On the face of it it seems like a very reasonable thing for a Bio parent to want to do.. meet the person who will be spending time with their child.. like they might with a daycare worker or a teacher. 

But, then again, once you divorce your EX, you no longer have control over what that person does and who they spend their time with and also if they expose your child to this person that you may/may not approve of.  With the exception of the EX dating a registered sex offender... unfortunately, when they decided to have a child with a person they are pretty much allowing that another person will have some control over that child... even if they are not around.

So... if you don't trust your Exes judgement, I guess it goes back to you should have picked a better partner in the past... and if you truly feel that the Ex's actions pose a danger to the child.. of course enlist social services.. change custody etc...

I guess some people do dictate in their CO's that the parent will not have overnight guests of opposite sex in the home during visitation... but you can't control who your EX dates.

I was under the misguided impression that BM and I could be friends and we all would co-parent the boys. I even wanted to go to lunch with her to talk.

BAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Hoo boy, was I ever in for a rude awakening. First time we met, she didn't say a word. She just glared at me and walked off. That pretty much let me know her thoughts.

I will say that I am a glutton for punishment and have burned myself more than once with her. I am much better now than I was, but I did want to make some sort of mutually-respectful relationship work.

Now? She just sort of exists and occaisionally makes my life a nightmare/uneasy/unpredictable. That's okay. I'll pull through. I am far more confident and secure in my role and relationship with DH now than I was five years ago, so it's not really a thing anymore.

I didn’t want to meet the ex wife. She however was totally scared that her ex was moving forward with a new family of his own so she pushed many boundaries. When I moved in she sent emails to DH concerned about her children’s mental health since a new woman was living with them. She tried to get us to go to church and made frequents demands on our time etc. We demanded boundaries and now we finally have them. I still haven’t met her although I see her at kids events. I have no desire to ever speak to her.

in regards to my exh’s girlfriend. I had no comment or request at all. I just asked my DD if she was nice and she said yes. I did not contact DH about her at all. I could care less.

I didn't really care one way or the other if I met DBDB.  I had met the boys about a year before I even laid eyes on her.  We were always at the fields for either sport and she was never there.  She has asked the boys a lot of questions about me but never said if she wanted to meet me or not.

I did finally meet her at a football she was at with her DH.  They were both drunk from tailgating in the parking lot.  Fun fun!

Yes and No.. So I guess indecisive. 

On one hand, my first impression of her was her storming into the house when I was on the phone with DH and asking him if "he has the girls ready or is he too busy talking to his new whore." THat made me not want her within a million and a half miles of me... lol

On the other hand, I had New SM optomism and thought everyone could totally act like an adult for the skids. I was wrong. Crazy, narcicistic, neglectful, druggies CANNOT in fact act like an adult...Shocker...

So I was split... On one hand I was told she was crazy, and I had witnessed the fact she was an absolute disaster, but on the other hand, i really wanted to make sure the girls were comfortable and didn't feel everyone was at odds. A plan that BM squashed, then smeared all over the ground like a s*** stain... 

First time I did meet her was at a trade off, where she tried to flirt with my DH and scoot closer, oh also, the girls were in absolute tears at the time too because they didn't want to go with her, they wanted daddy (for good reason).

I was ok with and wanted to meet BM too.
BM wanted the meeting - I was the girlfriend...
What normal person doesn't want to meet the other  parent?
What normal person doesn't want to meet the person around their kids?
We could all get along like adults, right?
Keep the best interests of the kids in mind, right?
^^^^^^ HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Yeah, no.
Introduction to steplife was a real eye opener for me.
Where I had no ulterior motives and was honest and open about the meeting, BM was "sizing" up the competition so she  knew she was being a bitch to!!
I don't think it was even personal:  BM was going to be a bitch, egging on the kids to be horrible, no matter who was partnered with her ex husband because BM is a complete psycho cow.
And no, she does NOT have a mental disorder to blame her crappy behaviour/parenting on!
 

