A little back story.  My partner and I have been together for a little over two years and have lived together for about a year.  I have 2 children and he has 3, 2 of which live with us one of which is his neice by marriage that he's raised since she was 3.  (He considers her his daughter but for the sake of keeping all the details straight I'll continue to refer to her as "neice".)  She just came to live with us about 5 months ago after being removed from his ex wifes care for neglect.  The ex wife didn't let him/us see or have contact with his neice for the last two years.  A couple of months before she was removed her biological mom got back in touch with her.  She was working to have the guardianship dissolved and get her daughter back. 

The "mom" has 3 kids, all have been removed from her care, the youngest is 5 and the oldest 17.  She has a history of drug abuse and I'm guessing mental illness of some sort.  Her 17 year old was old enough to decide where she wanted to live and chose her moms.  The youngest is still with her grandparents and we have her middle child.  We invited her and her boyfriend over for a visit, at first, she seemed to be making some real effort in her life to get it together and showed an interest in doing what's best for the child.  We were cooperative and facilitating, allowed her to go for visits and then stay the night and then the weekend.  Little by little we would/have come to regret that decision.   

When it came time to enroll for the new school year everything changed.  She wanted the girl to come and live with her and go to school there.  Convinced the child that that was what she wanted too by scaring her into thinking school was going to be hard and kids would make fun of her for being behind.  But that her older sister would "protect" her if she came to school out there, almost 2 hours from where we live.  We decided that it was too soon for her to move in and he put his foot down that she was not going to move.  A couple of weekends later, the girl comes home from a visit and as I was helping her put her things away, I found a pill bottle in her things.  It was a prescription for a popular narcotic pain killer.  When I asked her about it she said her mom had asked her to put them up for her so she didn't take too many.  She went on to explain that everyone in the family, (boyfriend, oldest daughter and mother) hide them for her as well so she doesn't OD.  Obviously a huge red flag! 

Fast forward a few days to a couple of days before school starts.  We don't make it a habit or do it often but every now and then we'll check the phones of all the kids in the house(not the20 year old).  As he was looking through her phone he came across a string of messages from bio mom to kid about how to fake sick to not have to go to school on the first day.  Saying how sorry she was that she had to go and that she wished she was there.  We thought it best not to say anything at the time but knew what was up and she would go to school regardless.  The day came, she tried to fake a fever and throwing up, I made her go anyway.  She was fine, the world didn't end and she made it!

The uphill battle of parenting/step-parenting has been made harder by this woman.  She's told lie after lie and done everything in her power to cut us off at the knees.  Manipulated this little girl, who is 14 in age but about 10 mentally, into believing all of it.  What kid doesn't want to believe the best about their parent, especially at that age.  We're just trying to do what's right by her, she's been through enough and deserves some stability, love, encouragement and rules.  She's beginning to hate us for it. 

She doesn't know yet that we've decided she won't be going back to her moms for visits.  I'm affraid that's when the real nightmare of it all will start.  Say a prayer, talk to the wind, light a candle or just think happy thoughts for us, we need all we can get!

Thanks,