miserable and throwing you all in the same pot. I'd try not to take this personally because you know exactly where it came from and it has nothing to do with you. Sounds like SD is just raging because of her would-be stepfather's idiocy in telling her such a thing.

My parents never divorced, but my mother always told me my father only didn't want me, the third kid. Nothing like brutal honesty from a narcissist to make you feel tiny in this world!

When SD is calmer, your future husband can try to smooth it over. You could also tell her you're glad she's here too. This might be a great in for you when she really needs to feel a stepparent can be her friend and ally. If nothing else, you can remind her they DID choose to have her because she's here.

I hope the therapy works for SD. You're in the middle of a mess and you and SD both need a break. Maybe you can be that for each other?

So she is upset, whoopee, get over your self SD. Your DH needs to grown a spine and put that little girl in her place. The first "F**k You" out of her mouth would have been her last. Her phone and any other items would have been taken. Slamming a door, the door would be removed and not put back. SHE is 16, not 2, quit treating her like a baby.

I swear so many parents let their brats get away with so much crap, In most cases a good parent will get the "I hate you" for being a good parent and standing by whats right, in your DH's case, he is allowing a 16 year old brat treat him like shit. You need to tell you DH to grow some balls and start parenting your kid.