I trusted my ex to make good choices in women, after all he chose me lol No, I had no interest in meeting ex’s new wife (GF at the time). Well I’ve met her early on but just because how it played out with family events etc I’d never specifically asked to meet her and sure wouldn’t demand it 

I could have gone my entire life without meeting BM. Luckily, I have only been in her presence a handful of times and we never had an official meeting. There was absolutely no reason for it.

I never had any desire to meet BM, but I also didn't get a choice. She showed up at SO's door for a drop off, insisting on coming in to use the restroom, fully aware that I was there. This was not something she normally did. I ended up having to introduce myself because she just stood there awkwardly. Since then I have had zero communication or interaction with her. I still remember the names she called my SO when she found out that I existed and her daughter had met me, so I'm good.

I already knew BM2 as we'd gone to school together from 5th grade through high school.

Never wanted to meet BM1. I have nothing but revulsion for her old a$$. Any "woman" who chooses a man over her child, then tells her ex's new and very pregnant wife that she intends to take back what is 'rightfully hers' is not someone I want to be around.

I have been with my SO for close to 3 years, and around SS for 2. To this day, BM refuses to be in the same room as me. I have noticed on several occasions that when she comes to pick up SS (if she gets out of the car), she will dodge and hide if I approach the door/window. It's a little funny to me because she's someone who talks a lot about how she doesn't care what other's think and she will sit on social media threatening to fight people, but then she runs away from little 'ole me (I am not intimidating at all). Sometimes it does concern me because, I feel like if the roles were reversed, I would want to meet whoever was spending so much time with my child. However, I already know that she is bad mouthing my name anyways, so meeting her isn't going to change anything.

It bothered me at first, but after reading a lot of people's experiences with the BM's in their life, and hearing from my SO about how SS's mother acts...I probably should thank my lucky stars that I have not met her.

When I met my partner and knew I would be meeting the kids I wanted to meet his ex. I felt it was the right way to go about it. I put myself in her place. If I had a child and I knew my partner was going to be introducing them to someone I would want to know them too. Not to control but I would hope I could work with them for the good of my child.

I didn’t get to “meet” BM and over all I am very displeased at how she coparents. Even when I am handling transportation for my partner I do not have contact with her. I have had to call him, to have him call her, to have him call me back, to have him then call her back. That’s insane. Even more insane was that the exchange happened at her fathers. I was inside with one child and her family talking. She came in and the other needed to change. We were both there for half an hour and she never once spoke to me. She is the one who set up the expectation for our interactions.

That’s not how I would want to do things if I could help it. I spend days with “her” children and at time I am the only caregiver present. I am a parental figure to them. I feed them, clothe them, read them stories at bed time. I do everything to help take care of them. I know I would want the chance to get to know the person doing that if it were my child.

It all starts with or without that first meeting. You can set up your whole future for coparenting. We don’t coparent and I hate that for the kids.

I've met the BM once. That was at a skid wedding. She was pleasant enough. DH hopes never to see her again, and that's fine with me. I don't hate her--just no need to interact.

I met one of Ex's SOs. But I knew her from before we split, and she was not his affair partner, and I liked her ok. Their relationship didn't last long anyway. Didn't meet any of the others, until his fiance (now wife). I like her just fine. Last time I saw her she liked my haircut so much that she took a picture to show her hairdresser. That was funny/creepy.

I’ve never formally met BM2, aka Psycho. I first saw her in court during DH’s custody battle. I did speak to her on the phone once - when I told her to quit calling our home at 5 in the morning because she was too stupid to understand the existence of time zones.

Ill try to answer both Q's

I was young not terribly young but 22 when i had my oldest, her dad left as a baby...he moved on relatively quickly and the gfs would freuquently show up at the door with ex to drop of our daughter...i couldnt handle it, so my parents would answer the door for me, but yes I was curious, but now I dont give a F...my daughter not by my questioning tells me things, so far, her dad seems to have matured and she likes his new gf...the new me, given its been 10 yrs almost, I dont care too much as long as their nice to my daughter- so no need to meet other than a friendly hello.

With my SOs psycho B...again young naive, i met her because at the time SO and B "had" apparently a friendly relationship, but i could see through that CuXT and I thought, that was the right thing to do to meet and I was obliged as SO introduced me...going forward, I will argue, a friendly hello is all thats needed...anything beyond that, even from an ex is weird, unless your talking about vacations, expenses, issues etc but for every day picking and dropping off, hi and bye...some BMs cannot let go-SOs BM, asked how much money he was spending on me, if my vehicle i paid for she asked if SO bought and other weird BM ramblings/beyond curiousity q's- that just get me angry when looking back...but "hi and bye" should be good enough for these momsters.

I was naturally curious about my SO's ex; I had no burning desire to meet her but was willing to.  She never asked SO to introduce us or insisted that she meet me before I met the kids, but once when I was at SO's house, she came over with her sister who was dropping something off for one of the kids.  Of course she came in and we were introduced.  I felt blindsided, but SO insisted he had not known she was coming.

 Since then, I've seen her from time to time.  We've done some holidays and birthday parties together, we've sat together at some sporting and school events, we sometimes see each other at pickups/dropoffs.  We're FB friends, but not IRL friends.   The reason I wasn't all that anxious to meet her is that I didn't particularly like her just based on how she had treated my SO (she cheated multiple times and then left him).  But since she and SO have an amicable relationship, it was inevitable.  I did have to have him put some boundaries in place - she seemed to think that the two of them should spend every holiday together with the kids and that wasn't going to work for me - but he did it and I'm OK with their relationship as it is now as well as my relationship with her.  

Reading about the experiences some Steptalkers have with their BMs, I'm just grateful that BM here is sane, stable and not high conflict.  I hope that continues.

I know my exHs GF pretty well, i like her, I’m happy he’s with her. We were thrown together in a tragic circumstance and it worked out well. But then again we are normal adults, not crazy narcissists. I’m glad I met her and I hope she’s glad she met me.

My son loves her and she loves him. It makes me happy that he feels welcomed, wanted and loved in his Dad’s home with her. 

BM on the other hand . . . My skids were teens when DH and I met so I didn’t really care one way or the other to be honest. If they’d been little I might have felt differently.

There was some travel paperwork that needed to be given to SS(then 15). Another parent gave it to me at SSs game to pass onto DH (he was coaching and the parent had to leave), so sure no problem. BM came to the game and I mistakenly thought I could just pass it on to her. We’d met once before but it was a simple BM this is Notsobad, hi/bye. 

I said hi, remember me? Here’s the paperwork SS needs for the upcoming trip. I gave it to her & walked away. I expected a thank you and nothing more.

She stormed after me, told me I had NO right to accept any paperwork regarding HER children and that I should take care of my own kids and she’d take care of hers. I stared at her for about 30 seconds, daring her to continue, then said “Sure.” 

Not a peep more. She stood there fuming, as I casually looked at her with an FU smirk, people were staring and she was at a total loss. She wanted a fight but I’d agreed with her and she didn’t know what to do, so she walked away. She was pacing up & down the hall talking to herself and no doubt thinking of all the things she wanted to say to me. 

MIL & FIL stood there quietly afraid she’d storm back but she never did. 

I doubt I’ve said more than a dozen words to her in over 11 years of seeing her at games and awards ceremonies.

What an interesting question. I met my husband through his ex wife. I met her through a mutual friend. We were friendly but not exactly friends yet. Ex wife referred me for a job at heer then company which I got. Shortly after I joined she started an affair with our then boss.

Yes this is all very complicated. My DH, reached out to me while I was working for this company the one day as his ex wife was missing. They had already seperated at this point. We then developed a rather odd friendship which turned to more 3 years later.

My H ex wife hates my guts and if she could drive over me without going to jail, she would. So I have never had an urge to be near her or in her space. It has been 9.5 years since her affair, she married someone else after that affair and she still hates me.

Met BM1(accidental child- shhh don't tell SS) at a scouts meeting with her SO. Made me feel like a million glorious bucks! She looked like a hobo(not body shaming but facts that can be proven with pics of the events) and her SO was nice!

Bm1 i cannot stand. She is awful and acts as if I stole her boyfriend. Newsflash BM: your relationship was over 12 years ago and hes had another kid since.!!! Also you are married to someone else!

Met BM2 on my first holiday for meet and greet with MIL(I being under the silly impression it was supposed to be just dh myself and MIL). MIL introduced her as her daughter as they proceeded to commiserate inside and leave ss3 near the busy street unsupervised. I sent Ss3 inside" to mommy" several times. After about an hour BM2 came out and announced she was feeling unwelcome and wanted to leave. 

BM2 and I are civil and we also worked for the same company for 2 years(diff depts) with no drama. Her new DH looks like a much larger version of my husband.(kinda creepy).

Both BM Dhs seem like nice guys but they both take care of the skids all the time. I feel bad for them.

BM2 had no problem meeting me when she thought I was just some internet fling.  Also, she still had control over DH so her world didn't change much.  I wasn't serious so she could continue her games of stringing him along, demanding anything she wanted and throwing her relationship in his face so that he'd remain forever jealous.

Now that she knows I'm not just some bimbo from abroad and that we're actually married, ehhh didn't matter too much.  As long as she could still keep playing games.  Free license to get us to argue and split up....it was all good fun.  Until I demanded DH put up firm boundaries as I had one foot out the door.  Plus a few talks with family members telling him what an idiot he'd be to mess this up and lose me.  Oh and that they'd disown him if he F'ed up with me.

DH finally put his foot down and stood up to the devil herself.  Boy oh boy she didn't, and still doesn't, like it.  AT ALL.  Now she pretends I don't exist.  Blocked on fb, probably blocked from her phone, not sure.  As if that's punishment LOL.  Please do me some more favors!!  Now she tries to engage DH into pointless convos once in awhile and he ignores it.  Yeah, she hates me because I act like the wife that I am.  She thought she could play wifey as long as she wanted.  Yeah, NO.

I was really naive when I first entered this blended relationship. Actually thought it would be very much like the Brady Bunch! 

First time I met HCBM she walked into SO's house, unannounced, and dropped skids off to ME! I didn't know anything about it and SO wasn't home! (I was on vacation). 

She proceeded to leave skids there for the entire week. 

At first I was like, alright I guess this is normal. Haha! 

Fast forward years later. Forcing boundaries. Skids are PAS'd because apparently NOW I am not worthy. And SO has to fight for every minute. 

My guess is that in the beginning HCBM thought I was a free babysitter, nothing more. Once she recognized that I was not going anywhere she had and has made it her life mission to chase me off. 

I didn't care either way. I get along with everyone. When my ex decided to remarry, the kids told me that the woman was really nice, and asked me to meet her, so I did. She seems nice, the kids like her. We wish each other happy holidays, I've even baby sat their new daughter, for my daughters sake to spend more time with the little girl. We don't have much interaction but it has never been unpleasant. We're not friends but I'm thankful that she's a nice person. 

As the new SO, I've met the BM, her whole family, and her new husband. BM is the least friendly, but we just use basic manners like a normal person should and otherwise she knows how much I love their daughter and how much she loves me so she has no reason to have a problem with me (like that ever matters, though). I also used to work with her little brother, and he has said I was one of the nicest people ever, so.. she has nothing to worry about, without knowing me really, but I come with a good report. 

After discovering this site today and doing some reading, am I ever thankful of how well that all went off. 

None of the men in this scenario have met... and it's been 5 years all around each side... guy thing?